The Science of Sleep: What Happens When You Sleep

What Happens When You Sleep

If you have a brain, chances are you need to sleep. It is a biological necessity we share with all animals and can change how well we function, respond, act and heal. There is evidence that shows that almost every choice we make during the day can affect sleep: from the food we eat, vitamins, substances we ingest (e.g., caffeine), daily habits, etc.

You probably know that you need sleep but sometimes it’s hard to explain why quality of sleep is so important to focus on.

Sleep plays a huge role in keeping us healthy, and the 5Rs—Refresh, Renew, Restore, Regenerate, and Reconfigure—help explain why. Sleep refreshes your mind and body by clearing out waste and giving your brain a chance to reset. It renews your physical health by helping your muscles heal, boosting your immune system, and recharging your energy. Sleep restores your emotional balance by helping you process memories and manage your mood. During deep sleep, your body regenerates by repairing and growing cells. Finally, sleep reconfigures your brain, making it easier to learn new things and come up with creative ideas.

Understanding the importance of sleep can help us make choices that improve it. There is a reason it’s prescribed by healthcare practitioners and therapists everywhere as one of the backbones to a better life!

 

The Science Behind Sleep

Sleep may seem like a quiet, inactive state, but it’s actually a busy and dynamic process. During non-rapid eye movement (NREM) sleep, your body slows down its energy use, which helps boost your immune system and repair cells. On the other hand, rapid eye movement (REM) sleep is when your brain works on processing emotions and storing memories. Together, these stages of sleep help you recharge and get ready for the challenges of everyday life.

Sleep patterns in the animal kingdom show just how universal sleep is. Even though sleeping makes animals vulnerable, every species sleeps or has some form of rest. One idea from evolution, called the energy conservation hypothesis, suggests that sleep helps animals save energy by lowering their metabolism and body temperature. You can see this in smaller animals, which have faster metabolisms and need more sleep compared to larger animals.

Hibernation takes this idea even further. Many animals conserve energy during cold months by dramatically slowing down their metabolism.

Recognizing how important and widespread sleep is reminds us to prioritize it in our own lives. Sleep isn’t just a basic need – it’s essential for healing, growth, and thriving in all areas of life.

 

How Does Sleep Work?

Even though sleep seems like a time when the brain shuts down, it’s actually very active. While you sleep, your brain sorts through the events of the day, deciding which memories to keep and which to let go. The deeper stages of sleep, especially NREM sleep, help lock in facts and skills you’ve learned. REM sleep, on the other hand, focuses on processing emotions and keeping your mood balanced.

Sleep also acts like a cleaning crew for the brain. As you sleep, your brain cells shrink, making space for toxins and harmful proteins to be flushed out through the glymphatic system. This process helps keep your brain healthy and sharp. Meanwhile, your body goes through physical repairs – muscles relax, growth hormones are released, and tissues throughout your body are restored.

Sleep does more than just support your brain — it’s crucial for your whole body, especially your immune system.

While you sleep, your body produces T-cells that help fight infections. Sleep also regulates hormones like leptin and ghrelin, which manage hunger and fullness, making it easier to maintain a healthy weight. Even your skin benefits from sleep, as antioxidants are released to repair damage and reduce inflammation, which is often referred to as “beauty sleep”.

Sleep isn’t just about resting, it’s an active process that keeps so many important functions running smoothly — things we often rely on without even realizing it.

 

Quantifying sleep: How much is enough?

When it comes to sleep, the question is: How much is enough?

Sleep needs vary depending on age, and getting the right amount helps us function at our best.

Adults generally need 7 to 9 hours of sleep each night.

Older adults (65 and up) might need a little less and often make up for it with naps.

Teenagers, who are still growing and developing, need 8 to 10 hours of sleep. They also naturally tend to stay up later at night and sleep later in the morning.

Sleep is especially important for children as it supports their growth and development.

School-aged children (6 to 12 years old) need 9 to 12 hours of sleep each night.

Toddlers (3 to 5 years old) need between 10 and 13 hours, including naps.

Infants (4 to 12 months old) benefit from 12 to 16 hours of sleep, including nap time.

These sleep guidelines matter because not getting enough rest can affect a child’s cognitive development, emotion regulation, and overall physical health.

What about “just 5 more minutes” of sleep, as we make pleas with our spouse, partner, parent or alarm clock? It may feel harmless, but it can actually disrupt your sleep cycle.

