Anxious Attachment: How To Recognize Patterns of Emotional Dependency

Have you ever felt like you’re invested in your relationships, and you’re constantly wondering if the people you care about really care about you in return? 

Maybe you’ve felt anxious when someone pulls away or find yourself overthinking small changes in someone’s tone or when they text you. 

If that sounds familiar, you might be experiencing something known as anxious attachment, a form of insecure attachment that can influence your adult relationships.

 

Attachment Theory

Attachment theory was introduced by psychologist John Bowlby, and it helps to explain how our early caregiving shapes the way we form human relationships as adults.  Your attachment style in childhood often influences how you navigate closeness, intimacy, and connection in adulthood. 

When those early bonds are inconsistent, overly protective, or emotionally distant, we might develop an insecure attachment style, craving closeness but fearing rejection or abandonment. 

So, what does it mean to have an anxious attachment style, and how can you recognize the patterns that contribute to emotional dependency in a relationship?

In this blog, we explore what anxious attachment really means, where it comes from, and how it shows up in romantic relationships.

 

What is Anxious Attachment?

Anxious attachment, also called preoccupied attachment or anxious-ambivalent attachment, is one type of attachment that can form when emotional needs weren’t consistently met in childhood.

Maybe your caregiver was loving one moment and distant the next or they were physically there but emotionally unavailable. This can help develop attachment anxiety and create attachment issues later in life. 

When this happens, it can leave us with a lingering fear of abandonment or a belief that we’re not quite “enough” on our own. So, we may depend heavily on our partner’s love and commitment for emotional stability. 

This doesn’t mean you’re “too much.” It means your attachment style may have been shaped by early attachment trauma.

But the good news is that these patterns aren’t permanent. You can overcome anxious attachment style patterns and begin to develop a secure attachment style with awareness and support.

 

Causes of Anxious Attachment

Unpacking the why behind our insecure attachment style isn’t about blaming the past, it’s about understanding how it shaped the present.

When we identify the roots of anxious attachment, we give ourselves permission to rewrite the story.

We can begin to soothe the fear of abandonment, build self-trust, and develop more secure, balanced relationships.

So, what can cause an attachment insecurity?

 

Inconsistent Parenting

The “sometimes yes, sometimes no” dynamic can create unpredictable behaviour in relationships later in life. 

 One of the most common roots of anxious attachment is inconsistent caregiving.

If your parents/caregivers were warm and attentive one day, but distant or unavailable the next, you may have learned that love isn’t stable, it’s something you have to work hard to earn.

 This unpredictability teaches children that relationships are a guessing game. As adults, this can translate into overthinking, people-pleasing, or clinging to partners out of fear of being left behind.

What might it sound like today?

“If they don’t reply right away, did I do something wrong?”

 

Emotional Unavailability

Present, but not really there.

 Maybe your parents/caregivers were physically around but emotionally not really there.

If your feelings were brushed aside or if you constantly felt unseen, you might have learned to suppress your emotions… or to seek validation elsewhere.

 As an adult, you may feel that your worth depends on your partner’s love and commitment, which can affect your ability to form healthy relationships. 

 What it might feel like:
“If I’m not needed or noticed, do I still matter?”

 

Overprotective Parenting 

When love feels like a safety bubble.

While it may sound comforting, being overly protected can make it difficult to trust yourself.

If you weren’t given the space to make your own decisions or learn from your mistakes, you might now struggle with self-doubt and a need for external validation.

 What it might look like:
You second-guess your choices and look to others for approval before taking action. This is a hallmark of individuals with an anxious attachment. 

 

Trauma or Loss 

When your sense of safety is shaken early on.

Early trauma, neglect, or loss can deeply disrupt your sense of safety, laying the foundation for attachment trauma and attachment anxiety.

These experiences can imprint the belief that connection is fragile, or worse, unsafe.

As adults, we may develop a fear of being left, which leads to clinging, hypervigilance, or feeling emotionally overwhelmed in close relationships.

What it might trigger:
“If I let my guard down, I’ll get hurt again.”

 

Parental Anxiety

You felt it… even if they never said it.

Children are emotional sponges. If a caregiver was highly anxious, especially in relationships, you may have absorbed their fears, learning that love comes with worry, unpredictability, or the need to control outcomes.

You may now mirror these patterns: overthinking, catastrophizing, or needing constant reassurance in romantic relationships to feel secure.

What it might sound like in your head:
“If they pull away even a little, it must mean something’s wrong.”

 

Genetic Sensitivity

Some of us are wired to feel more deeply.

It’s not all nurture … but nature plays a part too.

Some people are genetically predisposed to emotional sensitivity or anxiety. This doesn’t mean anxious attachment is inevitable, but it does mean certain individuals may be more vulnerable to developing it in the face of inconsistent caregiving or early emotional wounds.

While attachment styles don’t come down to genes alone, nature can influence how you respond to early relationships.

 

Signs of Anxious Attachment Style

If your early experiences were filled with emotional unpredictability, your nervous system may have learned to stay on high alert. 

Maybe a parent was sometimes warm and loving but other times distant or unavailable. Over time, this teaches the brain to stay on high alert for signs of rejection or emotional loss.

These survival patterns can carry into adult attachment, and influence how you think, feel, and connect with others. 

Here are some signs that suggest an anxious attachment style may be present:

 

Constant Need for Reassurance

Do you ever find yourself needing to hear “I care about you” or “We’re good!” more often than others?

Maybe you reread messages, replay conversations, or check in with friends or partners to make sure everything is okay.

This is common in people with an anxious attachment.

 

Fear of Rejection

Even when things seem fine, there’s a lingering fear that people might leave. A small change in tone, a delayed response, or a canceled plan can feel like a sign that something’s wrong.

This fear can make it hard to relax in relationships, because part of you is always on guard. 

Adults with an anxious attachment often interpret neutral events as potential rejection or abandonment.

 

Overthinking Everything 

Replaying conversations and analyzing every message is common. These are patterns individuals with an anxious attachment may use to predict and prevent loss.  

For someone with anxious attachment, even tiny cues can feel huge. Overthinking can feel like a way to prevent pain, but most often, it just keeps you stuck in anxiety.

 

Emotional Highs and Lows

Relationships can feel like a rollercoaster. When things are good, they feel amazing. But if there’s even a small moment of emotional distance, it can feel devastating. This cycle can be exhausting and leave you drained and even burnt out and unsure how to find steady ground.

 

Jealousy or Possessiveness 

You might feel uncomfortable when someone you care about gives attention to others.

Maybe you worry they’ll replace you or that your bond isn’t strong enough.

These feelings don’t come from a lack of love… but from a fear of losing the connection that means so much to you.

 

Clinginess or Overdependence 

When a loved one is distant, even for a short time, it might feel overwhelming or triggering.

You might try to hold on tighter, texting or checking in more, just to feel close again.

It’s not about trying to control the other person, but about trying to soothe your own anxiety.

You may hold on tightly when someone pulls away, not to control, but to avoid feeling abandoned. This can make it hard to build secure attachment styles.

 

Struggling with Boundaries 

 Boundaries can feel confusing when your nervous system equates space with abandonment.

You might

• Avoid setting boundaries for fear of rejection
• Feel hurt when others need space 
• Crave closeness but feel uneasy once you get it  

 

Difficulty Calming Yourself Without Reassurance 

Without outside reassurance, regulating emotions may feel nearly impossible. This is typical for those with an insecure attachment style.

You might feel lost, anxious, or empty, and need others to feel calm again.

 

Recognizing Anxious Attachment in Relationships

Even when things seem fine, people with an anxious attachment may feel like they’re waiting for the other shoe to drop. A tone shift or shorter text can trigger spirals of worry.

