Trauma and Fertility: Delia Petrescu on The Fertility Yogi Podcast

When we think about fertility, we often focus on hormones, lab results, and treatment plans. But there’s another important piece of the puzzle that doesn’t always receive the attention it deserves: the nervous system.

In this episode of The Fertility Yogi Podcast, Delia Petrescu, Registered Psychotherapist and founder of Get Reconnected Psychotherapy Services, joins host Meena to discuss the relationship between trauma and fertility. Together, they explore how unresolved trauma, chronic stress, medical procedures, pregnancy loss, and the emotional weight of infertility can affect the nervous system and shape the fertility journey.

This conversation is not about suggesting that trauma causes infertility or placing blame on anyone struggling to conceive. Instead, it offers a compassionate, evidence-informed perspective on reproductive trauma, explaining how healing the nervous system can help people navigate uncertainty, grief, and fertility treatments with greater resilience.

Whether you’re currently trying to conceive, undergoing fertility treatment, recovering from pregnancy loss, or supporting someone on this path, this conversation provides practical insights into the emotional side of fertility that is too often overlooked.

Listen to the podcast here:

Full transcript here:

# fertility-yogi-023-trauma-infertility-delia-petrescu

**Meena:** Hi, I’m Meena, The Fertility Yogi. After conquering my own fertility challenges, I made it my mission to help others do the same. In The Fertility Yogi Podcast, I will share Eastern and Western fertility tips, talk to experts, and share fertility stories. We might cry, we might laugh, but most importantly, together, we will learn.

Are you on a fertility journey and searching for a natural way to support your fertility? I’m Meena, the Fertility Yogi, and I understand exactly how challenging this path can be. That’s why I created the Fertility Optimizer course, a step-by-step program designed to help you balance your body and help optimize your fertility naturally.

In this self-paced course, you’ll discover the powerful practices of Ayurveda, fertility-focused yoga, guided meditation, breathing exercises, and lifestyle strategies. These ancient techniques helped me overcome my own fertility challenges and conceive naturally, even after being told I had less than a 5% chance.

Ready to take charge of your fertility? Let’s work together to support your body and create your miracle. Visit fertilityyogi.com to learn more and enroll in the Fertility Optimizer course. Remember, your path to parenthood starts with nurturing yourself.

Today, we’re exploring a topic that is often overlooked but one that deserves compassion and understanding, trauma and fertility.

When we think about fertility, we often focus on hormones, lab results, and treatment plans. But most experiences, emotions, and the stories we carry in our bodies matter too. Trauma can take many forms. Childhood experiences, grief and loss, medical trauma, relationship challenges, or even the stress and heartbreak that can accompany infertility itself.

This conversation is not about blame or suggesting that trauma causes infertility. Rather, it’s about recognizing that we are whole beings, mind, body, and spirit. And that the emotional healing and nervous system support can be meaningful parts of the fertility journey. Joining me today is Delia Petrescu, a psychotherapist and founder of Get Reconnected Psychotherapy Services.

Delia, welcome to the Fertility Yogi podcast. I’m so happy to have you here.

**Delia:** Okay. Thank you for having me. It’s a pleasure being here.

**Meena:** Yeah. I saw you at the fertility show, and I’m excited that you are here with me today. I was wondering, many people hear the phrase trauma blocks fertility and feel confused.

Can you explain what that actually means from a psychological and nervous system perspective?

**Delia:** Yeah. That’s such a great question, and I actually have a bit of a complicated relationship with that phrase because when it lands without context, a lot of the times what people hear is that this is your fault or this is my fault, so it’s kinda like the blame involved in it.

And someone who’s already in the depths of a fertility struggle, if they’re struggling to conceive, does not need that on top of everything else, right? So I usually like to reframe it that trauma isn’t really about what happened to you, but it’s about what happened inside your nervous system as a result.

And when trauma goes unresolved, your nervous system basically stays on that high alert, so it’s constantly scanning for danger even if the danger is long gone. So even if, for example, if the trauma happened in childhood or a long time ago, there’s this thing that people a lot of the time don’t realize that your nervous system isn’t just running your emotions, but it’s running your hormones, your immune system, your gut.

It’s like pretty much the whole operating system for your whole body. And when that gets stuck in that survival mode, the body’s essentially saying, “This is not really a safe time to make a baby”, right? So it puts that into the back burner, and it’s not about being a weakness or a flaw or something wrong with the body, but it’s just basically evolutionary design.

And I really want to emphasize this, that healing trauma does not guarantee a pregnancy, but what it does is help your nervous system come out of that constant state of bracing, right? So you have more access to your own capacity for dealing with uncertainty, with unknown, and it makes the whole journey itself more survivable.

One way I like to reframe this to clients is that trauma shapes the landscape your body’s trying to work within, and then therapy is how we tend to that landscape. So I tell my clients, “Your body’s not failing you. It’s actually just protecting you the way it always has,” and the work that we have to do is just to help the nervous system learn that it doesn’t have to do that anymore, that the danger is long gone, you’re now safe.

So that’s basically how I address that trauma does block fertility.

**Meena:** So we touched on it a little bit when you spoke about hormones. How does the nervous system impact your hormones? What’s the connection there?

**Delia:** There was a publish I believe it was in the American Psychological Association published under the psychological trauma, and I think they looked at over 200 women who had experienced childhood trauma and found that those with PTSD symptoms reported fewer live births and more miscarriages.

So women who had experienced neglect specifically were more likely to need fertility treatments altogether. And what’s really interesting about that research is that it wasn’t just about the trauma itself, but it was about the way the trauma left behind in the nervous system. And what was really important was that PTSD piece mattered independently.

And when we’re thinking about how it disrupts, ’cause you asked me.. Sorry, I kind of deviated a little bit from the question. So it’s basically when the body feels that it’s in immediate danger, it drives up the cortisol. And cortisol becomes in competition with the reproductive hormones.

So it disrupts the progesterone, it throws off the estrogen balance. So It interferes with the hormonal signals that trigger ovulation. So basically, it changes the whole landscape, as I said earlier, as well.

**Meena:** I don’t know if this is similar, but you hear with elite athletes or if someone’s really stressed out, then they stop ovulating or stop getting their period.

Is that something similar that you’re talking about, just the impact of psychological stress?

**Delia:** Yeah. So when we’re thinking about when the body goes into stress, so for example, if you’re going on a hike and you’re seeing a bear or a tiger jumps in front of you, your body goes into survival mode, then your digestive system goes offline, your reproductive system goes offline.

So it’s now your body is just.. It’s more important to keep you safe rather than digesting the food that you just had or thinking about getting into the reproduction.

**Meena:** When it comes to types of trauma is it only major events that can cause a fertility blocking trauma? What level of trauma actually makes your body resistant to pregnancy?

**Delia:** That’s actually a really good question. The thing is, trauma is not just one type. It’s actually way more than most people assume.

We usually refer to this as big T trauma and then small T trauma. I think it’s important to know that trauma isn’t really defined by what happened, but defined by whether your nervous system was able to process and recover from it. Because when we think about trauma and like what happens to you, we can have two people go through the exact same experience, and then one moves on while the other one carries it for years, right?

So that’s not about who’s stronger or more sensitive, but it’s about what kind of support was available and how your nervous system was already wired at the time. So yes, it includes the obvious things, the abuse, assault, a serious loss. So usually those are regarded as the big T traumas, but it also includes what researchers call the small T trauma.

So this could be growing up in a home that felt unpredictable, you had emotional neglect, you probably never quite felt safe or seen. And this actually shaped the nervous system over time. So when it comes to infertility or struggling to conceive, that is very similar to a small T trauma because it’s like an invisible cumulative trauma that happens.

And not necessarily trauma in that sense, but it’s the stressors that keep on adding up. And then we also have the medical trauma, which is a lot of the times under-recognized in the fertility world. Like when you have to go through so many ultrasounds and so many medical procedures like egg retrievals and all of these invasive procedures, sitting in waiting rooms, waiting to get devastating news that maybe your ovaries are not reacting the same way as you were expecting or the doctor was expecting. Or you might be feeling dismissed by a doctor when something felt wrong. So I wanted to address what research found, is that women going through fertility treatments, they’ve reported anxiety and depression levels comparable to people with cancer or heart disease.

So context really matters, but the fertility journey itself can be really traumatic just through that accumulation of things. So each failed cycle, each loss, they layer. The nervous system doesn’t get a chance to actually fully recover before the next hit comes, before the next egg retrieval, or before the next loss or unpredictability that you have.