Sleep cycles last about 90 minutes and go through different stages of sleep. When you hit the snooze button, you may begin a new cycle and then wake up before completing it, leaving you feeling groggy and less refreshed.

It’s better to aim for a consistent sleep schedule and avoid interruptions that prevent your body from completing its full cycles.

 

Sleep Stages

Sleep is divided into two main categories: REM (Rapid Eye Movement) sleep and non-REM sleep. Non-REM sleep itself is divided into three stages: N1, N2, and N3. Each stage is defined by different brain wave patterns and physiological processes.

 

• N1 (Stage 1) is the lightest stage, the transition from wakefulness to sleep. This phase lasts 1 to 5 minutes and is characterized by relaxed muscles and occasional twitching.

 

• N2 (Stage 2) represents a deeper level of sleep where your body temperature drops, and your heart rate and breathing become more regular. In this stage, the brain produces bursts of electrical activity, known as sleep spindles, which help resist external disturbances. You’ll spend about half of your night in N2.

 

• N3 (Stage 3), also known as slow-wave sleep or deep sleep, is the most restorative stage. It plays a key role in repairing tissues, boosting the immune system, and supporting brain functions like memory and creativity.

 

REM sleep happens in cycles throughout the night and is marked by rapid eye movements and vivid dreams. During this stage, your brain is highly active, while your muscles temporarily become paralyzed to prevent you from acting out your dreams.

Each stage of sleep serves a unique purpose.

Non-REM sleep helps with physical recovery, growth, strengthening the immune system, and storing memories.

REM sleep is crucial for mental tasks like problem-solving, learning, and processing emotions.

Together, these stages work together to ensure that both the body and mind are rejuvenated.

How Can You Tell If Your Sleep is Efficient?

Sleep efficiency refers to the ratio of time spent asleep to the total time spent in bed. Ideally, you want a sleep efficiency of around 85% to 90%. A high sleep efficiency means you are getting the most restorative rest possible.

One way to track sleep efficiency is by using a sleep tracker like a Fitbit. If you don’t have a tracker, you can estimate your sleep efficiency manually by following these steps:

1. Note the time you go to bed and the time you wake up.
2. Subtract the time it took you to fall asleep (if any).
3. Count how many times you woke up during the night and estimate the total time spent awake.
4. Calculate the total sleep time and divide it by the total time spent in bed.

For example, if you spend 7 hours in bed but only manage 6.5 hours of sleep due to wakefulness or tossing and turning, your sleep efficiency is about 93%.

The goal is to improve this ratio by minimizing disruptions and ensuring a more restful sleep experience.

Improving sleep quality can involve making simple changes, such as establishing a consistent bedtime, reducing screen time before bed, or engaging in relaxation techniques like meditation or progressive muscle relaxation.

Monitoring your sleep efficiency over time can help you track progress and refine your sleep habits for better health and well-being.

 

The Theories Behind Sleep

Evolutionary theories suggest that sleep evolved to conserve energy, with NREM sleep lowering metabolism and body temperature. However, studies show that the energy saved during sleep is minimal (equivalent to a stick of celery!) making it unlikely to be the sole reason we sleep.

Interestingly, REM sleep, which shows brain activity similar to when you’re awake, actually uses more energy. This challenges the idea that sleep is just about saving energy.

 

Key Takeaways

Sleep is more than just rest … It’s a complex and active process essential for keeping your mind and body in top shape. Each stage of sleep plays a unique role in cognitive function, emotional balance, physical recovery, and overall well-being.

From strengthening the immune system and clearing out toxins to helping us manage emotions and lock in new memories, sleep supports nearly every aspect of our health.

Prioritizing quality sleep isn’t a luxury, it’s a fundamental part of living a healthier, more resilient life.

source https://getreconnected.ca/the-science-of-sleep-what-happens-when-you-sleep/

Differences Between Psychologists, Psychotherapists, and Psychiatrists

If you’ve ever heard these terms and felt confused, you’re not alone. Most people hear these terms and do not know what the differences are.

It can feel like everyone’s speaking the same language but using different words. It’s easy to wonder, why does it have to be so complicated?

In this blog, we’ll clear up the confusion. We’ll explain what each professional does, their education and training, and what you can expect when you see a psychologist, psychotherapist, or psychiatrist.

