From the time most boys can walk, they hear the same messages over and over again:
Toughen up. Don’t cry. Be strong. Handle it on your own.
These rules aren’t written anywhere, but every man knows them. They become part of emotional intelligence that is suppressed rather than developed.
It shows up in how fathers say “shake it off,” in how boys get teased for crying, and in how society rewards confidence but discourages vulnerability.
Over time, this messaging teaches men that emotions (especially sadness, fear, or vulnerability) are not safe to express.
You can feel angry, sure.
You can be stoic.
But feeling sadness?
Fear?
Feeling lost?
That would mean it shows weakness.
But what happens when all of that emotion doesn’t just disappear? What happens when stress, loneliness, or self-doubt build up with no place to go?
Those nights staring at the ceiling, feeling like something is missing but not knowing how to fix it.
It leads to irritability, snapping at people you care about, withdrawing, or numbing the feelings with work, alcohol, or other distractions.
When you push emotions aside, they don’t go away. It just makes them harder to deal with.
Men who lack awareness of their emotional states often struggle to manage their own emotions, leading to emotional responses that damage their relationships with women, children, and friends.
Men bottle them up, only for them to re-emerge through stress, anger, withdrawal, or numbing behaviours.
What Strength Really Looks Like
For generations, emotional suppression was mistaken for strength. If you talk about your feelings, you’re soft.
If you need help, you’re not a real man.
But burying emotions isn’t strength. It’s survival mode. And survival mode isn’t living.
Real strength isn’t about how much you can carry alone.
- It’s about knowing when to put something down.
- It’s about facing what you feel without shame.
- It’s about facing your emotions instead of running from them.
- It’s about knowing yourself well enough to handle life’s challenges with confidence instead of shutting down or lashing out.
- It’s about setting boundaries and asking for support.
- It’s about showing up for your partner, friends, and kids with emotional honesty.
Emotional intelligence for men isn’t some fluffy self-help concept. It’s the ability to recognize what’s happening inside you, put words to it, and handle it in a way that doesn’t weaken your relationships, your mental health, or your peace of mind.
It’s a skill for men that enables men to connect deeply, navigate human emotions, and create emotional intimacy within relationships.
It’s what allows you to be a better partner, a better friend, a better father, and of course someone who actually enjoys their life instead of just pushing through it.
How Do Emotionally Intelligent Men Think and Behave?
Emotionally intelligent men don’t:
- Explode without reflection
- Dismiss other’s emotions
- Avoid vulnerability out of fear
Instead, they:
- Pause before reacting.
- Recognize what they’re feeling and why.
- Set boundaries without exploding.
- Express their emotions with clarity.
- Empathize with other’s emotions.
- Understand emotional learning and strive to grow.
They aren’t perfect. But they are aware. And that awareness helps them grow.
“Real strength is not how much you can carry. It’s knowing when to put it down.” (Brene Brown)
Breaking the Habit of Bottling Things Up
If you’ve spent years or even decades keeping emotions at a distance, how do you even start shifting that?
Many men hesitate to talk about their emotions, not because they don’t feel them, but because they’ve been conditioned to believe vulnerability is a weakness.
In fact, research shows that men often struggle to open up in therapy or group settings because of societal norms that discourage emotional expression.
The expectation to ‘handle it alone’ becomes so ingrained that sharing emotions feels unnatural, even when it’s necessary.
But you don’t need to suddenly become someone who pours their heart out in every conversation. But you do need to start paying attention to what’s happening beneath the surface.
Here are three tips to start developing their emotional intelligence, especially if therapy feels off-limits.
1. Name What You Feel (Even If You Don’t Say It Out Loud)
It’s important to name what you feel, because what you resist, persists.
Next time you’re feeling off, take a second to name it. Not just “I’m fine” or “I’m just tired.” But really name it.
I’m feeling stressed, frustrated, lonely, overwhelmed.