These feelings often trace back to childhood, where love felt conditional or inconsistent.

But here’s what’s important to remember:

• You’re not broken. Your brain adapted to survive 
• These patterns made sense once. 

·  You can deal with them and begin forming more life-enriching relationships.

 

Anxious Attachment Triggers

Emotional dependency can feel like needing others to “fill you up” emotionally. If you have an anxious attachment style, you might rely on others for validation, reassurance, or a sense of worth, not because you’re needy, but because somewhere along the way, that felt like the only way to feel safe.

 

Key Takeaways

Anxious attachment isn’t a choice … it’s something shaped by your earliest experiences. But healing is always possible. The more you learn to trust yourself, the less you’ll feel the need for constant reassurance from others to feel safe.

Your attachment style doesn’t define your future. 

It takes time, patience, and practice. But little by little, you can overcome anxious attachment style patterns and build fulfilling relationships. 

 

At Get Reconnected Psychotherapy Services, we help people who struggle with anxious attachment feel more secure in their relationships. If you find yourself overthinking, needing constant reassurance, or feeling like your emotions depend on how others treat you, reach out to us.

 

Therapy can help you understand where these patterns come from and, more importantly, how to change them. You don’t have to feel stuck in cycles of worry, fear, or emotional ups and downs.

 

Book a free 15-minute consultation with us.

 

FAQs About Anxious Attachment

 

1. Why do I feel like I’m too much in relationships?

Feeling like you’re too much is a common experience with anxious attachment.

This belief often comes from early relationships where your emotional needs were minimized or inconsistently met.

Over time, you may have learned that expressing your needs leads to rejection or disconnection.

Therapy can help you unlearn this narrative and begin to see your needs as valid rather than excessive.

 

2.  Why do I panic when someone pulls away even a little?

If you’re anxiously attached, you might fear abandonment. Small changes in someone’s tone or how quickly they reply can feel like a threat. Your nervous system may interpret emotional distance as danger, triggering a fight or flight response. 

These reactions are not personal flaws, they are learned patterns aimed at maintaining closeness and safety. Therapy can help your body and mind feel more grounded, even when others are less emotionally available.

 

3.  How does anxious attachment impact my self-esteem?

When your self-worth becomes dependent on other’s reactions, you may experience low self-esteem. Learning to self-validate is key to building secure relationships.

 

4.  What does emotional reactivity have to do with attachment?

Emotional reactivity is a common sign of anxious attachment or fearful-avoidant attachment. You may feel big emotions quickly when connection feels uncertain.

 

5.  How can I start trusting myself more in relationships?

 If you’ve spent years monitoring others’ needs or moods, it can be hard to hear your own voice.

Trusting yourself begins with tuning into your feelings before looking outside yourself for reassurance.

Therapy can help you reconnect with your values, practice self-affirmation, and set boundaries so that you feel more steady and confident within.

 

6.  Can anxious attachment improve without a partner?

Yes it can. You don’t need to be in a relationship to work on your attachment style. In fact, many people make deep progress through therapy, supportive friendships, journaling, or mindfulness. Building a strong connection with yourself creates the foundation for security in all relationships.

 

7.  What if I know I have anxious attachment but keep repeating the same patterns?

Awareness is a powerful beginning, but real change takes time, practice, and patience. Many clients feel discouraged that they still repeat old patterns even when they understand them. This is because attachment lives not just in the mind but in the body and nervous system. In therapy, we work with both insight and the body to help you experience new kinds of safety and connection.

 

8.  How can therapy at Get Reconnected Psychotherapy Services support me?

We specialize in helping clients work through attachment wounds, relationship anxiety, and challenges with self-trust. Our approach is trauma-informed and culturally sensitive, with a focus on emotional safety. Whether you are navigating a current relationship or working through old patterns, we are here to support you in building more secure and compassionate ways of connecting.

 

9.  Do you offer in-person and virtual therapy sessions?

Yes! We offer virtual psychotherapy services across Ontario through a secure platform called Jane App. We also offer in-person sessions in downtown Toronto, Ontario.

 

10.   How do I book a session at Get Reconnected Psychotherapy Services?

You can book a free consultation here or through our website, Get Reconnected Psychotherapy Services, or contact us via email.

During the consultation, we’ll discuss your needs, answer any questions, and determine if we’re the right fit for you.

source https://getreconnected.ca/anxious-attachment-style-therapy/

March 2025 Get Reconnected Newsletter – Insights on People Pleasing

Have you ever said yes when you really meant no?

Maybe you agreed to take on one more thing, even though your plate was already overflowing. Or you stayed quiet during a conversation because you didn’t want to rock the boat, even though something didn’t feel right. Maybe you smiled, nodded, and played along, while a little voice inside whispered ‘This isn’t what I want.’

That inner tug-of-war? That’s what people pleasing often feels like.

It’s not just about being kind or helpful. It’s about feeling the need to keep the peace, avoid conflict, or live up to who we think others expect us to be—even if it means putting ourselves last. From the outside, it might seem like everything’s fine, but on the inside, it can be exhausting.

In this month’s newsletter, we want to address and unpack what people pleasing really is, where it starts, how it shows up in our lives and relationships, and why it’s so hard to stop—even when we know it’s not serving us.

7 Signs You’re a People Pleaser

Earlier this month, we wrote a blog on the 7 common signs of people pleasing.

People pleasing doesn’t always look the way we expect. Sometimes it’s subtle—like saying “it’s fine” when it really isn’t, apologizing for things that aren’t your fault, or struggling to make a decision when someone else might be affected.

Here are seven signs that may point to people-pleasing tendencies:

• Struggling to say no, even when you’re exhausted
• Feeling responsible for others’ emotions
• Constantly scanning for how others might react
• Trying to avoid conflict at all costs
• Being afraid of being seen as selfish
• Apologizing excessively
• Feeling guilty to prioritize yourself

These behaviours often originate from early experiences where keeping others happy helped us feel safe, loved, or accepted.

Why is This Important?

People pleasing isn’t just a habit—it’s something many of us learn early on. But over time, constantly putting others first can take a toll. It can leave you feeling emotionally drained, quietly resentful, or unsure of who you really are outside of everyone else’s needs.

The good news? Noticing these patterns is the first step. When you start to recognize what’s going on, you can begin to shift things one small choice at a time.

Read the full blog here

Gabor Maté on Why We People Please

In this interview on Let it Be Easy with Susie Moore, Dr. Gabor Maté talks about something many of us can relate to: doing things for others at the expense of ourselves. He explains that this tendency often starts when we’re young—especially if we felt we had to be “good” or easygoing to be accepted or avoid conflict. The more we do it, the more it becomes a pattern.

Dr. Maté encourages us to get curious about our behaviour. Ask yourself: I wonder why I did that? What was my fear? Of being myself? He suggests that when faced with the choice, choose guilt over resentment—because guilt means you’ve honored yourself, even if it feels uncomfortable.

Why is this important?

Because it helps us stop blaming ourselves for always saying yes, avoiding hard conversations, or keeping the peace at our own expense. When we understand why we do it, we can start being kinder to ourselves and begin choosing honesty and self-respect over automatic approval. It’s not easy, but it’s how we start coming back to ourselves.

Watch Episode Here

Final Thoughts

Was there a moment today when you wanted to say no but said yes instead? Try to notice it, not with judgment but with curiosity.

Ask yourself: What was I afraid might happen if I said what I really felt?

That kind of noticing matters. And here’s the deeper truth: the part of you that recognizes you’re not being fully yourself—that’s your authentic self.

Every time you notice a moment like that, you’re already reconnecting with it. Little by little, this awareness helps you come back to who you really are.