**Meena:** Yeah. It’s funny that you.. it just reminds me of a time actually that when I was going through my fertility journey, I was trying all these things to try to get pregnant, and one of them was an item that you can get at the drugstore. And I remember looking at a Shoppers Drug Mart flyer years later after conceiving and seeing that item, and then my body just went into, like my heart started racing.

So I was like my God, this is still stored in me.

And I think small T trauma is not really… you don’t really… when you have a big trauma, you can identify it right away and then think, “Okay, maybe I should go talk to someone about what just happened,” and unravel and process. But with small T trauma, it’s the buildup, and you don’t notice that these are traumas until you’re… it shapes you.

Yes. And you use the word process and when it comes to yogic philosophy, they say, also say that you digest your food, but you also need to digest your emotions in order..

**Delia:** Mm. I like that.

**Meena:** In order to pass. It’s like your food and also your emotions. If you don’t digest them, they stay in your body.

So they knew that thousands of years ago. That you need to talk and do whatever you can do to try to release those emotions, or otherwise they can stay and hide.

**Delia:** 100%, yeah. Well, ’cause they get suppressed, right? I usually use the analogy with clients that if you’re not actually allowing the feeling or whatever is going on for you, it’s almost as if you’re holding a balloon underwater, and at one point your hands are gonna get tired, and it’s gonna jump right in your face, right?

So it’s like the same thing with these emotions, that if we ignore them or if we don’t process them, they’re still there. They’re gonna come up eventually somehow.

**Meena:** Yeah. And it’s shocking when it does come up. You just don’t expect it. It can happen out of anywhere, and it’s… yeah.

**Delia:** I usually tell my clients that sometimes, having, even after, let’s say, having a pregnancy, having the child, so wanted child after, doesn’t heal the infertility. So a lot of the times even if you do have your family, you end up getting the family that you always wanted, years later you might be going to a baby shower, you might be going to a wedding, and somebody talks about, “Oh, my daughter just had a baby, and she didn’t even try,” or “They weren’t even trying.”

And that could trigger you back into feeling how you were feeling back couple of years ago. So it does come up.

**Meena:** Yeah, and it’s not just even just the obvious things like baby showers or things like that. But also just when you turn on your computer or your phone and there’s a birth announcement or someone’s ultrasound or you go to work and you go onto your work email and then your manager says, “Oh, congratulations to so-and-so”. It’s everywhere and you can’t protect yourself. At least you can say, “Okay, I’m not going to that,” if you don’t want to go to the baby shower, you have a choice. And that’s up to you.

But with these other things in life that just pop up out of nowhere, or just you’re in a mall and all of a sudden you see some friend and she’s very pregnant that you haven’t seen in a long time. All these things. Just, yeah. It’s a hard journey. It’s a very hard journey.

**Delia:** And the moment you walk outside, there chances are you’re gonna see someone pushing a stroller, you’re gonna see a pregnant woman. Or when you go grocery shopping, you see baby food in the aisle or diapers and things like that. So the triggers are always gonna be there.

**Meena:** Yeah. And the funny thing is, too, I remember when I would see these things, and it would almost be like a dart would go into my heart. It would just kind of paralyze me, right? When you’re going through it, you want something so badly, and you open the doors and you see someone who has it.

And I wasn’t jealous or anything like that. It was just like a reminder- Mm-hmm … that it’s something I really want, and I’m having trouble having it. And at the same time when you see someone who’s pregnant and there’s a fear, like this fear comes over you, are you also telling your body that this is not something I want, because as soon as you see that, there’s fear? Does that play into it?

**Delia:** Yeah, for sure. Because it drives it with the nervous system, right? And it’s very much related with the hope, that you’re afraid to hope, for the future if … And I have clients that even after they get pregnant, after many losses or after years of struggling to conceive or treatments, it’s almost like they don’t enjoy the pregnancy. So it’s that fear that is driving everything.

**Meena:** So we talked about how repeated losses and failed cycles and the continual, getting a period every month and reliving the trauma… If someone were to come see you for this, how long does it usually take to get to some sort of resolution? I know it’s not a fair question because it depends on the situation, but- Just wondering, what can people expect when they come in? Or online?

**Delia:** It depends on where they are in the journey, and it also depends on how ready they are to explore what is happening for them.

But usually the way I like to work with is always going into the triggers into the body base approaches. Because as we’re talking about trauma, trauma gets stored most of the time in the body. So a lot of the times, when we feel the clenched stomach or things like that, or you feel like a lump in your throat most of the time that’s where I go through, like somatic approaches.

I use a lot of the polyvagal theory. But I try to meet the client where they’re at. And a lot of the times … I do both psychotherapy and counseling, so the counseling is kind of guiding them to get them to where they wanna be when it comes to treatments and to help them as much as I can.

But it’s also the psychotherapy aspect that it’s how do they get to process the emotion? How do they become more aware of what is happening in the body when they’re struggling? And the hardest thing about this is that it’s the unknown and it’s the waiting, right? It’s not knowing when things are gonna happen, and it’s the uncertainty.

So basically part of my work is getting them to extend that window of tolerance to become a bit more comfortable sitting with that discomfort of the uncertainty of the unknown. And that can be very hard, and it can take some people a few sessions, and then others a lot more sessions.

Or some people might get to have a bigger window of tolerance, and then something happens, a loss or treatment doesn’t go exactly how they’re planning to go, and then they’re regressing back. So this is very complicated because we’re dealing with both emotions and the body, the physical stress on the body. It’s hard.

**Meena:** Yeah. And I do a lot of fertility meditation and breathing exercise with my clients. And some … The ones that have very deep trauma, they tell me they have a hard time doing that because it releases so much all at once. So we have to come up with a plan to do it slowly. Just to make sure that it’s not overwhelming. ‘Cause if it’s too much, it’s nothing positive, right? You have to increase the time slowly and slowly to their tolerance and it’s a longer process. But for some people, yeah, they can’t. It’s too much for them, and they shut down then.

**Delia:** Of course, yeah.

**Meena:** And it’s hard to get them to open up again.

**Delia:** And it matters how their nervous system was wired in the first place, right? Because if it’s someone that, ’cause we were talking earlier about a previous trauma, like a childhood neglect or a childhood trauma could actually impact the reproductive years later on.

For a lot of people, if they’re used to chaos or if they’re used to their nervous system being dysregulated, when they’re trying to do a meditation or breath work, it actually feels very unsafe, and it can actually do more damage than actually heal what we’re trying to heal.

So you’re spot on when you say that you have to dip your toes in the water and take it slow.

**Meena:** Yeah. And also, I wanted to ask you a question about mental blocks. I’ve noticed a pattern, and this is not true for everybody, but I did… anecdotally, I’ve noticed something that with people who are having trouble… being the women, if they knew their mothers had problems conceiving or if they were adopted themselves they have a harder time conceiving.

And a lot of times I see them, they don’t know why. It’s more of a unexplained. And I was wondering, can learning about that cause mental blocks? ‘Cause I find sometimes they just have these mental blocks. They don’t have a medical reason apparently that they’re not conceiving, but they just know that their mom had issues or they were adopted because their adoptive parents couldn’t have children. Do you ever see that?

**Delia:** Mm-hmm.

**Meena:** Or is it just something…

**Delia:** It could be, it all depends, right? When we’re thinking about hereditary or genetics, right? If let’s say your mom had a diminished ovarian reserve and she got her menopause much earlier in life, so for example, let’s say like 40 or 45, chances are it might be hereditary.

So if you’re trying closer to 40, then that could be a reason why. But I know you mentioned the unexplained infertility. I have a love-hate relationship with that word. I find- Yeah … that it’s never unexplained. It’s just… … unexplored, right? So it’s, it might not necessarily be a mental block.

If we’re thinking about going back to the stress, how stress doesn’t necessarily affect getting pregnant or not. You can’t think your way into getting pregnant, same way as you can’t think your way out of getting pregnant, right? So just because you’re thinking that you might not get pregnant because your mom, or your grandma, or someone in your family, that doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s gonna affect it.

**Meena:** Yeah. Okay.

**Delia:** Yeah.

**Meena:** Yeah. I agree with you a lot. Unexplained just means it’s hasn’t been found yet.

Yeah. Yeah. This is a new term that I’ve heard of, and maybe you’ve heard it longer than me, that the body keeps score. Mm-hmm. Is that what you’re talking about with the trauma and just not digesting or processing it, it just keeps score?

