Have you ever said yes when you really meant no?
Maybe you agreed to take on one more thing, even though your plate was already overflowing. Or you stayed quiet during a conversation because you didn’t want to rock the boat, even though something didn’t feel right. Maybe you smiled, nodded, and played along, while a little voice inside whispered ‘This isn’t what I want.’
That inner tug-of-war? That’s what people pleasing often feels like.
It’s not just about being kind or helpful. It’s about feeling the need to keep the peace, avoid conflict, or live up to who we think others expect us to be—even if it means putting ourselves last. From the outside, it might seem like everything’s fine, but on the inside, it can be exhausting.
In this month’s newsletter, we want to address and unpack what people pleasing really is, where it starts, how it shows up in our lives and relationships, and why it’s so hard to stop—even when we know it’s not serving us.
7 Signs You’re a People Pleaser
Earlier this month, we wrote a blog on the 7 common signs of people pleasing.
People pleasing doesn’t always look the way we expect. Sometimes it’s subtle—like saying “it’s fine” when it really isn’t, apologizing for things that aren’t your fault, or struggling to make a decision when someone else might be affected.
Here are seven signs that may point to people-pleasing tendencies:
- Struggling to say no, even when you’re exhausted
- Feeling responsible for others’ emotions
- Constantly scanning for how others might react
- Trying to avoid conflict at all costs
- Being afraid of being seen as selfish
- Apologizing excessively
- Feeling guilty to prioritize yourself
These behaviours often originate from early experiences where keeping others happy helped us feel safe, loved, or accepted.
Why is This Important?
People pleasing isn’t just a habit—it’s something many of us learn early on. But over time, constantly putting others first can take a toll. It can leave you feeling emotionally drained, quietly resentful, or unsure of who you really are outside of everyone else’s needs.
The good news? Noticing these patterns is the first step. When you start to recognize what’s going on, you can begin to shift things one small choice at a time.
Gabor Maté on Why We People Please
In this interview on Let it Be Easy with Susie Moore, Dr. Gabor Maté talks about something many of us can relate to: doing things for others at the expense of ourselves. He explains that this tendency often starts when we’re young—especially if we felt we had to be “good” or easygoing to be accepted or avoid conflict. The more we do it, the more it becomes a pattern.
Dr. Maté encourages us to get curious about our behaviour. Ask yourself: I wonder why I did that? What was my fear? Of being myself? He suggests that when faced with the choice, choose guilt over resentment—because guilt means you’ve honored yourself, even if it feels uncomfortable.
Why is this important?
Because it helps us stop blaming ourselves for always saying yes, avoiding hard conversations, or keeping the peace at our own expense. When we understand why we do it, we can start being kinder to ourselves and begin choosing honesty and self-respect over automatic approval. It’s not easy, but it’s how we start coming back to ourselves.
Final Thoughts
Was there a moment today when you wanted to say no but said yes instead? Try to notice it, not with judgment but with curiosity.
Ask yourself: What was I afraid might happen if I said what I really felt?
That kind of noticing matters. And here’s the deeper truth: the part of you that recognizes you’re not being fully yourself—that’s your authentic self.
Every time you notice a moment like that, you’re already reconnecting with it. Little by little, this awareness helps you come back to who you really are.
At Get Reconnected, we create space for exactly that kind of reflection. Therapy isn’t about fixing—it’s about getting curious about yourself. If people pleasing has been a hard pattern to break on your own, our People Pleasing Therapy Page shares more about how we can help. You’ll find a place to explore your needs, understand your boundaries, and learn to prioritize yourself without guilt.
Let’s notice what’s coming up for you. Book a free 15-minute consultation.
source https://getreconnected.ca/march-2025-get-reconnected-newsletter-insights-on-people-pleasing/
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