At Get Reconnected, we create space for exactly that kind of reflection. Therapy isn’t about fixing—it’s about getting curious about yourself. If people pleasing has been a hard pattern to break on your own, our People Pleasing Therapy Page shares more about how we can help. You’ll find a place to explore your needs, understand your boundaries, and learn to prioritize yourself without guilt.

Let’s notice what’s coming up for you. Book a free 15-minute consultation.

source https://getreconnected.ca/march-2025-get-reconnected-newsletter-insights-on-people-pleasing/

The Neurobiology of Trauma: How Trauma Changes the Brain

Trauma isn’t just something you remember. It’s something your brain holds onto.

You’ve probably wondered why certain sensations or memories feel stuck in your mind.

• Why does your heart suddenly race when something reminds you of the past?
• Why do certain memories feel jumbled or out of order?
• Why is it so hard to just let go and move on?

This is because of how traumatic events change the brain.

When you go through something extremely stressful or frightening, your brain reorganizes itself to protect you.

Some parts go into overdrive and make you more alert to danger, while others slow down and make it harder to think clearly or remember details.

This is by no means a weakness or your inability to cope… it’s just the way your brain does its job to keep you safe.

If you’re curious what happens when we experience an overwhelming situation or something terrifying, you’re in the right place.

Continue reading and you’ll find out what’s really happening when you experience trauma.

The Brain’s Response to Trauma – A Neurobiological Perspective

Trauma physically changes how the brain works.

According to trauma expert Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, these changes happen in three major ways:

 

The Brain Becomes Overly Sensitive To Danger

After a traumatic event, the brain sees threats everywhere, even when there’s no real danger.

This happens in the survival part of the brain that reacts automatically and not in the thinking part that helps you assess situations logically.

 

The Brain Struggles To Filter Out Unimportant Information

Normally, your brain helps you focus on what matters and inhibit things that don’t.

After trauma, this system malfunctions and makes it hard to ignore small details that feel important but aren’t actually a threat.

This can make ordinary situations feel overwhelming.

 

The Connection To Your Own Body Becomes Weaker

Trauma can numb the brain’s ability to recognize what’s happening inside your body.

This is a protective mechanism. When terrifying things happen, physical sensations such as a racing heart or tight chest can be intense.

To protect you, the brain turns down those signals and makes it harder to feel emotions or bodily sensations.

This dissociation is a common effect of trauma.

Research has shown that trauma doesn’t just leave emotional scars but it physically changes brain structure and function, particularly in areas like the amygdala, hippocampus, and prefrontal cortex.

These changes help explain why after a traumatic experience we may experience hypervigilance, memory issues, and difficulty regulating emotions.

Three key areas are impacted:

1. Amygdala (fear center)
2. Hippocampus (memory organizer)
3. Prefrontal cortex (decision-maker and emotional regulator)

 

1.  The Amygdala – The Brain’s Alarm System

The amygdala is a small, almond-shaped structure inside our brains. Basically, the word “amygdala” comes from the Latin word for “almond” because of its shape.

Even though it is a tiny structure, it plays a huge role in processing emotions, especially fear and survival instincts. It’s like the brain’s watchdog or alarm system. It is always scanning for danger and deciding when to sound the alarm.

Before a traumatic experience, your brain responds to danger in a balanced way. If you hear a loud car horn, you might feel startled for a moment, but your brain quickly realizes everything is fine, and you calm down.

But after a traumatic event, the brain’s alarm system (amygdala) gets stuck in high alert. It starts reacting to everyday things (loud noises, sudden movements, or certain smells) as if they are serious threats. Those everyday situations end up triggering a panic response.

Even in completely safe situations, the body feels like it is in danger. This fight or flight response becomes easily triggered.

Why does it feel so real? Because your amygdala isn’t logical. It doesn’t ask if something is dangerous, it just reacts. It reacts as if the threat is still happening, and this is based on what it remembers.

 

2.   The Hippocampus – When Memories Don’t Feel Like the Past

The hippocampus is the brain’s memory organizer. It helps distinguish between past and present and ensures memories are stored in an orderly way.

Before a traumatic experience, the hippocampus helps process memories logically, so past events feel like they happened in the past.

But after a traumatic event, the hippocampus shrinks and becomes less effective. Instead of neatly storing traumatic memories, it scrambles them. This leads to

• Intrusive memories (flashbacks)
• Time distortions (feeling like the trauma is happening now)
• Gaps in memory (trouble recalling details or remembering events clearly)

Because the hippocampus isn’t processing trauma as a past event, it can feel like it’s still happening, even if it occurred years ago.

For instance, someone who survived a violent situation might react as though they are in danger when they see someone who looks like their past aggressor, even if they are in a completely safe environment.

The brain hasn’t filled the memory correctly, so it feels present instead of past.

 

3.   The Prefrontal Cortex – When Logic and Emotion Fall Out of Balance

The prefrontal cortex is the brain’s control center. It helps with:

• Thinking rationally, planning
• Managing your feelings
• Making decisions

Before a traumatic experience, the prefrontal cortex helps you stay calm, think clearly, and make logical decisions. It keeps emotions balanced and helps you respond rather than react.

But after a traumatic event, this part becomes less active and makes it difficult to manage feelings, think through decisions or override fear-based reactions.

This is why someone might know they are safe but still feel unsafe. The brain isn’t sending strong enough signals to quiet the fear response.

For instance, someone who experienced childhood abuse or neglect may struggle to trust others, even in healthy relationships.

Even when they recognize they are loved, their brain still expects rejection because the part responsible for calming those fears isn’t working as well as it should.

 

Why Trauma Feels So Inescapable

Trauma changes how the brain processes the world.

It doesn’t just affect emotions but it also physically rewires the brain and makes it respond differently to daily situations.

The limbic system and fear circuitry become overactive, while areas that mediate rational thought show decreased activity.

This is why people who have been through a trauma exposure may experience:

• Hypervigilance – feeling constantly on edge, always scanning for danger, even when everything is fine.
• Emotional dysregulation – struggle to manage emotions, with feelings that feel too intense or unpredictable.
• Memory difficulties – including flashbacks or trouble recalling events clearly.
• Feeling disconnected from the present – feeling as if they are detached from the present moment.

These reactions have nothing to do with being weak or having a personality flaw. They are the brain’s way of trying to protect itself after a distressing experience.

In the midst of trauma, people may experience a “deer in the headlight” response, where they freeze completely (another survival mechanism).

Research shows that trauma physically changes key areas of the brain, including the amygdala, hippocampus, and prefrontal cortex. These changes affect how we process fear, store memories, and regulate emotions, which is why trauma can feel so inescapable.

 

The Brain Can Adapt Again

The brain doesn’t stay stuck forever. Just as trauma rewires it for survival, it can also rewire itself to heal.

That’s called neuroplasticity. The brain is built to adapt, rebuild and recover. Treatment of trauma focuses on this capacity for change.

Here’s what we know about recovery

• Therapy Helps Rebuild Pathways and Reconsolidate Memories
• Trauma-informed therapy can help process traumatic memories so they don’t feel like active threats.

Here are some therapy approaches that address the neurobiological consequences of trauma:

Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART)

Uses guided visualization and rapid eye movements to help process traumatic memories in a way that reduces emotional distress.

Polyvagal Theory in Therapy

This approach helps calm the nervous system by recognizing how the body reacts to stress.

Somatic Therapy

Somatic therapy uses techniques like deep breathing, gentle movement, and touch to help release trauma that the body holds onto.

Eye Movement and Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)

Uses guided eye movements or other forms of bilateral stimulation to help process traumatic memories in a way that makes them feel less intense over time.

Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT)

Helps you recognize and shift negative thoughts about your trauma so you can see things in a new way and feel less overwhelmed by them.

 

Key Takeaways

Trauma doesn’t just affect emotions…it reshapes the brain in ways that can impact memory, emotional regulation, and a sense of safety.

If you’ve struggled with response to stress, it’s not because you’re weak or broken.

Your brain adapted to survive.

Exposure to trauma, especially early life trauma, can significantly alter brain development and even affect gene expression.

But good news! Your brain is also wired for healing.

With the right support, it can learn to feel safe again.

Emotional trauma and post-traumatic stress disorder are not permanent states, they are conditions that can be addressed with proper care and understanding.

 

Trauma FAQs

1. Are trauma anniversaries real?

Yes, they are. Trauma anniversaries happen when a certain date, season, or event reminds your brain of something painful from the past. Even if you’re not thinking about it consciously, your body and emotions might react. You might be feeling anxious, unsettled, or emotional around the same time each year. This is because the brain holds onto the memory in a way that makes it feel like it’s happening again.

 

2. Can trauma cause ADHD?

Trauma doesn’t directly cause ADHD, but it can create symptoms that look a lot like it. After trauma, the brain stays in high alert, making it harder to focus, sit still, or manage emotions.

Some people who experience childhood trauma develop patterns of distractibility, impulsivity, and restlessness, which can sometimes be mistaken for ADHD.

That said, ADHD is a neurodevelopmental condition, and while trauma can make symptoms worse, they aren’t the same thing.

 

3. Can trauma cause memory loss?

Yes. Trauma can affect your memory in different ways. Some people have gaps in their memory or can’t remember details of what happened. Others have memories that feel scattered or out of order. This happens because trauma affects the hippocampus, the part of the brain that organizes and stores memories.

Some people may experience dissociative amnesia, where the brain blocks out distressing memories as a defense mechanism.

 

4. What trauma causes BPD?

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is often linked to early-life trauma, such as childhood neglect, emotional abuse, or an unstable caregiving environment. While not everyone who experiences trauma develops BPD, research shows that a history of chronic emotional distress, abandonment, or attachment disruptions can contribute to the development of BPD symptoms.

 

5. When is trauma triggered?

A trigger is anything that reminds your brain of a past traumatic experience, even if you don’t realize the connection right away. It could be a smell, a sound, a place, or even a certain feeling.

When a trigger happens, the brain reacts as if the trauma is happening right now, which can cause intense emotions, panic, or flashbacks.

 

6. When does trauma become your identity?

After experiencing trauma, it can start to feel like it defines who you are. You might see yourself only through the lens of what happened, thinking, “I’m broken,” or “I’ll never be the same.”

This happens because trauma reshapes how the brain sees safety, relationships, and self-worth.

Healing involves rebuilding a sense of identity beyond the trauma, so it becomes something you lived through, not something that defines you.

 

7. Why is trauma-informed care important?

Trauma-informed care means understanding how trauma affects the brain and body so that people can get support in a way that feels safe and doesn’t make things worse.

It’s about working with therapists, doctors, or teachers who recognize that certain behaviors (like shutting down or overreacting) might be linked to past trauma, not just bad choices or personality traits.

This kind of care helps people heal without re-triggering their trauma.

 

8. Will trauma ever go away?

The effects of trauma don’t just disappear, but they can become much more manageable over time.

The brain has a built-in ability to change and heal, which means the intensity of trauma reactions can fade with the right support, therapy, and life experiences.

Trauma may always be part of your story, but it doesn’t have to control your life.

 

FAQs About Get Reconnected Psychotherapy Services

1. What types of therapy do you offer?

We offer individual therapy for a variety of concerns, including anxiety, depression, self-esteem, people-pleasing, burnout, ADHD, phobias, trauma and PTSD, fertility-related mental health. We also offer couples counselling and select group workshops.

 

2. Do you specialize in trauma therapy?

Yes, we offer trauma-informed therapy, including Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART), somatic-based therapy, and cognitive-based approaches, to help clients process and heal from traumatic experiences.

 

3. What approaches do you use in therapy?

We use a range of evidence-based approaches tailored to your needs, including:

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
• Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT)
• Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART)
• Somatic Therapy
• Mindfulness-Based Interventions (MBI)
• Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for couples
• Gottman Method for relationship therapy

 

4. What’s the difference between psychotherapy and counseling?

Psychotherapy focuses on deep emotional work to help process past experiences, learn healthier coping strategies that lead to long-term changes.

Counselling is often more short-term and solution-focused where you address specific issues or life challenges. Both approaches can be beneficial, depending on your needs.

 

5. How do I know if therapy is right for me?

Therapy can help if you’re feeling overwhelmed, stuck, or struggling with emotions, relationships, or life transitions.

If you’re unsure, scheduling a free consultation can help determine if therapy is a good fit.

 

6. Do you offer virtual therapy sessions?

Yes! We provide virtual psychotherapy across Ontario through a platform called Jane App.

 

7. How do I book a session?

You can book a free consultation through our website, Get Reconnected Psychotherapy Services, or contact us via email.

During the consultation, we’ll discuss your needs, answer any questions, and determine if we’re the right fit for you.

 

source https://getreconnected.ca/the-neurobiology-of-trauma/

Secondary Infertility Counselling in Toronto

What happens when you are struggling to conceive a second time around?

You thought having another child would be easy. You pictured siblings growing up together, but now each month brings another negative test. 

Maybe you’ve had a miscarriage. Maybe doctors can’t explain what’s wrong. Maybe friends and family don’t understand why you’re upset because you ‘already have a child.’

The truth is, experiencing infertility after a previous pregnancy can be just as painful as primary infertility. You might feel lost, overwhelmed, or guilty for wanting another child, frustrated with your body, or heartbroken. 

If this sounds familiar, we’re here to support you.

 

What is Secondary Infertility?

Secondary infertility is defined as when you have difficulty getting pregnant or carrying a pregnancy to term after having one or more children naturally. 

It can feel confusing and isolating, especially when people around you assume you should be able to conceive again without a problem.

 

 

Why am I so angry about infertility?

Anger is often covering up something deeper…like hurt, fear, or helplessness. You might feel angry at your body, at doctors, at people who seem to get pregnant without trying. That anger is valid. It’s part of grief.

 

Common Causes of Secondary Infertility

Fertility changes over time. Even if nothing was wrong the first time, new challenges can arise.

Some common causes of secondary infertility include: 

• Age-related changes (lower egg quality, declining sperm health)
• Hormonal imbalances such as Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS), thyroid issues, or ovulation disorders.
• Scarring from previous pregnancies or deliveries affecting the fallopian tube.
• Male-factor infertility (low sperm count, poor motility, high DNA fragmentation)
• Pelvic Inflammatory disease
• Unexplained infertility, where no clear cause is found

Even though this isn’t your fault, it doesn’t make it easier!

 

Why This Feels So Hard

People assume that because you have one child, you shouldn’t be struggling.

If you are going through secondary infertility, it often feels that you are misunderstood. 

But the pain of secondary infertility is real.

• You may feel heartbroken and alone, especially if others don’t understand.
• You might feel guilty, as if wanting another baby makes you ungrateful.
• Your relationships may feel strained, whether with your partner, family, or friends who don’t know what to say.
• You might feel stuck between two worlds—a parent who’s grateful for their child but longing for another.
• Trying to get pregnant again can feel like an emotional rollercoaster.
• You might be working with a fertility clinic or fertility specialist, but answers aren’t coming easily.

 

Support for Every Stage of the Journey

Your experience with secondary infertility may look different from someone else’s. Whether you’re just starting to notice difficulties or have been trying for years, support is available.