**Delia:** Yeah. So it gets stored in the body. And I honestly, I see this every single day in my work. And the most common thing people describe this is that constant tension in the body. Like they’re always bracing for bad news or for a bad cycle. Sleep that never feels restful, so no matter how much they get, so even if they get six to eight hours of sleep, they might still wake up feeling unrested.

And then they might also feel that anxiety is constantly running in the background holding their breath without realizing it, and it’s that kind of exhaustion that doesn’t go away even after that full night’s sleep. And a lot of clients describe feeling like they’re living from the neck up, like they’ve completely checked out of their physical experience.

And that makes so much sense, right? Because you’re- Yeah … like mostly, your body has become that source of fear and disappointment over and over again. And of course, part of you is going to try to escape it. It’s a protective measure. And the problem is it also creates that real distance from yourself, and it’s very hard to live in your own body, right?

And another piece of the body keeping the score is that there could also be that emotional flatness. It’s people who go completely numb after a negative test or a loss, and then they feel guilty about it, and they might say “Well, I should be feeling something, from this, you know? I shouldn’t be feeling numb.” And I always want to name that because I think it gets misread a lot. That’s not someone who doesn’t care. That’s just pretty much the nervous system that has its limits, right? It’s shutting down to protect itself. So for each individual, we have unique ways of how the body keeps the score, how our nervous system reacts, and how it’s protecting us.

And I want people to know that none of this is random. It just makes sense when you understand what the nervous system has been through. And for a lot of people, it can be years and years of fertility treatments and fertility struggles.

**Meena:** Are there any signs that a person might have… if they’re on their fertility journey and… is there any signs that they may be affected by unresolved trauma, if they don’t know they had trauma? Is there any signs that they could look out for if they’re listening to this podcast, are wondering if they have trauma?

**Delia:** Yeah, for sure.

**Meena:** That’s unresolved?

**Delia:** And that happens to a lot of people, right? Because a lot of people when they think about trauma, they think about the big T trauma, right?

**Meena:** Exactly.

**Delia:** The ones that stand out to me the most are the ones people that don’t even realize are connected. So for example, someone who gets to their monitoring appointment and just goes somewhere else, right? So they’re physically in the room, they’re answering questions, but they’re not really there, right?

So it’s … automatically checking out. And that happens so fast that they don’t even notice it. Or someone who gets a negative test and feels absolutely nothing, and then a lot of the times they come to me confused, and a little scared by their own numbness, right? They expect to cry and, but instead they just go flat.

So it’s going back to that emotional flatness that I mentioned earlier. So a lot of people often think that means they’re either handling it well, but it usually means the opposite, that there’s this very specific kind of shame that shows up, and it’s different from grief or sadness. So it’s not just, I’m heartbroken that this is not working, but it’s like that kind of like the thoughts that we’re having, this is something definitely wrong with me.

And that’s a really important distinction clinically, because that shame usually has roots that go way deeper than the fertility journey. And most of the time the journey just cracked it open, right? So it opened up that previous trauma, that kind of shadow trauma that could have been from a long time ago.

And I also notice people who have completely lost their ability to trust their own instincts. So they might second-guess their every symptom, their feeling, their decision, and then they have this gut sense that something isn’t right with their care and they won’t say a word to their doctor. And underneath of it all, it’s this feeling that their body’s the enemy.

So it’s not necessarily the frustration, but something more than that. So it’s a kind of a sense of betrayal, and that’s usually where I would start looking to that, like what is the trauma behind it? What is that wound?

**Meena:** Yeah, I completely understand that, ’cause, when you do everything and you’re taking all the vitamins, you’re taking all the supplements, you’re doing all the yoga, you’re doing whatever like you’re supposed- to be doing, you’re doing. And still month after month negative test. You’re just like wondering what the heck’s going on. I’m doing all the right things. Why isn’t my body responding the way it should be? And yeah, it’s devastating. I find especially if you’re a Type A personality, where your whole life you’ve been working towards something and you accomplish the goal because you worked hard and you accomplished the goal.

And then with fertility, you can do everything and then still not achieve the goal, and it’s hard mentally just to understand that. Yeah. Cause you’re like, ” I’m doing everything. Why isn’t it happening?” It’s like a different equation than- … the rest of your life, where one plus one equals two . Well, it’s not doing it anymore.

**Delia:** 100%, yeah.

**Meena:** It’s very frustrating.

**Delia:** And it’s almost like we get from that shock into that despair mode, right? It’s you’re trying to look for any type of miracle. You hear someone that, oh, they tried this certain tea or they did certain things. And that can create even more headaches.

**Meena:** Have you experienced a situation where someone’s been trying and eventually they decide, “Okay, I’m not continuing on this type of journey, but I wanna have the adoption journey,” and they adopt, and then they get pregnant naturally after? Do you see any of that?

**Delia:** I think I’ve had one client in my whole career, so it doesn’t happen too often. But usually right before trying either a different treatment or stopping the treatment, I always try to guide the clients to still process that grief. So for example- if you’re trying fertility treatments and then you’re going the adoption route, going back to what I said earlier that having a child doesn’t cure infertility, so you’re still carrying on that grief and the infertility can be traumatic for a lot of people. So it’s good to deal with that, process it before going forward.

**Meena:** Yeah. And I just want to acknowledge, too, that when people do start the adoption process it’s very similar in… you don’t know when you’re gonna get the call, whether once you get approved, and there’s so much paperwork, and there’s a lot of waiting. And I think a lot of people- Mm-hmm … they don’t know that it could take years.

And again, you’re at the mercy of the universe, right? Calling you up and being like, “Okay, now it’s your turn.” Yeah. So it’s, again, waiting. Being patient and waiting and, yeah.

**Delia:** And the uncertainty.

**Meena:** Yeah.

**Delia:** And then it’s also such a different process, right? And a lot of times people, they expect that once they go the adoption route, they’re gonna get the baby, right?

Everybody wants to have an infant. And most of the time it doesn’t happen that way, and then you can become disappointed that the only child that you can adopt is a 10-year-old or a 12-year-old. So then it puts you at a point that you have to make a decision. And it still brings a lot of grief.

**Meena:** Yeah. So what types of therapy or healing approaches are, in your opinion, the most effective for trauma and when it comes to fertility?

**Delia:** Yeah. So I’m gonna speak a lot about one type of approach that I’m trained in. I’m trained in accelerated resolution therapy, and I find this approach beneficial for reproductive trauma because it works with how the nervous system stores the traumatic memory and the images, and it can actually move a lot faster than traditional talk therapy.

And for example, when someone is in the middle of active fertility treatment and that speed can matter, this type of therapy can help with a variety of concerns. So for instance, if someone is fearful of that egg retrieval, I’ve had clients that had needle phobia, and we know how many injections we have to do through just to have the egg retrieval.

Or overcoming a fear of an ultrasound imaging after having experienced sexual abuse previously in life. Or even calming the nervous system right after an embryo transfer. And I wanted to bring an association with EMDR, ’cause it’s very similar to accelerated resolution therapy.

And EMDR stands for eye movement desensitization and reprocessing. I know it’s always such a mouthful. So they both work through a similar mechanism and has a really solid research behind it. And what both of those have in common with somatic approaches is that recognition that trauma lives in the body.

The body keeps the score, and not just in the story that we tell about it. And you can talk about what happened, about what is stressing you, about what worries you 100 times, and still have your nervous system responding like it’s still happening. So it’s like similar to what you mentioned, that years later something can still trigger you when you’re going to a party and somebody talks about it, right?

Like your nervous system is still responding to that. And body-based work reaches basically more than words alone can. Also nervous system regulation work, this could be done through somatic approaches or polyvagal theory, and it’s basically building what I also mentioned earlier, building that window of tolerance and the capacity to stay present with hard things without shutting down or flooding ourselves by dysregulating ourselves.

So I usually use this as a base when it comes to fertility treatments, because we hold so much uncertainty for such long stretches of time. Like I know you mentioned the waiting and just waiting and more in the unknown, and that takes real tolerance for uncertainty and that unknown that we don’t know when it’s gonna happen or whether it will happen.

But in the end, I don’t think one approach fits everyone, but I do think that body-based work should be non-negotiable when we’re talking about reproductive trauma or trauma in general.