Imagine you’re struggling with something in your life. It could be anxiety, a tough relationship, or just feeling stuck. Who should you seek out then? A psychiatrist? Psychologist? Or a Psychotherapist?

The good news is that these professionals are all working towards the same goal: helping you feel better by working with you to navigate life’s challenges through talk therapy and/or medications.

Type of Mental Health Professionals

Psychiatrists

Psychiatrists are medical doctors of the mental health world. They’ve gone through medical school and specialized in understanding how the brain works from a medical perspective.

If you’re dealing with more complex mental health disorders like severe depression, bipolar disorder, or schizophrenia, a psychiatry referral would be the go-to professional.

They can diagnose and treat mental health conditions and prescribe medication.

What’s the difference between psychiatrists and psychologists? The primary distinction lies in their ability to prescribe medication and their focus on medical treatment.

Psychologists

Psychologists are like detailed investigators of human behaviour. They have advanced degrees (often a doctoral degree like a PhD or PsyD) and a degree in psychology. These professionals specialize in understanding the differences in how people think, feel, and behave.

A clinical psychologist can provide comprehensive psychological testing and diagnose and treat mental health disorders. Psychologists are trained in cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) and other evidence-based methods to help you understand patterns in your life.

Unlike psychiatrists, psychologists do not prescribe medication. Instead, they can provide assessments and psychotherapy with a focus on helping you manage emotional responses and change problematic behaviours. They can help guide you on how to move out of the patterns that keep you stuck.

Psychotherapists

Psychotherapists are a broad category of professionals trained in psychotherapy and counselling. They usually have a Master’s degree and specialization in mental health support. A psychotherapist may also be social work professionals, counsellors, or couples and family therapists.

Psychotherapists provide ongoing support to help you process emotions, develop coping strategies, and navigate personal challenges. They can also provide therapy for specific mental health disorders through evidence based methods.

If you need someone to help you work through emotional patterns, transitions, or stress, a psychotherapist is an excellent choice. In Ontario, psychotherapists play an essential role in supporting mental health needs, often collaborating with other professionals.

How These Professionals Work Together

Let’s say you’re struggling with depression.

A psychiatrist might assess your condition and potentially prescribe medication to help balance your brain chemistry.

A clinical psychologist might do comprehensive testing to understand the depth and nature of your depression and can provide a diagnosis.

A psychotherapist would provide ongoing support, helping you develop coping strategies and work through the emotional aspects of your experience.

These professionals also provide support in different ways, but the goal remains the same: to help you understand yourself better and improve your mental health.

Choosing the Right Mental Health Professional

Many people benefit from a combination of approaches. Maybe you’re seeing a psychiatrist for medication management, while also seeing a psychotherapist for weekly support. It is basically having a team of experts all focused on helping you become the best version of yourself.

When considering the difference between psychiatrists, psychologists, and psychotherapists, it is important to reflect on your specific needs.

Choosing the right professional is personal. It’s about finding someone you feel comfortable with, who understands your specific needs, and who can provide the type of support that works best for you.

Don’t be afraid to ask questions, have initial consultations, and find the right fit. Your mental health journey is uniquely yours, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach.

At the end of the day, whether it’s a psychiatrist, psychologist, or psychotherapist, the goal is the same: to support you in understanding yourself better, developing healthier coping mechanisms, and living a more fulfilling life.

Reach Out for a Free Consultation

At Get Reconnected Psychotherapy Services, we are a team of psychotherapists, intern therapists, and a psychologist, each specializing in specific areas such as ADHD, phobias, infertility, burnout, relationship difficulties, among others. We also collaborate with Psychotherapy Matters where we can consult with psychiatrists on your unique symptoms. Reach out to us for a free 15-minute consultation to find out how we can help.

 

source https://getreconnected.ca/differences-between-psychologists-psychotherapists-psychiatrists/

Coping With Infertility During the Holidays

The holiday season is supposed to be filled with joy, family, and celebration. But when you’re dealing with infertility, it can feel like walking through a minefield of emotions, awkward conversations, and unspoken pain.

I’ve supported many clients going through infertility, and I understand how overwhelming this time of year can be.

Family gatherings can be tough when you’re still on the train of trying to conceive. There’s always an uncle or aunt asking when you’re going to start a family, cousins showing off their adorable children, and what seems like endless conversations about pregnancy and babies. It can feel like you’re constantly dodging emotional landmines at holiday events and family events. It’s no wonder many couples struggling with infertility feel like victims of the holiday blues.