• Trying to Conceive? We offer emotional support while you navigate the uncertainty.
• Facing Pregnancy Loss? We provide a space to grieve and heal.
• Exploring treatment options? Whether it’s in vitro fertilization (IVF), intrauterine insemination (IUI) or lifestyle changes, we help you explore your next steps with clarity.

 

 

How We Can Help

Here’s how an infertility counsellor can help:

Everyone’s journey is different, so we offer multiple types of support:

• Individual Counseling – One-on-one support to help you process emotions and create a treatment plan that fits your needs.
• Couples Counseling – Helping partners navigate fertility issues together.
• Mind-Body Workshops – using mindfulness and relaxation to ease the rollercoaster of emotions.

 

Is infertility a form of trauma?

Yes, for many people, infertility can feel traumatic. There’s loss, disappointment, medical procedures, and the feeling that something important is out of your control. And often, you’re going through it without a clear ending. That emotional weight can stay with you…but healing is possible. Talking through it with someone who understands can help lessen that weight.

 

Counseling Can Help You:

A mental health professional specializing in fertility can help you:

Process grief, frustration, and uncertainty of experiencing infertility
Cope with anxiety, disappointment, and relationship stress
Navigate fertility treatments and explore the right treatment options
Release guilt and validate your experience—because trouble getting pregnant again is real, and you deserve support. 

Let’s Talk.
Book a consultation today. You don’t have to go through this alone.

 

Secondary Infertility Counselling FAQ’s

 

1. What are the emotions of secondary infertility?

Secondary infertility often brings a complex mix of emotions. Parents may feel guilt for wanting “more” when they already have a child, grief for the family they imagined, isolation from peers who don’t understand, and shame for struggling with something they assumed would come naturally again. Many also experience envy, frustration, and a deep sense of loss.

 

2. How to make peace with secondary infertility?

Making peace doesn’t mean you have to be okay with it right away. It means finding ways to live with the pain, not against it. That might involve talking to a therapist, learning how to cope with triggers, or slowly letting go of the pressure to “move on.” It takes time and it’s okay if you’re not there yet. Everyone’s path to peace looks different.

 

3. How many couples struggle with secondary infertility?

It’s more common than people think. About 1 in 6 couples who try to have another child run into fertility issues. It’s rarely talked about because people assume that once you’ve had one child, the rest should be easy, but that’s not always the case.

 

4. How do I stop being sad about infertility?

It’s okay to feel sad, infertility grief is real. Sadness is a normal response to loss. Trying to ignore or bury it can make it worse over time. What helps is giving yourself permission to feel the sadness, then finding ways to take care of yourself: therapy, creative outlets, journaling, or just talking with someone who gets it.

 

5. What is the grief of secondary infertility?

This grief is often ambiguous and layered. It’s a quiet kind of grief. You’re grieving the baby you hoped for, the family picture you had in mind, or the chance to give your child a sibling. It’s painful because it’s invisible to most people. It’s a silent sorrow, made harder when others assume you “should be fine.”

 

6. Can stress cause secondary infertility?

Stress doesn’t directly cause infertility, but being under constant emotional pressure can throw off your body’s natural rhythms, like ovulation or hormones. That said, stress is usually a result of infertility—not the cause. Therapy can help you find better ways to manage that stress, so it doesn’t take over your life.

 

source https://getreconnected.ca/secondary-infertility-counselling-toronto/

Signs You’re a People Pleaser and What to Do About It

Do you find yourself saying yes to others before truly considering it? 

Do you often feel regret when it’s time to follow through on those commitments?

It’s natural to be considerate. After all, humans are biologically wired to cooperate and respond to our environment. In many ways, our survival has depended on it.  

Interestingly, the first contract in human history wasn’t a legal document, it was a social contract. Long before written agreements, different groups formed unspoken treaties to ensure cooperation, safety, and mutual survival. 

This instinct to maintain harmony isn’t just cultural, it’s deeply wired into us.

 

By securing our environment and strengthening our social bonds, we create a sense of safety that allows us to navigate the world with less conflict.

But what happens when this natural instinct to cooperate and maintain harmony starts working against you? 

Understanding people-pleasing isn’t just about being kind or considerate.

People-pleasing is a pattern of behaviour where you feel an obligation to meet everyone’s expectations, often at the expense of your own needs and well-being. 

If you find yourself prioritizing the needs of others to avoid conflict, rejection, or disapproval, you might be caught in the people-pleasing cycle. 

The tricky part? It can be so ingrained that you don’t even realize you’re doing it. 

You may think you’re just being helpful, easygoing, or a “good friend,” when in reality, you might be stretching yourself too thin, silencing your own needs, or carrying a quiet resentment that no one seems to notice (or appreciate) how much you do.

You tend to ignore your own needs while going to great lengths to ensure others feel happy, comfortable, and satisfied.

 

So, how do you know if you have people pleasing tendencies?

What are the signs of people-pleasing behaviours that go beyond just being nice? 

In this blog we’ll talk about the subtle (and not-so-subtle) red flags that might indicate you’re putting others before yourself a little too often. 

We also explore the impact of people-pleasing and provide strategies for breaking the habit of people-pleasing.

 

Signs You Might Be a People-Pleaser

1. You Struggle to Say No

Saying no is about setting boundaries, and when trying to please others, boundaries can feel terrifying. 

Why? Because saying no might come with consequences…fear of losing a relationship, fear of being judged, or fear of no longer being seen as the “fixer” who’s always available.

If your identity has been built around saying yes, rejecting a request can feel like rejecting a part of yourself. 

It can also feel like you’re risking your place in someone’s life, whether it’s a friendship, a job, or a family dynamic. 

If saying no makes you feel like your worth or likeability is at stake, that’s a red flag you may be a people pleaser.

 

What You Can Do: Establish Healthy Boundaries with Yourself First

Just because you understand someone’s feelings doesn’t mean you have to take them on as your own. 

You can care about what they’re going through while still honouring your own emotions.

Think of boundaries as a way to keep people in your life, not push them away.

Without boundaries, resentment builds.

With boundaries, relationships become more balanced.

Try this: Do a social experiment with yourself.

Every time you say no to something, ask: “What am I saying yes to instead?” Maybe you’re saying yes to your well-being, your time, your mental peace.

If you find yourself constantly agreeing to things you don’t want to do, whether it’s extra work, social events, or favours … this could be a sign of people-pleasing behaviour.

 

2. You Feel Responsible for Others’ Feelings

It’s important to take responsibility for your words and actions, especially if they’ve hurt someone.

… But people-pleasers often take it a step further, believing they are responsible for how others feel, even when it’s beyond their control.

For example, if someone is upset, do you immediately feel like you must “fix” it? Do you struggle to separate what’s yours to own versus what someone else is bringing from their own experiences?

People-pleasers often blur the lines between caring and carrying.

They take on emotions that aren’t theirs, believing that if someone else is unhappy, it must be their fault, or their job to make it better.

What You Can Do: Be Honest with Yourself

Ask yourself: What am I really afraid of? Fear of rejection? Fear of being disliked? Fear of conflict?

Understanding the root can help you break the cycle.

You don’t have to carry someone else’s emotions to be a compassionate person.

 

3. You Seek Approval and Validation

Do you feel uneasy if someone seems upset with you? Do you overanalyze conversations, wondering if you said the “wrong” thing?

For people pleasers, self-worth is often tied to external validation. If people are happy with them, they feel okay.

If someone is upset, they feel like they’ve failed. It’s like constantly waiting for a report card…

If people smile at you, you get an A. If they frown, it’s a D.

But living at the mercy of other people’s reactions is exhausting.

It’s also impossible to control.