**Meena:** Okay. That’s good to know. How do practices like breathwork or meditation or yoga support trauma healing alongside psychotherapy? Do you have an opinion about that?

**Delia:** Yeah. And I think they’re all really great, and they all have in common is that they bring it back into the relationship with your body, and that’s exactly what trauma takes away. And breathwork directly activates the vagus nerve and can shift your nervous system out of a stress response in real time.

There’s lots of research on how slow diaphragmatic breathing lowers that cortisol. Yoga can also build the interoceptive awareness, which is basically your ability to notice and stay with the body sensations. And that can be the base and foundation for trauma recovery.

And I believe it’s research on yoga specifically for women with infertility has shown that it can really reduce their distress when it comes to going through the fertility treatments. Meditation also builds on… this is called from acceptance and commitment therapy, the observer self.

So it’s the part of you that can notice what’s happening without being completely swept away by it, right? So it’s almost noticing when you have that tension in your chest, noticing that anxiety shows up in your shoulders or whatever it shows up. And this capacity through breathwork, through yoga, it can be really worth cultivating for…

And not necessarily just for a fertility journey, for everyone. But the one thing that I always say, and you mentioned this, to go slowly, right? So for someone who experienced trauma, the body awareness can actually feel threatening at first. A nervous system that’s been in survival mode for a long time can actually experience it as dangerous.

So we gotta follow what feels safe and don’t push, and expand from there. So just dipping your feet in the water first before you go jumping in.

**Meena:** For the people especially if they feel the opposite of anxiety where they feel numb instead and they’re disassociated from their body in some ways.

The breath in yoga, it says that the breath is the bridge between the mind and the body. So when you do your yoga and you’re doing the inhale and exhale during your yoga postures, it helps connect the two. It’s a whole system. The whole system needs to be working together in order to help heal.

**Delia:** Yeah. And you brought up a really good point . It’s the mind-body connection, right? And, and I think-

**Meena:** That is the connection, the breath.

**Delia:** Yeah, for sure. And if we think about it, what’s amazing and fascinating about the brain is that if you close your eyes, and that’s why meditation works, and mindfulness, and it’s similar to that, it’s when you close your eyes and you’re imagining for example, your favorite dessert or your favorite food. The moment you start visualizing it your stomach starts digesting it, your mouth starts salivating, so it’s as if it’s right there in front of you.

So it’s the same thing- with the breathwork when you’re telling your body that, “Hey, this is safe. There’s no danger. There’s no bear in front of me,” it can really connect that and communicate between that- … safety.

**Meena:** 100%. Yeah, I agree. For someone who’s listening who’s experienced trauma and is struggling to conceive, what message would you like to give them?

**Delia:** Yeah. So I want the person listening to know that what they’re carrying is a real wound, and it’s not necessarily an overreaction, but it’s a wound. And like any wound, it doesn’t just disappear because you’re busy or because you’re staying positive or because you have yet another cycle to focus on. So untreated wounds don’t heal on their own.

It’s almost like they get covered up. It’s almost like you’re putting a Band-Aid on top of it, and then you just forget about it. So with the infertility world it’s very good at keeping us focused on the next step, the next cycle, the next treatment, the next protocol, the next appointment.

In a way, that leaves us with no room to acknowledge how deep that emotional wound actually goes. And it doesn’t give us enough time to actually process it before going into the next step. So people keep moving forward while quietly bleeding on the inside, if I can say that, and then they wonder why they feel so lost.

So I want people to hear that the psychological wound of infertility is real, and it is very serious, and it deserves real care. And getting actually support from someone who understands what this journey does to a person, to their sense of self, to their sense of their body, their relationships their vision of the future, ’cause it threatens your imagined future.

And the bravest thing you can do right now in the middle of this is to say that, ” this wound that I have right now needs attention.” And whatever happens at the end of your fertility journey, however your story unfolds, you deserve to come out of it with yourself still intact. And that’s basically what this work is really about, not just your fertility but you.

**Meena:** That’s beautiful. So if people are interested in talking to you, how do they find you?

**Delia:** Yep. So I have a group practice called Get Reconnected Psychotherapy Services. But they can also find me at fertilitywithdelia.com. I also have an Instagram page @fertilitywithdelia. So they can find me either on social media or through the website.

And yeah.

**Meena:** Perfect. And I’ll put that in the notes too so people can look you up and contact you. Perfect. Thank you so much. It was so nice speaking to you. It was such a fascinating conversation.

Trauma is such a mystery, and it’s nice to break it down and realize how much it can affect fertility.

**Delia:** For sure. So thank you. And I think we definitely needed a lot more than half an hour to address this. But it’s definitely such an important topic. And thank you so much for having me as a guest.

**Meena:** Perfect. Thank you so much.

**Delia:** Thank you.

 

source https://getreconnected.ca/blog/trauma-fertility-yogi-podcast-ep26/

May 2026 Get Reconnected Newsletter – Insights on The Mental Health Cost of Always Being ‘Fine’

How often do you say “I’m fine” when you’re really not? Maybe you’re overwhelmed at work, or frustrated in your relationship, or just exhausted…but it feels easier to brush it off than to explain.

We push things down and carry on like everything’s okay.

But over time, that starts to wear on you. It doesn’t just affect how you feel, it can show up in your body, your relationships, and your overall wellbeing.

Since May is Mental Health Awareness Month (and also Maternal Mental Health Awareness), we wanted to take a closer look at what happens when we get used to hiding how we feel and why this can be especially true for new mothers.

Meta-Analysis: Suppressing Emotions Damages Your Relationships

Woman hiding emotions behind a smile drawing while experiencing emotional distress. Image used by Get Reconnected Psychotherapy and Counselling Services

A 2017 meta-analysis published in the journal Emotion (American Psychological Association) reviewed 43 studies to understand how suppressing emotions affects our social lives and relationships. The researchers analyzed 105 different effect sizes to get a comprehensive picture of what happens interpersonally when people habitually keep their feelings hidden.

The results were clear and consistent across studies. People who regularly suppressed their emotions experienced more negative first impressions from others, received less social support, reported lower social satisfaction, and had poorer romantic relationship quality.

The research also found that expressing positive emotions was associated with better social outcomes, while suppressing emotions, regardless of whether those emotions were positive or negative, was linked to worse outcomes across the board.

Why is This Important?

This is one of those findings that seems counterintuitive at first. Many people hold back their emotions because they believe it will improve their relationships. We hold back our frustration because we don’t want to start a fight. We hide our sadness because we don’t want to worry anyone. We downplay our anxiety because we don’t want to seem weak or needy.

But this research shows that the opposite is actually true. When we consistently hide how we feel, it creates a barrier between us and the people in our lives. Others can sense that something is off, even if they can’t pinpoint what it is. Over time, that distance builds.

Think about it from the other side. When someone you care about always says they’re “fine” even when you know they’re struggling, it doesn’t make you feel closer to them. It makes you feel shut out. You might stop asking how they’re doing because you know you won’t get a real answer. Eventually, the relationship starts to feel surface-level, even if you genuinely care about each other.

The research found that suppression affects romantic relationships especially hard. When one partner is constantly holding back their emotions, it reduces intimacy, trust, and the sense that you’re truly known by the person you’re with.

For anyone who has ever thought “I’m protecting my relationship by not bringing this up,” this study suggests you might actually be doing the opposite. Relationships grow through honesty and emotional vulnerability, not through performance.

Read Article Here

Baylor University: Your Body Pays the Price for Emotional Suppression

Brain with emotional suppression concept illustration showing the physical toll of suppressed emotions. Image used by Get Reconnected Psychotherapy and Counselling Services

A 2024 meta-analysis published in Health Psychology Review by researchers at Baylor University examined the connection between emotional suppression and the body’s physiological stress response. The researchers reviewed both experimental and correlational studies to understand what happens inside our bodies when we push our emotions down.

The findings confirmed what many researchers had long suspected: when people are instructed to suppress their emotions during stressful situations, their bodies show elevated physiological stress responses. Essentially, the act of suppression itself becomes an additional stressor on top of whatever is already causing the emotional reaction.

This means that when you hold back your emotions, your body doesn’t just quietly absorb them. It reacts. Your cardiovascular system works harder, your stress hormones stay elevated, and your body remains in a heightened state of alert, even though outwardly you might look completely calm.

Why is This Important?

This research helps explain the “how” behind the health effects found in the other studies. When you suppress your emotions, you’re essentially asking your body to do two things at once: experience a stressful or emotional situation AND actively work to hide that experience from the outside world. That’s a lot of internal effort.