Here are 7 Tips In Coping With Infertility During the Holidays

1. Emotional Preparation is Key

It’s Okay to Not Be Okay

First things first, your feelings are valid. Whether you’re experiencing a mix of sadness, resentment, jealousy, anger, grief, these emotions you’re experiencing are completely normal. The pain of infertility is a profound loss, and the holidays may amplify those feelings.

Give yourself permission to feel it all. There’s no ‘right’ way to handle this, and it’s okay if you’re not feeling the holiday spirit.

 2. Set Boundaries

Before you step into any gathering, have an honest conversation with your partner about what feels right for both of you.

Decide together:

• How much you’re willing to share
• Who knows about your fertility journey
• A secret signal if you need to exit a conversation or room

Create a game plan. Maybe that means having a code word that tells your partner you need a break, or pre-planning an exit strategy for uncomfortable moments.

3. It’s Okay to Say No

You don’t have to go to every single event and say ‘yes’ to every invitation. It’s okay to be selective about accepting invitations to parties and holiday celebrations. If a certain event feels too difficult, give yourself permission to decline. It’s okay to skip gatherings that will drain you or bring up too much pain. You are not obligated to attend every gathering.

If a gathering feels too overwhelming, it’s perfectly acceptable to:

• Decline the invitation
• Attend for a shorter time
• Bring a supportive partner or friend
• Create your own alternative celebration

4. Prepare for The Awkward Questions

Certain questions from well-meaning relatives can be tough. When someone asks, “When are you going to get pregnant?” or “You don’t want to have kids?” or hints at you starting a family, it can feel like a punch to the gut. Preparing a few responses ahead of time can help you feel more confident.

You might say: “We’re just enjoying our time together right now”, or “We’ll share news when we’re ready”.

If you need to, don’t hesitate to redirect the conversation. A simple “Let’s change the subject and talk about something else” can save you from further discomfort.

Practicing these responses can help you feel ready when the moment comes.

5. Create New Traditions That Bring You Joy

Infertility doesn’t have to define your holiday experience. This could be the time to create new traditions that bring you joy or feel good to you.

Maybe you volunteer at a local charity, plan a trip with your partner, or start a new hobby.

You can also build in self-care rituals, like a long walk, a cozy night with a favourite style movie, or whatever fills your cup.

These are wonderful ways to feel grounded and connected to yourself while navigating infertility around the holidays. Small moments of joy can go a long way in helping you get through the holidays.

6. Support Matters – For Both Of You

Don ‘t forget that you’re not alone in this. Talk to your partner about how you’re feeling.

Be open about your frustrations, fears, and hopes. Many couples struggling with infertility feel the weight of this journey together.

For men, especially, it’s okay to acknowledge feelings of grief, inadequacy, or frustration. Infertility isn’t just a “woman’s issue”, and both of you deserve infertility support. Talking to a fertility specialist or joining a support group may be a good way to help both of you process this life crisis.

7. Self-Care is Much Needed

Self-care is essential during this time. Limit social media if seeing pregnancy announcements or family photos feels painful. Make time to move your body, practice mindfulness, and get the sleep you need. Let yourself grieve if you need to, and don’t feel guilty for taking care of yourself.

Remember: you don’t owe anyone an explanation for your choices or your feelings.

Final Thoughts

This holiday season might feel impossibly hard, and that’s okay! You are not defined by your ability to conceive. Your worth is not tied to anyone’s expectations. Your family is whatever you define it to be.

Some days will be harder than others. Some moments will bring tears. Others might surprise you with joy. All of it is valid.

Wishing you gentleness, compassion, and moments of peace this holiday season.

source https://getreconnected.ca/coping-with-infertility-during-holidays/

The 9 Stages of Infertility Grief and How to Cope

Infertility can leave you feeling like the ground has been pulled out from under you. It’s not just about not being able to get pregnant —it’s the loss of the life you pictured, the dreams you nurtured, and the milestones you thought were certain.

The grief of infertility is messy, complicated, and deeply personal. While everyone’s journey is different, there are common stages that many people experience.

Here’s a look at what those nine grief stages can feel like.

Infertility Grief

1. Shock

Hearing the words “infertility” for the first time feels like someone hit pause on your world. It’s surreal. This can’t be real, right? There’s this moment where your brain struggles to catch up with the idea that something you assumed would just happen is now in question. Everything feels frozen.