What You Can Do: Set Personal Rules for Yourself

Your personal integrity should not be up for negotiation. If a request makes you uncomfortable or goes against your values, remind yourself: Saying yes to someone else should not mean saying no to yourself.

The more you practice making decisions based on your own values, rather than others’ expectations, the more self-trust you’ll build.

 

4. You Avoid Conflict at All Costs

Do you go along with things just to “keep the peace,” even when you don’t agree? 

And it makes sense because disagreement can feel like rejection. You might fear that speaking up will make others upset, lead to confrontation, or even damage a relationship. 

But constantly suppressing your true thoughts and feelings leads to frustration, resentment, and emotional exhaustion.  

Think of it this way: If avoiding external conflict is creating internal conflict, it’s time to reconsider. 

If you frequently catch yourself thinking, I wish I had spoken up, or I wish I had set a boundary, it might be time to reassess.

 

How to Reevaluate

Ask yourself: Am I in harmony with myself? If saying yes to something throws you off balance… if it makes you feel disconnected from your values, it’s probably something worth saying no to.

What You Can Do: Reframe Conflict as Healthy Communication

Not all conflict is destructive. In fact, addressing issues directly often leads to stronger, more authentic relationships.

If you struggle to speak up, start small:

• Practice disagreeing in low-stakes situations. If a friend suggests a restaurant you don’t like, voice your opinion instead of going along with it.
• Use “I” statements. Instead of saying, You always ignore my feelings, try: I feel unheard when my concerns are dismissed.
• Pause before responding. If your instinct is to immediately agree, take a deep breath and ask yourself, Do I actually want this?
  

 

The more you practice, the easier it becomes to assert yourself without guilt.

 

5. You Apologize Excessively

Do you find yourself saying “sorry” for things that don’t actually require an apology? While acknowledging mistakes is important, over-apologizing can signal deeper issues … like guilt, insecurity, or a fear of upsetting others.

Saying sorry can become a reflex.

You might apologize for taking up space, for asking a question, or even for someone else’s mistake.

But when every sentence starts with I’m sorry, it reinforces the idea that you are somehow at fault … when in reality, you’re not.

What You Can Do: Replace Apologies with Gratitude or Assertiveness

Next time you catch yourself about to say sorry, ask: Did I actually do something wrong? If not, swap it for something more confident:

• Instead of Sorry for being late, say Thanks for waiting for me.
• Instead of Sorry for asking so many questions, say I appreciate your help clarifying this.
• Instead of Sorry, can I say something? say I’d like to add something here.

Shifting your language helps reinforce self-worth and reduces unnecessary guilt.

 

6. You Overcommit and Feel Overwhelmed

Do you say yes to every request, even when your schedule is already packed?

Overcommitting is a common habit among people pleasers because saying no feels like letting someone down.

But constantly taking on more than you can handle leads to exhaustion, stress, and burnout.

At first, it might feel good to be the “go-to person” that everyone relies on.

But when you’re stretched too thin, your well-being takes a hit.

You might feel drained, resentful, or even start dreading interactions with the very people you wanted to help.

What You Can Do: Set Limits Before You’re Overwhelmed

Instead of automatically saying yes, give yourself time to decide:

• Try saying, Let me check my schedule and get back to you. This gives you space to assess whether you truly have the time and energy.
• Create a “yes” budget. Decide in advance how many commitments you can realistically handle each week, and stick to it.
• Prioritize your well-being: If saying yes to someone else means saying no to your own rest, reconsider.

Protecting your time isn’t selfish … It’s necessary for your health and happiness.

 

7. You Feel Guilty Prioritizing Yourself

If taking time for yourself feels selfish, you may have been conditioned to believe that your needs don’t matter as much as others’.

People pleasers often struggle with the idea that rest, self-care, and personal goals are just as important as helping others.

You might feel uneasy declining invitations, taking a break, or setting boundaries because deep down, you worry that prioritizing yourself means disappointing someone else.

But the truth is, constantly putting yourself last only leads to burnout, resentment, and emotional exhaustion.

What You Can Do: Reframe Self-Care as a Responsibility

Caring for yourself doesn’t mean you care less about others. It actually allows you to show up for them in a healthier way. Start by:

• Scheduling “you” time just like you would any other commitment. Treat it as non-negotiable.
• Not justifying your need for rest. You don’t need an excuse to take time for yourself. Simply saying I need a break is enough.
• Recognizing that saying yes to yourself is just as valid as saying yes to others.

When you take care of yourself, you’re not being selfish, you’re setting an example of healthy boundaries.

 

Key Takeaways

If you recognize yourself in these signs, know that you’re not alone. Pleasing people often stems from a desire to be accepted, avoid conflict, or maintain relationships. But the good news is that you can break the cycle.

Start by practicing small acts of self-advocacy: saying no when you mean it, setting clear boundaries, and reminding yourself that your worth isn’t determined by how much you do for others. You deserve relationships where you are valued for who you are, not just for what you give.

 

FAQs About People-Pleasing

 

1. How do I stop being a people-pleaser?

Breaking free from people pleasing starts with self-awareness. Recognize where you tend to overextend yourself, practice setting small boundaries, and remind yourself that your worth isn’t tied to how much you do for others.

Therapy can also help you unlearn patterns and build confidence in asserting your needs.

 

2. Is people-pleasing a trauma response?

Yes, for some people, people pleasing develops as a fawn response to trauma. This means that instead of fighting or running away, you learn to appease others as a way to stay safe or maintain relationships.

If you’ve grown up in an environment where approval was tied to love or security, you may have developed people pleasing as a coping mechanism.

 

3. What is the difference between being kind and being a people-pleaser?

Kindness comes from a place of genuine care and generosity, while people-pleasing is often rooted in fear, guilt, or a need for approval.

The key difference is that kindness doesn’t drain you. It’s a choice, not an obligation.

If saying yes feels exhausting or resentful, it may be people-pleasing rather than kindness.

 

4. Can people-pleasing be a sign of anxiety or low self-esteem?

Yes, people-pleasing is often linked to social anxiety, low self-worth, or fear of rejection. 

If you constantly worry about how others perceive you, feel guilty setting boundaries, or struggle to assert yourself, seeking therapy can help you find the root cause of what’s keeping you stuck in a cycle of always saying yes and appeasing everyone. 

 

5. Can therapy help with people-pleasing?

Absolutely. Therapy can help you understand why you people-please, identify underlying fears, and help you get to healthier ways to set boundaries and prioritize yourself.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART) and trauma-informed approaches can all be helpful in overcoming people-pleasing tendencies.

 

6. What types of therapy do you offer at Get Reconnected Psychotherapy Services?

We offer individual therapy, couples counseling, and group therapy for various concerns, including anxiety, depression, self-esteem, people-pleasing, burnout, ADHD, phobias, trauma, fertility-related mental health, and couples.

 

7. Do you offer therapy for people struggling with people-pleasing?

Many of our clients seek support for boundary-setting, self-esteem, and learning to prioritize their own needs without guilt.

If you recognize patterns of people-pleasing and want to develop healthier relationships with yourself and others, we can help.

 

8. Is therapy at Get Reconnected Psychotherapy Services covered by OHIP?

No, psychotherapy is not covered by OHIP in Ontario. However, many private insurance plans provide coverage for psychotherapy with a Registered Psychotherapist (RP).

We recommend checking with your insurance provider to see what services are covered.

 

9. Do you offer virtual therapy sessions?

Yes! We offer virtual psychotherapy services across Ontario through a secure platform called Jane App. 

 

10. How do I book a session at Get Reconnected Psychotherapy Services?

You can book a free consultation here or through our website, Get Reconnected Psychotherapy Services, or contact us via email.