Imagine you’re in a meeting and your boss says something that makes you angry. On the outside, you nod and smile. But on the inside, your heart rate increases, your blood pressure rises, and stress hormones flood your system. Your body is preparing for a response that you’ve decided not to allow.

Now imagine that happening multiple times a day, every day, for years. The researchers suggest that this pattern essentially turns emotional suppression into a chronic stressor. Your body never fully gets to process and release the stress because you’re constantly overriding its natural responses.

Read Article Here

May is Also Maternal Mental Health Awareness Month

Everything we just discussed about emotional suppression takes on an even deeper meaning when we look at what new mothers go through. If there’s one group of people who face relentless pressure to perform “fine,” it’s moms, especially in the early postpartum period.

The expectations are enormous: bond with your baby instantly, breastfeed without difficulty, bounce back physically, keep your household running, and do it all with a smile. And when reality doesn’t match that picture, many mothers don’t reach out for help. Instead, they go quiet. They push through. They tell everyone they’re fine.

UK Study: The Shame and Guilt That Keeps New Mothers Silent

Mother experiencing guilt and emotional burden while caring for child. Image used by Get Reconnected Psychotherapy and Counselling Services

A 2024 study published in the European Journal of Investigation in Health, Psychology and Education by researchers at the University of Liverpool explored what guilt and shame actually feel like for women in the early postpartum period. The researchers conducted in-depth interviews with 20 women who had given birth within the past 16 weeks.

What they found was striking, but probably not surprising to any mother who has lived through those early weeks. Every single participant had internalized unrealistic ideals about what motherhood was supposed to look like. When their actual experience didn’t match those ideals, the gap between expectation and reality became a source of intense guilt and shame.

Mothers described feeling guilty about everything: not bonding with their baby quickly enough, struggling with breastfeeding, needing a break, feeling frustrated or overwhelmed, or simply not feeling the way they thought they were supposed to feel. Physical recovery from birth made things harder, as many women felt unable to parent the way they wanted while their bodies were still healing.

Perhaps most concerning was the finding that participants were hesitant to talk to anyone about what they were going through. They feared being judged. They worried that admitting they were struggling would mean they were a bad mother. So instead of reaching out, they kept it to themselves, which only deepened the cycle of shame and isolation.

Why is This Important?

This study captures something that millions of mothers experience but rarely talk about openly: the feeling that struggling means failing.

There’s this unspoken expectation that motherhood should come naturally, that you should be grateful and happy all the time, and that needing help is a sign that something is wrong with you. When a new mother is exhausted, overwhelmed, crying for no reason, or feeling disconnected from her baby, the last thing she wants to hear is “enjoy every moment” or “you should be grateful.” But that’s often exactly what she gets.

What makes this especially painful is that the shame itself becomes the barrier to getting better. A mother who feels guilty about struggling is unlikely to tell her doctor, her partner, or her friends. She’s not going to ask for help because asking for help feels like proof that she’s not good enough. So she stays stuck in a cycle where the thing that could help her, being honest about how she feels, is the very thing shame won’t let her do.

Read Article Here

Final Thoughts

Keeping everything in might look like strength. But the research tells a different story. Keeping everything inside doesn’t make you stronger. Over time, it can leave you feeling drained, disconnected, and alone.

Mental Health Awareness Month is a good time to ask yourself: where in my life am I performing “fine” instead of actually being honest? And what would it look like to let someone in, even just a little?

You don’t have to have it all figured out. You just have to be willing to stop pretending that you do.

source https://getreconnected.ca/blog/may-2026-get-reconnected-newsletter-insights-on-the-mental-health-cost-of-always-being-fine/

Get Reconnected Psychotherapy Services Partners With the University of Toronto Mississauga on Marketing Student Placement Program

Get Reconnected Psychotherapy Services announces the addition of marketing intern Talia Dahdah through a student placement partnership with the University of Toronto Mississauga.

Talia Dahdah has joined Get Reconnected as part of the CCT/WRI410 experiential learning program, contributing to marketing strategy, content development, and communications initiatives that support the clinic’s public education and community outreach efforts. The placement runs from January 5 to March 30, 2026, with a total of 100 supervised placement hours completed during regular business hours.

This collaboration supports Get Reconnected’s commitment to ethical marketing, knowledge sharing, and mentorship while providing students with hands-on experience in a real-world healthcare communications environment.

“We value the opportunity to support emerging marketing professionals while strengthening how we communicate mental health resources to the public”, said Delia Petrescu, Founder and Registered Psychotherapist at Get Reconnected. “Student placements like this allow us to contribute to education while benefiting from fresh perspectives and academic rigor.”

The placement is conducted under a formal agreement with the University of Toronto Mississauga and includes structured supervision, weekly check-ins, and defined learning objectives aligned with university requirements.

About Get Reconnected Psychotherapy Services

Founded by Registered Psychotherapist Delia Petrescu, Get Reconnected is a virtual psychotherapy clinic serving individuals and couples across Ontario, offering accessible and client-centred mental health care.

Get Reconnected Psychotherapy Services
Toronto, Ontario
em@getreconnected.ca

Get Reconnected Psychotherapy & Counselling Services – Toronto Based Clinic, Serving Ontario

120 Eglinton Ave E Suite 202-A, Toronto, ON M4P 1E2
(905) 439-6734

source https://getreconnected.ca/blog/marketing-internship-university-of-toronto-mississauga/

Phobia Meaning: Understanding When Fear Becomes More Than Just Fear

Stone inscription spelling ‘Phobia’ representing anxiety and fear. Image used by Get Reconnected Psychotherapy and Counselling Services.

Have you ever wondered if your fear is something more?

Phobias are a type of anxiety condition, and phobias may be more than just being scared of something.

If you’re wondering whether what you’re experiencing is “just” fear or something more significant, or if you feel embarrassed because your reaction seems irrational even to you, you’re not overreacting.

As someone who works with people navigating various anxiety challenges, I’ve seen how profoundly phobias can cause disruption in daily routines, social relationships, career opportunities, and overall safety and freedom. These fears often disrupt functioning in subtle but powerful ways.

These aren’t just annoying quirks or personality traits. A phobia is an anxiety disorder, and it is a recognized mental health condition.

Those with a specific phobia frequently describe a sense of being controlled by their own fears.

It’s not only about the source of their fear, but the ripple effects avoidance creates across their entire life.

This blog will discuss what phobias are, what are the differences between fear and phobias, what happens to you when you’re experiencing a phobia and what are some therapy approaches that can help with phobias.

Types of Phobias

Phobias are usually grouped into several categories, although each person’s experience can differ.

One major category is specific phobias, which involve intense fear of particular objects or situations.

Specific Phobias

These involve fear of particular objects or situations. Some of the most common include:

Animal phobias: Fear of dogs, spiders, snakes, insects, or other creatures. These are among the most common phobias and often develop in childhood.

Natural environment phobias: Fear of heights (acrophobia), storms, water, or darkness. These often involve situations where you feel you have less control over your safety.

Situational phobias: Fear of flying, driving, enclosed spaces (claustrophobia), or bridges. These can significantly impact daily life and limit opportunities.

Blood-injection-injury phobias: Fear of needles, medical procedures, blood, or injuries. This form is distinct in that it can lead to fainting, caused by a rapid drop in blood pressure.

Other specific phobias: Fear of vomiting (emetophobia), choking, loud sounds, costumed characters, or specific situations unique to your experience.

Social Phobia (Social Anxiety Disorder)

A woman appears anxious in a crowd, representing social phobia. Image used by Get Reconnected Psychotherapy and Counselling Services.

While technically its own diagnosis, social phobia deserves mention because it’s one of the most common and impairing anxiety conditions.

Social phobia is marked by a strong fear of social situations in which a person worries about being judged, embarrassed, or humiliated.

Unlike shyness, social phobia can be so severe that it prevents you from pursuing education, career advancement, or meaningful relationships.

Agoraphobia

A woman peeks nervously, representing agoraphobia and anxiety. Image used by Get Reconnected Psychotherapy and Counselling Services.

A woman peeks nervously, representing agoraphobia and anxiety. Image used by Get Reconnected Psychotherapy and Counselling Services.This involves fear of situations where escape might be difficult or help might not be available if you have a panic attack.

People with agoraphobia might avoid public transportation, open spaces, enclosed spaces, crowds, or being outside the home alone.