Naming it from the get-go might be difficult, especially since you’re not used to it.
If that’s the case, print off the feelings wheel (see below) to help you name some feelings.
This step helps men regulate their emotions and gain a healthier emotional balance.
Try: “I’m feeling overwhelmed. I think it’s because I feel unsupported at work.”
Naming emotions reduces their power over you. Awareness brings choice.
One’s emotions become manageable when they’re known.
You might wonder why naming it will help you. Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung once said, “What we resist, persists.” That statement couldn’t be more true when it comes to emotions.
The more we try to push something away, such as anger, sadness or fear, the stronger it becomes in the background. It doesn’t just disappear…it festers.
That’s why awareness is so powerful. When you name what you’re feeling, it loses some of its grip. Instead of feeling an overwhelming sense of frustration or numbness, you can pinpoint what’s really going on:
Is it disappointment?
Is it grief over something you lost or never had?
Is it fear of failure?
Is it loneliness?
Once you name it, you can work with it instead of fighting it. Awareness turns emotions into something you can respond to, instead of something that controls you from the shadows.
2. Express Emotions in a Way That Fits You
Expressing your emotions doesn’t have to mean spilling your deepest feelings in a heart-to-heart conversation (though that can be helpful too). It can be as simple as:
Writing it down and getting the emotions out of your head and onto paper.
Talking to someone you trust and feel comfortable (a friend or a therapist) or even just saying it
out loud to yourself.
Using movement (exercise, boxing, running), basically any physical activity that can help release
emotions.
Another way to process emotions is through mindfulness. Practicing mindfulness helps you
become more aware of your thoughts and feelings without judgment, making it easier to manage
them instead of suppressing them.
If you’re new to mindfulness or want to learn more about its benefits, check out this guide on how mindfulness can help.
Mindfulness helps because it trains your mind to observe feelings instead of suppressing emotions. This emotional practice defines emotional intelligence in everyday action.
3. Know the Cost of Emotional Suppression
A lot of men think they are “handling it” when they keep emotions bottled up. But emotions that aren’t processed don’t stay buried. They show up in other ways:
Irritability and anger. Small things might set you off because you’re carrying so much under the surface.
Disconnection. You pull away from people, even those who care about you.
Self-medicating. You might use alcohol, work, or other distractions to avoid the emotions.
Health problems. You might have stress-related issues such as high blood pressure, tension headaches, and sleep problems.
Suppressing emotions isn’t coping, it’s actually delaying them. And when they come out later, it’s often in ways that are harder to control.
Men’s emotional health suffers when emotional repression becomes the norm.
Low emotional intelligence often correlates with avoidant behaviour.
Pushing feelings down isn’t strength. It’s avoidance. Emotional intelligence means processing those feelings before they control you.
Awareness is a first step in being better with our feelings. And the reason is because we cannot change something that we don’t know about.
How Can Men Develop Emotional Intelligence?
Drawing from MensGroup’s five EQ components:
- Self-awareness: Journal daily or reflect after conflicts.
- Self-regulation: Use breathwork or timeouts before reacting.
- Motivation: Focus on long-term relationship goals, not short-term ego wins.
- Empathy: Ask yourself what others might be feeling.
- Social skills: Practice active listening and use “I” statements.
Emotionally intelligent people often show empathy and a clear sense of emotional connection, and a strong ability to understand emotional needs.
Action vs. Expression: Both Are Valid
According to the Centre for Male Psychology, many men process emotions through doing, not talking. And that’s okay.
Men may find that action helps them regulate their emotions more effectively.
Fixing things, working out, or creating can be healthy outlets. Just don’t let action replace emotional awareness.
Emotional intelligence isn’t about how you express. It’s about knowing what you feel and honouring it.
Men can learn both action-based and reflective emotional skills.
What Partners Can Do to Support Men
If you’re in a relationship with a man who struggles to open up:
- Avoid shaming his silence. Stay curious, not critical.