During the consultation, we’ll discuss your needs, answer any questions, and determine if we’re the right fit for you.

source https://getreconnected.ca/signs-people-pleaser-what-to-do/

How To Beat The Winter Blues and Seasonal Affective Disorder – 6 Tips

Winter can be tough! Shorter days and colder weather can take a real toll on our mood. Many people feel a bit down this time of year.
This is often called the “winter blues,” or in more severe cases, Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). You might notice yourself feeling more tired, less motivated, or just not as interested in things you usually enjoy.
Many people experience the winter blues when days get shorter and the weather turns cold, but it’s important to recognize when these mood changes might indicate something more serious.
The good news is that recognizing these changes as a normal part of the winter season can be the first step before you can do something to beat those winter blues.

 

What Those Winter Blues Really Feel Like

You’re hitting the snooze button for the third time, even though you went to bed early. The thought of leaving your warm cocoon of blankets feels almost impossible.
Your favorite activities? They still interest you—but it’s harder to get excited about them. Maybe you’re craving comfort foods more than usual, finding yourself reaching for extra carbs and sugary treats. You’re sluggish, a little down, but you can still function.
These are classic signs of the winter blues—a temporary dip in mood caused by shorter days and colder weather. While they can be frustrating, they don’t necessarily disrupt your daily life in a significant way.
However, when these feelings become persistent, severe, and start interfering with your ability to function, they may be signs of something more—Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD).

 

What is Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)?

SAD is a type of depression that occurs during a specific season, usually fall and winter months.
It is formally called seasonal affective disorder and is considered a type of major depressive disorder with a seasonal pattern.
It is a mood disorder that affects people who normally have good mental health throughout the year, and it impairs daily functioning and interferes with daily activities.
People that struggle with SAD typically experience symptoms that start in late fall when daylight hours begin to decrease.
Seasonal mood shifts can affect even those who usually feel mentally well throughout the year. When the winter blues set in, it disrupts daily life and makes simple tasks feel overwhelming.
Symptoms typically appear in late fall or early winter and improve during spring and summer. Most people with SAD begin to feel the effects when fall arrives and continues to experience SAD throughout the winter months.
But, there have been instances where this pattern is reversed, and the symptoms occur during the summer months, a ‘summertime sadness’ or summer depression.

 

Symptoms of SAD:

Symptoms can include signs similar to those of major depression, and SAD symptoms may vary in intensity:

• Low mood: may feel like a heavy cloud that lingers, everything may seem a little duller and harder to face. It can bring a sense of sadness or hopelessness that’s tough to shake, even when there’s no clear reason for it. A persistent feeling of sadness or hopelessness. Many people feel sad during fall and winter due to these seasonal changes.
• Loss of interest/ lack of motivation: Things that once felt exciting or fulfilling start to feel like a chore. Hobbies, social events, or even favorite pastimes lose their spark, leaving little motivation to engage in them. A decrease in interest or pleasure in once-enjoyed activities. These symptoms of depression can make everyday activities feel overwhelming.
• Fatigue: No matter how much sleep you get, you still wake up feeling drained. Simple tasks feel exhausting, and even getting through the day can seem like a struggle. Feeling excessively tired or lethargic, even after sleeping. The lack of sunlight in fall and winter can contribute significantly to this fatigue.
• Sleep disturbances: Mornings feel impossible to face, and getting out of bed takes extra effort. On the other hand, sleep might be the only escape, leading to long hours of rest that still don’t feel refreshing. Difficulty waking up in the morning or excessive sleeping. This is a common symptom for those who experience SAD.
• Weight changes: Cravings for comfort foods, especially carbs, can lead to unexpected weight gain. On the flip side, a loss of appetite might cause weight to drop without trying. Gaining weight due to increased cravings for carbohydrates or losing weight. SAD may cause significant changes in appetite and weight.
• Difficulty concentrating: Your mind feels cloudy, making it hard to focus or stay on track. Even simple tasks take more effort, and thoughts seem to slip away just as quickly as they come. A feeling of mental fog or difficulty focusing.
• Social withdrawal: Spending time with others feels exhausting, leading to a pull toward isolation. The idea of socializing feels more like a burden than a source of comfort. A desire to isolate from family and friends.

In Canada, long winters and less sunlight make Seasonal Affective Disorder SAD more common, particularly prevalent, affecting about 2-3% of the population (CMHA, 2021).
Due to the long winters and reduced sunlight. While the exact cause isn’t fully known, experts believe this type of depression happens because of seasonal changes.

 

The Science Behind The Seasons

Our bodies operate on a delicate internal clock, or circadian rhythm, that’s significantly influenced by sunlight.
When winter brings shorter days and less natural light, this rhythm can be disrupted, leading to:

• Decreased serotonin production, a neurotransmitter that helps regulate mood
• Increased melatonin levels, which can make you feel sleepy and sluggish
• Vitamin D efficiency, as our bodies produce less when exposed to less sunlight

It is thought that this subtype of depression occurs in response to changes brought on by the weather changes.

The body’s natural biological rhythms can get thrown off by the lack of are disrupted by the reduced sunlight and lead to hormonal imbalances.

This affects important brain chemicals that control mood and sleep, making winter months feel heavier and harder to get through and thereby impacting neurotransmitters in the brain, especially those that regulate mood and sleep cycles (CMHA, 2021).

If you’ve been feeling sluggish, moody, or just not yourself, you’re not alone. A big part of this is how winter affects our brain chemistry and biological rhythms, but the good news is, there are ways to turn things around.

If you regularly feel sad when daylight hours decrease, you might be experiencing seasonal affective disorder.

 

1. Get More Natural Light – Boost Serotonin and Regulate your Circadian Rhythm

Sunlight is one of the most powerful tools for keeping your mood and energy levels up. It helps regulate your circadian rhythm (your body’s internal clock) and boosts serotonin, a neurotransmitter that makes you feel calm and happy.

• Get outside in the morning – even if it’s cold. Just 20-30 minutes of natural light exposure can help regulate your sleep wake cycle and improve your mood.
• Sit Near Windows or work in well-lit spaces during the day.
• Consider a light therapy lamp if sunlight is limited. Use it for 20-30 minutes in the morning. It mimics sunlight and helps keep your brain on track.

2. Move Your Body – Release Dopamine and Endorphins

Exercise is one of the easiest ways to feel better, fast. Physical movement releases endorphins (your body’s natural painkillers) and dopamine (the “reward” hormone that gives you a sense of accomplishment). It also helps regulate your body temperature and energy levels, which can get thrown off in winter.

• Do anything active – walk, stretch, dance in your kitchen, or go to the gym. The goal is to move, not to be perfect.
• Start small – 5 minutes is better than nothing. Once you start, you’ll probably keep going.
• Try outdoor exercise if possible – fresh air + movement = double the mood boost

3. Fix Your Sleep Schedule

Winter messes with our melatonin production, the hormone that makes us sleepy. Less sunlight means our brains produce melatonin earlier, making us feel sluggish before it’s even bedtime.

The key is to reset your sleep schedule so your body knows when to be awake and when to wind down.

• Get morning light exposure as soon as you wake up. It signals to your brain that it’s daytime.
• Stick to a consistent sleep schedule (yes, even on the weekends).
• Avoid screens at night – blue light tricks your brain into thinking it’s still daytime and messes up melatonin production.
• Try a sunrise alarm clock if waking up in the dark is a struggle.

4. Eat for Mood Balance – Support Serotonin and Energy Levels

Food impacts how you feel more than you think. Winter cravings tend to lean toward carbs and sugar because they temporarily boost serotonin, but they can also cause crashes. Instead, focus on foods that naturally support brain chemistry.