In severe cases, people can become essentially ‘trapped’ in their own home.

What Makes a Fear Become a Phobia?

A girl displays a sticker representing fear and phobia meaning. Image used by Get Reconnected Psychotherapy and Counselling Services.

When we talk about phobias in mental health, we are describing an intense and persistent fear of a specific object, situation, or activity that is irrational and leads to significant distress or avoidance.

A phobia involves strong fear, feelings of fear, and extreme anxiety that feels uncontrollable. This is different from everyday fear and anxiety, which typically pass once the situation ends.

People with phobias usually recognize that their fear is disproportionate to any actual danger, but they can’t simply “talk themselves out of it” or “just get over it.”

A phobia isn’t just about being uncomfortable or nervous. It’s about an overwhelming anxiety response that can feel completely out of your control.

Regular fear is a normal and helpful part of being human. Fear keeps us safe by alerting us to genuine dangers. But a phobia is different. It’s when your brain’s threat detection system becomes miscalibrated and starts treating something relatively harmless as if it’s a life-threatening danger.

The Difference Between Fear and Phobia

Wooden blocks spell ‘Fear’ highlighting phobia meaning and anxiety. Image used by Get Reconnected Psychotherapy and Counselling Services.

We all have things we’re afraid of or prefer to avoid. But there’s a significant difference between a normal fear and a phobia:

Normal fear is proportional to the threat, doesn’t significantly interfere with your life, and you can usually manage it with some effort.

A phobia, on the other hand, creates persistent fear, leads to avoidance behaviors, and disrupts your life in meaningful ways.

If you’ve ever cancelled important plans, turned down opportunities, or structured your routine to avoid being exposed to the feared object or situation, you may be dealing with more than ordinary fear.

What Happens to Your Brain During a Phobic Response

Illustration of brain arrows demonstrating phobic response and stress. Image used by Get Reconnected Psychotherapy and Counselling Services.

When you encounter your phobic trigger, your brain’s alarm system (centered in the amygdala) essentially hits the panic button.

Your amygdala doesn’t distinguish between levels of threat. Whether you’re confronting an actual predator or seeing a spider in the corner of your room, your brain can respond with the same intensity of alarm bells.

This is why people with phobias often describe feeling like they’re going to die or like something catastrophic is about to happen, even when logically they know they’re safe.

Your Threat Detection Goes Into Overdrive

The amygdala is your brain’s smoke detector. If you’re living with a phobia, it can feel like an alarm system that reacts to harmless cues, blaring just as loudly as it would in a real emergency.

It’s not that your brain is broken or that you’re weak. Your brain is actually doing exactly what it’s designed to do: protect you from threats. It’s just that the threat detection system has learned to respond to the wrong things.

This makes sense when you understand that phobias often develop from negative experiences or learned associations. Your brain encountered something it interpreted as dangerous once, and now it’s on high alert to protect you from that thing forever.

The Anxiety Cascade

When you encounter your phobic trigger, several things happen almost instantly:

Your amygdala activates and sends out an alarm signal. This sets off a surge of stress hormones, including cortisol and adrenaline. Your heart rate increases, your breathing becomes rapid and shallow, your muscles tense up, and your body prepares for fight or flight.

At the same time, the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for reasoning and decision making, effectively shuts down.

This explains why a phobic reaction cannot be resolved through reasoning in the moment. The survival-oriented parts of the brain take control, and logical thinking is temporarily sidelined.

Physical Symptoms Are Real

The physical symptoms of a phobic response can be intense and frightening: rapid heartbeat, shortness of breath, sweating, trembling, nausea, dizziness, chest pain, and a feeling of choking or being smothered.

These aren’t “just in your head.” They’re real physiological responses that your body is creating. And if you’ve experienced panic attacks triggered by your phobia, you know how terrifying these physical sensations can be.

Some people even develop panic disorder alongside their phobia because the physical symptoms themselves become a source of fear.

What Causes Phobias?

Phobias can develop in several different ways, and understanding how yours developed can sometimes help in treatment:

Direct Experience

Sometimes a phobia develops after a frightening or traumatic experience with the feared object or situation. For example, developing a fear of dogs after being bitten, or a fear of flying after experiencing severe turbulence.

This makes evolutionary sense. Your brain encountered something dangerous, survived it, and is now extremely motivated to help you avoid that danger in the future.

Learned Behavior

You can also develop phobias by observing other people’s fearful responses.

Children who observe a parent responding with intense fear to spiders may adopt the same fear themselves, even if they have never had a negative encounter with spiders.

This is your brain’s way of learning about dangers in your environment without having to experience them directly. In evolutionary terms, this was adaptive. If you saw someone in your tribe get hurt by a certain animal, it made sense to develop fear of that animal yourself.

Informational Learning

Sometimes phobias develop after hearing frightening information about something. Learning about plane crashes might trigger a fear of flying, or hearing about someone’s bad experience with a medical procedure might create anxiety about similar situations.

In our modern world with constant access to news and information, this pathway to phobia development has become more common. We’re exposed to frightening scenarios that, statistically, we’ll never encounter, but our brains don’t always distinguish between realistic threats and unlikely worst-case scenarios.

Seemingly Out of Nowhere

Interestingly, some people develop phobias without any clear trigger or negative experience. This can feel confusing and frustrating because there’s no obvious reason why you should fear this particular thing.

This might relate to genetic factors, general anxiety levels, or associations your brain has made that aren’t consciously accessible to you.

How Phobias Impact Your Life

The real burden of a phobia isn’t just the fear itself, but all the ways it restricts your life and shapes your choices.

Avoidance Takes Over

Avoidance is the hallmark of phobias, and it can be incredibly limiting.

You might turn down job opportunities that require flying, avoid medical care because of needle phobia, miss important events because of social anxiety, or structure your entire daily routine around avoiding your feared situation.

Each act of avoidance might provide temporary relief, but it actually strengthens the phobia over time. Your brain learns that avoiding the situation makes the anxiety go away, which reinforces the idea that the situation is indeed dangerous.

Your World Gets Smaller

As avoidance patterns develop, your life can gradually become more restricted. You might stop doing things you once enjoyed, decline invitations, or pass up opportunities because they might involve encountering your phobic trigger.

This gradual shrinking of your world can happen so slowly that you might not even realize how much your phobia is costing you until you step back and look at the full picture.

Shame and Isolation

Many people with phobias feel embarrassed or ashamed about their fear, especially if it seems irrational or if others have minimized or mocked it.

You might avoid telling people about your phobia, make excuses for why you can’t do certain things, or feel isolated because others don’t understand what you’re experiencing.

This shame can prevent people from seeking help, which means they continue suffering unnecessarily when effective treatments are available.

Impact on Relationships

Phobias can strain relationships when partners, friends, or family members don’t understand why you can’t “just face your fear” or when your avoidance affects shared activities and plans.

You might feel guilty for limiting what you can do together, or resentful if others pressure you to confront situations you’re not ready for.

Secondary Mental Health Issues

Living with a phobia can contribute to other mental health challenges. Many people with phobias also experience depression, often related to the limitations their phobia creates in their life.

You might develop anticipatory anxiety, where you feel anxious not just when encountering your phobic trigger, but in the hours or days leading up to a situation where you might encounter it.

Some people develop panic disorder, where they begin fearing the panic symptoms themselves, even when the original phobic trigger isn’t present.

When Your Phobia Needs Professional Support

While some level of discomfort with certain situations is normal, there are signs that indicate you might benefit from professional help:

Your Daily Life is Significantly Impacted

If your phobia is preventing you from doing things that are important to you, limiting your career or educational opportunities, or requiring significant accommodation from others, that’s a sign that treatment could improve your quality of life.

You’re Avoiding Important Activities

If you’re skipping medical appointments because of medical phobias, turning down promotions that require travel, or missing important life events because of your fear, your phobia is costing you too much.

You’re Experiencing High Levels of Distress

If thinking about or anticipating your phobic trigger causes severe anxiety, if you’re having panic attacks, or if you’re spending significant time and mental energy trying to avoid the feared situation, professional support can help.

Your Phobia is Getting Worse

Phobias often get worse over time without treatment. If you notice your fear spreading to related situations, your avoidance increasing, or your anxiety becoming more intense, it’s a good time to seek help.

You’re Using Substances to Cope

If you find yourself drinking alcohol before flying, or using other substances to manage phobia-related anxiety, you need better coping strategies that don’t create additional problems.