- Ask open questions: “What are you feeling right now?”
- Celebrate small moments of vulnerability.
- Offer safe space, not solutions.
Many women don’t understand how deeply men struggle to deal with emotional openness due to stigma. Male partners need support, not pressure.
Remember, many men grew up believing their feelings were a burden. Reversing that conditioning takes time and patience.
Cultural + Generational Conditioning Matters
Older generations often equate emotion with weakness. In some cultures, men are taught to value stoicism above all.
This makes emotional growth harder … but not impossible.
Men understand their emotional responses are shaped by upbringing.
Highlighting this context helps men see that embracing emotional intelligence isn’t about “becoming someone else”.
It’s about becoming more emotionally aware and creating deeper emotional intimacy in a man’s life.
Common Myths About Men and Emotions
| Myth | Fact |
|---|---|
| “Men who don’t cry lack emotional intelligence.” | EQ is not about crying — it’s about recognizing, understanding, and managing their emotions. |
| “Talking is the only way to process feelings.” | Many men use action (e.g., exercise, fixing things) as valid emotional processing tools. |
| “Men are less emotional than women.” | Men feel deeply but are taught to hide it. |
| “Expressing emotions makes you weak.” | Vulnerability builds trust, emotional connection, and leadership. |
| “You either have EQ or you don’t.” | Everyone can develop their emotional intelligence over time. Emotional intelligence is learned and practiced. |
Final Thought: Emotional Intelligence = Freedom
Whatever it looks like, the goal isn’t to become a different person. It’s to become more yourself without the weight of everything you’ve been carrying alone.
Emotional intelligence doesn’t make you soft. It makes you self-aware, resilient, and free. And if that’s not real strength, what is?
You don’t have to carry everything alone. You just have to start paying attention.
Because real strength isn’t in your silence. It’s in your ability to feel, heal, and connect.
Support at Get Reconnected
If you’re a man who has spent years holding everything together on the outside while feeling overwhelmed on the inside, you don’t have to figure this out alone.
At Get Reconnected Psychotherapy Services, we support men who want to understand their emotional world, build healthier relationships, and break free from the pressure to stay silent. Therapy offers a private, judgment-free space to explore what you feel, why you feel it, and how to respond with clarity instead of shutdown or anger.
Reach Out for Support
If something in your life doesn’t feel right, or you’re tired of keeping everything inside, reach out.
We offer free consultations so you can get a sense of what support might look like and whether it feels like the right fit.
You deserve space to breathe, reflect, and grow at your own pace.
Related Resources
- Insights on Mindfulness
- Insights on Emotions
- Neurobiology of Trauma
- Trauma 101: Understanding the Basics
- Anxiety Therapy in Toronto
FAQs
How does a man show emotional intelligence?
A man shows emotional intelligence by recognizing his emotions, managing them calmly, empathizing with others, and communicating clearly — especially during conflict. He responds rather than reacts and stays grounded under pressure.
Do men struggle with emotional intelligence?
Many men struggle with emotional intelligence due to cultural conditioning that discourages emotional expression. However, EQ is a learnable skill — men can develop it through reflection, safe relationships, and intentional practice.
Why do men hide their emotions?
Men often hide emotions because of cultural norms that equate vulnerability with weakness. From a young age, many are taught to suppress feelings like fear or sadness to appear “strong” or “masculine.”
Can a man be sensitive and strong?
Absolutely. Sensitivity is not the opposite of strength — it’s a form of emotional depth. Emotionally intelligent men often balance compassion with confidence, showing strength through authenticity.
What are signs of an emotionally intelligent man?
Signs include:
Expressing emotions clearly but calmly
Taking responsibility during conflict
Listening deeply without defensiveness
Setting healthy boundaries
Showing empathy and self-awareness
A liter version of this blog appeared as an interview with Delia on Style My Shoul blog.
source https://getreconnected.ca/blog/emotional-intelligence-in-men/
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