• Eat more protein (eggs, fish, turkey, nuts) to support dopamine production.
• Get healthy fats (avocados, olive oil, nuts) to stabilize your mood.
• Add omega-3s (found in salmon, flaxseeds, walnuts) to reduce inflammation and support brain function.
• Stay hydrated! (Dehydration can make you feel sluggish and foggy.

5. Stay Social – Boost Oxytocin

It’s tempting to hibernate in winter, but too much isolation makes the blues worse. Social interaction releases oxytocin, the “bonding” hormone that helps you feel connected and supported.

• Make plans, even when you don’t feel like it. A quick coffee date, a phone call, or a video chat can boost your mood.
• If getting out feels overwhelming, find small ways to connect – text a friend, send a meme, or join an online group.
• Combine socializing with movement (like a winter walk) for double the benefit.

6. Do Things That Make You Happy – Dopamine and Endorphins Boosters

When everything feels dull, it’s easy to stop doing things you enjoy. But small dopamine-boosting activities can make a big difference.
Listen to music that lifts your mood.

• Watch funny videos (laughter releases endorphins)
• Start a small project (crafting, baking, organizing – anything that gives you a sense of accomplishment)
• Try something new – novel experiences trigger dopamine release.

Treatment Options for SAD

Treatment for SAD often involves a combination of approaches including:

• Light Therapy: The exposure to specially designed lights that simulate natural sunlight has proven to be very effective.
• Psychotherapy (Cognitive-Based Therapy (CBT)): CBT is focused on helping individuals identify and navigate certain thought patterns to cultivate healthier coping strategies especially in addressing social withdrawal and intense feelings.
• Medication: Medication can be prescribed to help manage mood and emotional regulation through supporting certain hormones in the brain. This treatment method is often used in combination with light therapy, and psychotherapy.
• Lifestyle changes: Changes in diet, exercise, and sleep have a significant impact on living with SAD despite the increased desire to binge-watch Netflix under a cozy blanket. Taking part in physical activities, improving sleep hygiene, and eating well can help improve mood while engaging in social activities can help with feelings of sadness and loneliness (CMHA, 2021).

Recognizing the signs and symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder is the first step towards seeking treatment. Challenging the stigma and normalizing the disorder allows for open discussion; and therefore, a reduction in barriers for those seeking help.

In doing so, learning and understanding are encouraged so that people may feel more empowered in their ability to manage the symptoms of SAD.
Appropriate attention, care and support may offer relief and a reduction in the impact that SAD can have on daily activities and life, allowing us to enjoy winter again.

Key Takeaways

Winter blues are real, but they’re not permanent. A few small shifts (getting more light, moving your body, prioritizing sleep, and staying connected) can help reset your mood and energy levels.

It’s not about forcing yourself to be happy, it’s about giving your brain and body what they need to feel better naturally.

If your winter blues feel more like a heavy fog that won’t lift, you might be dealing with seasonal affective disorder (SAD). While small lifestyle changes can help, SAD is a form of depression that may require more than just light exposure and exercise.

If you’re feeling persistently low, fatigued, or struggling to find motivation, reaching out to a mental health professional can make a difference. Talk to a healthcare provided if you think you might be experiencing more than just the winter blues.

At Get Reconnected Psychotherapy Services, we provide compassionate, evidence-based support to help you surf through seasonal depression, anxiety, and other mental health challenges.

The first step in managing SAD is seeking help from a healthcare professional who will conduct an assessment. Beginning with this step rules out any other conditions as many of the symptoms are shared across other disorders and a correct diagnosis is crucial to implementing a successful treatment plan.

FAQs

1. What is the difference between Winter Blues and Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)?

   The winter blues refer to a temporary dip in mood due to shorter days and colder weather. While they can make you feel sluggish or unmotivated, they don’t significantly disrupt your daily life.
   SAD, on the other hand, is a form of depression that lasts for weeks or months and interferes with daily functioning. If your symptoms feel persistent and overwhelming, it may be more than just the winter blues.

2. What are the most common symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder?

   Common symptoms include:
   Persistent low mood or hopelessness
   Loss of interest in activities you usually enjoy
   Fatigue and excessive sleeping
   Difficulty concentrating
   Increased cravings for carbs and sugar
   Weight changes
   Social withdrawal
   If these symptoms interfere with your ability to function, it may be time to seek professional support.

3. What causes Seasonal Affective Disorder?

   SAD is believed to be caused by seasonal changes that affect brain chemistry, particularly a decrease in serotonin (which regulates mood), an increase in melatonin (which makes you feel sleepy), and a disruption in your body’s internal clock (circadian rhythm) due to less sunlight exposure. Vitamin D deficiency may also play a role.

4. How is SAD diagnosed?

   A mental health professional such as a psychologist or psychiatrist can diagnose SAD based on your symptoms, medical history, and a discussion about when your mood changes occur.
   It’s important to rule out other forms of depression or medical conditions that could be contributing to symptoms.

5. How can I treat Seasonal Affective Disorder naturally?

   While severe cases may require therapy or medication, natural treatments can help, including:
   Light therapy: Using a light therapy lamp for 20-30 minutes in the morning can mimic natural sunlight.
   Getting outside: Even on cloudy days, exposure to natural light helps regulate mood.
   Exercise: Physical activity releases endorphins and helps combat fatigue.
   Diet: Eating foods rich in Omega-3s, protein, and healthy fats supports brain function.
   Sleep regulation: Maintaining a consistent sleep schedule helps reset your body’s natural rhythm.

6. When should I see a therapist for SAD?

   If your symptoms last for more than two weeks, interfere with daily life, or feel overwhelming, seeking therapy can help.
   Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is particularly effective for SAD, as it helps change negative thought patterns and develop coping strategies.

7. Do you offer therapy for Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) at Get Reconnected Psychotherapy Services?

   Yes! We provide evidence-based therapy to help individuals manage seasonal depression, anxiety, and mood-related challenges. Our therapists use Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and other therapeutic approaches to help you develop tools to cope with seasonal mood changes.

8. How do I know if therapy is right for me?

   If you’re feeling persistently low, fatigued, unmotivated, or struggling to function in daily life, therapy can help. At Get Reconnected Psychotherapy Services, we offer a free consultation to discuss your concerns and see if therapy is a good fit for you.

9. Do you offer virtual therapy sessions?

   Yes! We offer virtual therapy sessions across Ontario, making it easy for clients to access support from the comfort of home.

10. What types of therapy do you offer?

    We offer individual therapy, couples counseling, and group therapy for various mental health concerns, including:
    Anxiety and depression
    Trauma and PTSD
    Self-esteem and boundary-setting
    Relationship and fertility-related mental health
    Stress management and burnout
    Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) and mood-related concerns

11. Is therapy covered by OHIP in Ontario?

    No, psychotherapy is not covered by OHIP. However, many private insurance plans cover therapy with a Registered Psychotherapist (RP). We recommend checking with your provider to see what’s included in your coverage.

12. What can I expect from my first therapy session?

    In your first session, your therapist will:
    Discuss your concerns, symptoms, and goals
    Provide a safe, non-judgmental space to explore your feelings
    Help you understand the therapy process and how it can support you
    Create a personalized plan to help you move forward
    You don’t need to have everything figured out—therapy is a collaborative process designed to meet you where you are.

13. How do I book a therapy session at Get Reconnected Psychotherapy Services?

    You can book a free consultation here or through our website, Get Reconnected Psychotherapy Services, or contact us via email. We’ll discuss your needs and match you with a therapist who is the best fit for you.

source https://getreconnected.ca/how-to-beat-the-winter-blues-and-seasonal-affective-disorder-6-tips/