Effective Treatment for Phobias

Here is the encouraging part: phobias are considered one of the most treatable mental health conditions. With appropriate treatment, many people see substantial improvement or a full resolution of their phobia.

Exposure-Based Therapies

For most phobias, the most well-established treatment approach is gradual, carefully guided exposure to the feared object or situation. This might sound terrifying, but it’s done in a careful, systematic way with a trained therapist.

Exposure therapy helps retrain the brain to recognize that the feared situation does not pose real danger. When you gradually confront your fear in a controlled setting and nothing bad happens, your amygdala begins to recalibrate its threat response.

This isn’t about forcing yourself to face your worst fear all at once. It’s about building up gradually, at a pace that feels manageable, with support and tools to help you through the process.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

CBT focuses on identifying and questioning the thought patterns that keep a phobia in place. You might believe that encountering your phobic trigger will lead to catastrophic consequences, and CBT helps you examine whether these beliefs are accurate and develop more realistic thinking patterns.

Somatic and Body-Based Approaches

Since phobic responses involve intense physical sensations, treatments that help you regulate your nervous system can be very effective.

This may involve breathing exercises, progressive muscle relaxation, or somatic approaches that support a new relationship with the physical sensations of anxiety.

Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART) and EMDR

For phobias that developed from specific traumatic experiences, therapies like ART and EMDR can be particularly helpful.

These approaches help process the traumatic memory so it no longer triggers such an intense fear response.

They are helpful when fear links to trauma or post-traumatic stress disorder.

Medication

While medication alone typically isn’t sufficient to resolve a phobia, it can sometimes be helpful as part of a comprehensive treatment plan, particularly for people with severe anxiety or panic symptoms.

You’re Not Weak or Broken

One of the most important points to understand is that having a phobia does not mean you are irrational or flawed. Phobias form because the brain is doing what it is designed to do, protect you from danger. The issue is that the threat detection system has become miscalibrated.

You can’t just “get over it” or “face your fear” without proper support and tools. Willpower alone isn’t enough to rewire your brain’s threat response system.

But with the right treatment approach, you can teach your brain that the feared situation is safe, and you can reclaim the parts of your life that your phobia has restricted.

Moving Forward

If you recognize yourself in this description of phobias, please know that effective help is available.

Treatment doesn’t mean being forced to confront your worst fears before you’re ready. It means working with someone who understands how phobias work and who can guide you through a gradual process of expanding your comfort zone at a pace that works for you.

You deserve to live a life that isn’t constrained by fear. You deserve to pursue opportunities, maintain relationships, and engage in activities without being held back by anxiety about specific situations or objects.

Your phobia is real, your distress is valid, and recovery is absolutely possible.

Therapy Approaches for Phobias

At Get Reconnected, we offer evidence-based treatment for phobias using effective modalities like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), exposure therapy, and Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART) to help you process fear responses and develop new associations with previously feared situations.

We also incorporate somatic practices and polyvagal-informed techniques to support nervous system regulation, reduce anxiety symptoms, and restore a sense of safety and competence. Living with a phobia can feel isolating and restrictive, and our goal is to help you gradually widen your world again.

We understand that living with a phobia can feel isolating and limiting, and we’re here to help you expand your world again.

Taking the Next Step

If you’re ready to address your phobia and start living with more freedom, you don’t have to do it alone.

At Get Reconnected Psychotherapy Services, we provide compassionate, evidence-based care specifically for individuals dealing with anxiety and phobias.

We understand how much courage it takes to seek help, and we’re here to support you through every step of the process.

Book a free 15-minute consultation to explore how therapy can help you overcome your phobia and reclaim your life.

 

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

Can phobias develop in adulthood, or do they only start in childhood?

Although many phobias begin in childhood, they can also emerge at any stage of life. Phobias that start in adulthood are common, particularly following traumatic events or during times of significant stress.

Is it possible to completely overcome a phobia?

Yes! Many people achieve complete resolution of their phobia with proper treatment. Others might still have some discomfort but can manage it effectively without significant life interference.

How long does treatment for phobias typically take?

This varies depending on the type and severity of the phobia, but many people see significant improvement within 8-12 sessions of focused treatment. Some specific phobias can be treated even more quickly.

Can I treat my phobia on my own, or do I need professional help?

While some people make progress with self-help strategies, phobias often require professional treatment because exposure work needs to be done carefully and systematically. A therapist can also provide the support and accountability that makes treatment more effective.

What if I have multiple phobias?

It’s common to have more than one phobia. Treatment typically focuses on one phobia at a time, though the skills you learn often transfer and make addressing additional phobias easier.

source https://getreconnected.ca/blog/phobia-meaning-symptoms-treatment/

Emotional Intelligence in Men: Why Do Men Struggle to Open Up?

From the time most boys can walk, they hear the same messages over and over again:

Toughen up. Don’t cry. Be strong. Handle it on your own.

These rules aren’t written anywhere, but every man knows them. They become part of emotional intelligence that is suppressed rather than developed.

It shows up in how fathers say “shake it off,” in how boys get teased for crying, and in how society rewards confidence but discourages vulnerability.

Over time, this messaging teaches men that emotions (especially sadness, fear, or vulnerability) are not safe to express.

You can feel angry, sure.

You can be stoic.

But feeling sadness?

Fear?

Feeling lost?

That would mean it shows weakness.

But what happens when all of that emotion doesn’t just disappear? What happens when stress, loneliness, or self-doubt build up with no place to go?

Those nights staring at the ceiling, feeling like something is missing but not knowing how to fix it.

It leads to irritability, snapping at people you care about, withdrawing, or numbing the feelings with work, alcohol, or other distractions.

When you push emotions aside, they don’t go away. It just makes them harder to deal with.

Men who lack awareness of their emotional states often struggle to manage their own emotions, leading to emotional responses that damage their relationships with women, children, and friends.

Men bottle them up, only for them to re-emerge through stress, anger, withdrawal, or numbing behaviours.

A man sits quietly with clasped hands, reflecting on difficult emotions. Image used by Get Reconnected Psychotherapy and Counselling Services. 

What Strength Really Looks Like

For generations, emotional suppression was mistaken for strength. If you talk about your feelings, you’re soft.

If you need help, you’re not a real man.

But burying emotions isn’t strength. It’s survival mode. And survival mode isn’t living.

Real strength isn’t about how much you can carry alone.

• It’s about knowing when to put something down.
• It’s about facing what you feel without shame.
• It’s about facing your emotions instead of running from them.
• It’s about knowing yourself well enough to handle life’s challenges with confidence instead of shutting down or lashing out.
• It’s about setting boundaries and asking for support.
• It’s about showing up for your partner, friends, and kids with emotional honesty.

Emotional intelligence for men isn’t some fluffy self-help concept. It’s the ability to recognize what’s happening inside you, put words to it, and handle it in a way that doesn’t weaken your relationships, your mental health, or your peace of mind.

It’s a skill for men that enables men to connect deeply, navigate human emotions, and create emotional intimacy within relationships.

It’s what allows you to be a better partner, a better friend, a better father, and of course someone who actually enjoys their life instead of just pushing through it.

How Do Emotionally Intelligent Men Think and Behave?

Emotionally intelligent men don’t:

• Explode without reflection
• Dismiss other’s emotions
• Avoid vulnerability out of fear

Instead, they:

• Pause before reacting.
• Recognize what they’re feeling and why.
• Set boundaries without exploding.
• Express their emotions with clarity.
• Empathize with other’s emotions.
• Understand emotional learning and strive to grow.

They aren’t perfect. But they are aware. And that awareness helps them grow.

“Real strength is not how much you can carry. It’s knowing when to put it down.” (Brene Brown)

A man playfully covers his eyes with happy and sad emoji icons. Image used by Get Reconnected Psychotherapy and Counselling Services.

Breaking the Habit of Bottling Things Up

If you’ve spent years or even decades keeping emotions at a distance, how do you even start shifting that?

Many men hesitate to talk about their emotions, not because they don’t feel them, but because they’ve been conditioned to believe vulnerability is a weakness.

In fact, research shows that men often struggle to open up in therapy or group settings because of societal norms that discourage emotional expression.

The expectation to ‘handle it alone’ becomes so ingrained that sharing emotions feels unnatural, even when it’s necessary.

But you don’t need to suddenly become someone who pours their heart out in every conversation. But you do need to start paying attention to what’s happening beneath the surface.

Here are three tips to start developing their emotional intelligence, especially if therapy feels off-limits.

1. Name What You Feel (Even If You Don’t Say It Out Loud)

It’s important to name what you feel, because what you resist, persists.

Next time you’re feeling off, take a second to name it. Not just “I’m fine” or “I’m just tired.” But really name it.

I’m feeling stressed, frustrated, lonely, overwhelmed.

Naming it from the get-go might be difficult, especially since you’re not used to it.

If that’s the case, print off the feelings wheel (see below) to help you name some feelings.

This step helps men regulate their emotions and gain a healthier emotional balance.

Try: “I’m feeling overwhelmed. I think it’s because I feel unsupported at work.”

Naming emotions reduces their power over you. Awareness brings choice.

One’s emotions become manageable when they’re known.

A colourful emotions wheel chart showing core and secondary feelings. Image used by Get Reconnected Psychotherapy and Counselling Services.

You might wonder why naming it will help you. Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung once said, “What we resist, persists.” That statement couldn’t be more true when it comes to emotions.

The more we try to push something away, such as anger, sadness or fear, the stronger it becomes in the background. It doesn’t just disappear…it festers.

That’s why awareness is so powerful. When you name what you’re feeling, it loses some of its grip. Instead of feeling an overwhelming sense of frustration or numbness, you can pinpoint what’s really going on:

Is it disappointment?

Is it grief over something you lost or never had?

Is it fear of failure?

Is it loneliness?

Once you name it, you can work with it instead of fighting it. Awareness turns emotions into something you can respond to, instead of something that controls you from the shadows.

2. Express Emotions in a Way That Fits You

Expressing your emotions doesn’t have to mean spilling your deepest feelings in a heart-to-heart conversation (though that can be helpful too). It can be as simple as:

Writing it down and getting the emotions out of your head and onto paper.

Talking to someone you trust and feel comfortable (a friend or a therapist) or even just saying it
out loud to yourself.

Using movement (exercise, boxing, running), basically any physical activity that can help release
emotions.

Another way to process emotions is through mindfulness. Practicing mindfulness helps you
become more aware of your thoughts and feelings without judgment, making it easier to manage
them instead of suppressing them.

If you’re new to mindfulness or want to learn more about its benefits, check out this guide on how mindfulness can help.

Mindfulness helps because it trains your mind to observe feelings instead of suppressing emotions. This emotional practice defines emotional intelligence in everyday action.

A man stands alone on a quiet beach with eyes closed, finding emotional calm. Image used by Get Reconnected Psychotherapy and Counselling Services. 

3. Know the Cost of Emotional Suppression

A lot of men think they are “handling it” when they keep emotions bottled up. But emotions that aren’t processed don’t stay buried. They show up in other ways:

Irritability and anger. Small things might set you off because you’re carrying so much under the surface.

Disconnection. You pull away from people, even those who care about you.

Self-medicating. You might use alcohol, work, or other distractions to avoid the emotions.

Health problems. You might have stress-related issues such as high blood pressure, tension headaches, and sleep problems.

Suppressing emotions isn’t coping, it’s actually delaying them. And when they come out later, it’s often in ways that are harder to control.

Men’s emotional health suffers when emotional repression becomes the norm.

Low emotional intelligence often correlates with avoidant behaviour.

Pushing feelings down isn’t strength. It’s avoidance. Emotional intelligence means processing those feelings before they control you.

Awareness is a first step in being better with our feelings. And the reason is because we cannot change something that we don’t know about.

How Can Men Develop Emotional Intelligence?

Drawing from MensGroup’s five EQ components:

• Self-awareness: Journal daily or reflect after conflicts.
• Self-regulation: Use breathwork or timeouts before reacting.
• Motivation: Focus on long-term relationship goals, not short-term ego wins.
• Empathy: Ask yourself what others might be feeling.
• Social skills: Practice active listening and use “I” statements.

Emotionally intelligent people often show empathy and a clear sense of emotional connection, and a strong ability to understand emotional needs.

Action vs. Expression: Both Are Valid

According to the Centre for Male Psychology, many men process emotions through doing, not talking. And that’s okay.

Men may find that action helps them regulate their emotions more effectively.

Fixing things, working out, or creating can be healthy outlets. Just don’t let action replace emotional awareness.

Emotional intelligence isn’t about how you express. It’s about knowing what you feel and honouring it.

Men can learn both action-based and reflective emotional skills.

What Partners Can Do to Support Men

If you’re in a relationship with a man who struggles to open up:

• Avoid shaming his silence. Stay curious, not critical.
• Ask open questions: “What are you feeling right now?”
• Celebrate small moments of vulnerability.
• Offer safe space, not solutions.

Many women don’t understand how deeply men struggle to deal with emotional openness due to stigma. Male partners need support, not pressure.

Remember, many men grew up believing their feelings were a burden. Reversing that conditioning takes time and patience.

Cultural + Generational Conditioning Matters

Older generations often equate emotion with weakness. In some cultures, men are taught to value stoicism above all.

This makes emotional growth harder … but not impossible.

Men understand their emotional responses are shaped by upbringing.

Highlighting this context helps men see that embracing emotional intelligence isn’t about “becoming someone else”.

It’s about becoming more emotionally aware and creating deeper emotional intimacy in a man’s life.

A man stands before drawn muscular arms, highlighting the contrast between strength and emotion. Image used by Get Reconnected Psychotherapy and Counselling Services. 

Common Myths About Men and Emotions

Myth	Fact
“Men who don’t cry lack emotional intelligence.”	EQ is not about crying — it’s about recognizing, understanding, and managing their emotions.
“Talking is the only way to process feelings.”	Many men use action (e.g., exercise, fixing things) as valid emotional processing tools.
“Men are less emotional than women.”	Men feel deeply but are taught to hide it.
“Expressing emotions makes you weak.”	Vulnerability builds trust, emotional connection, and leadership.
“You either have EQ or you don’t.”	Everyone can develop their emotional intelligence over time. Emotional intelligence is learned and practiced.

Final Thought: Emotional Intelligence = Freedom

Whatever it looks like, the goal isn’t to become a different person. It’s to become more yourself without the weight of everything you’ve been carrying alone.

Emotional intelligence doesn’t make you soft. It makes you self-aware, resilient, and free. And if that’s not real strength, what is?

You don’t have to carry everything alone. You just have to start paying attention.

Because real strength isn’t in your silence. It’s in your ability to feel, heal, and connect.

Support at Get Reconnected

If you’re a man who has spent years holding everything together on the outside while feeling overwhelmed on the inside, you don’t have to figure this out alone.

At Get Reconnected Psychotherapy Services, we support men who want to understand their emotional world, build healthier relationships, and break free from the pressure to stay silent. Therapy offers a private, judgment-free space to explore what you feel, why you feel it, and how to respond with clarity instead of shutdown or anger.

Reach Out for Support

If something in your life doesn’t feel right, or you’re tired of keeping everything inside, reach out.

We offer free consultations so you can get a sense of what support might look like and whether it feels like the right fit.

You deserve space to breathe, reflect, and grow at your own pace.

Related Resources

• Insights on Mindfulness
• Insights on Emotions
• Neurobiology of Trauma
• Trauma 101: Understanding the Basics
• Anxiety Therapy in Toronto

FAQs

How does a man show emotional intelligence?

A man shows emotional intelligence by recognizing his emotions, managing them calmly, empathizing with others, and communicating clearly — especially during conflict. He responds rather than reacts and stays grounded under pressure.

Do men struggle with emotional intelligence?

Many men struggle with emotional intelligence due to cultural conditioning that discourages emotional expression. However, EQ is a learnable skill — men can develop it through reflection, safe relationships, and intentional practice.

Why do men hide their emotions?

Men often hide emotions because of cultural norms that equate vulnerability with weakness. From a young age, many are taught to suppress feelings like fear or sadness to appear “strong” or “masculine.”

Can a man be sensitive and strong?

Absolutely. Sensitivity is not the opposite of strength — it’s a form of emotional depth. Emotionally intelligent men often balance compassion with confidence, showing strength through authenticity.

What are signs of an emotionally intelligent man?

Signs include:

Expressing emotions clearly but calmly

Taking responsibility during conflict

Listening deeply without defensiveness

Setting healthy boundaries

Showing empathy and self-awareness

A liter version of this blog appeared as an interview with Delia on Style My Shoul blog.

source https://getreconnected.ca/blog/emotional-intelligence-in-men/