What Can You Do?

Give yourself time to process.

When you first hear the diagnosis or face the reality, it’s normal to not have all the answers. Sit with it, let it sink in. You don’t have to “fix” it right away. Journaling or even just taking a quiet walk can help you start making sense of the chaos in your head.

2. Denial

Maybe the doctor’s wrong. Maybe it’s just stress. Maybe next month will be different. You hold onto every shred of hope that this is temporary. Googling miracle stories and success after failed attempts becomes second nature. You’re not ready to believe this is really happening to you.

What Can You Do?

 Balance hope with facts.

Grief is a complex process, and it’s natural to cling to hope. But don’t get stuck in endless “maybe ifs.” It’s helpful to talk to your doctor, friend, or a fertility counsellor about realistic options. Having a plan—even a rough one—can help you feel like you’re taking control without losing sight of reality.

3. Isolation

Struggling with infertility has a way of making you feel like you’re on an island. Friends don’t understand, family doesn’t always say the right thing, and the last place you want to be is at a baby shower or scrolling through social media. It’s easier to avoid people than to explain or risk hearing well-meaning but hurtful comments like, “Just relax, and it’ll happen.”

What Can You Do?

Find your people.

You don’t have to tell everyone, but talking to someone who gets it can be a lifeline. Join a support group (online or in-person) or connect with a therapist who specializes in infertility. Sometimes just hearing “me too” can make all the difference.

4. Anger

The anger can feel overwhelming. It’s not just about being upset—it’s a rage at how unfair this is. Why does your body feel like it’s betraying you? Why does it seem so easy for everyone else? Why are you the one who has to go through this? Every pregnancy announcement and every casual comment about kids feels like a knife straight to your heart.

What Can You Do?

Let it out.

Anger needs an outlet. Go for a run, scream into a pillow, or write an uncensored rant in a journal. Bottling it up doesn’t help. And if you find yourself snapping at loved ones, take a moment to explain what you’re feeling—it can stop misunderstandings before they start.

5. Bargaining

This is the stage of what ifs and maybe if I just…. You dive into research mode, trying every diet, supplement, or fertility treatment that could possibly work. You start thinking, If I do X, maybe Y will happen. It’s exhausting, but it feels like the only way to keep hope alive.

What Can You Do?

Take breaks from the “what ifs.”

It’s tempting to research every possible fertility option, but it can become overwhelming. Set boundaries for yourself—like only spending an hour a day researching—and make space for non-reproductive activities that bring you joy.

6. Guilt

The guilt is relentless. You start replaying every decision you’ve ever made. Did I wait too long? Should I have gone to the doctor earlier? Did I do something wrong? Deep down, you know it’s not your fault, but the guilt doesn’t care. It just lingers, making an already hard situation feel heavier.

What Can You Do?

Be kind to yourself!

Remind yourself that infertility is not your fault. Write down a list of things you did do right, like advocating for yourself or seeking help when you needed it. Whenever guilt creeps in, read the list and remind yourself that you’re doing the best you can.

7. Depression

There’s a point where the weight of it all feels like too much. The sadness seeps into everything. The things that used to bring you joy now feel meaningless. Month after month, the disappointment compounds, making it harder to stay hopeful. It’s hard to think about the future when all you can see is what you’ve lost. Even getting out of bed can feel like a struggle.

What Can You Do?

Focus on tiny steps!

Depression can make even the smallest tasks feel impossible. Start small—get out of bed, take a shower, or go outside for five minutes. Celebrate those tiny wins. And if it feels too heavy to handle on your own, reach out to a therapist. There’s no shame in getting help.

8. Envy

You don’t want to feel it, but the jealousy creeps in. Seeing pregnant friends, new babies, or even a family in a TV commercial can hit like a gut punch. It’s not that you’re not happy for them—it’s just that their happiness feels like a reminder of what you don’t have.

What Can You Do?

Set boundaries!

It’s okay to say no to baby showers, skip scrolling through social media, or gently tell a friend you need a break from hearing about their pregnancy. Protect your energy. And remind yourself that feeling envy doesn’t make you a bad person—it makes you human.

9. Acceptance

Acceptance doesn’t mean everything’s okay. It doesn’t mean the pain is gone. It means you’ve started to make room for the grief without letting it completely consume you. Maybe you’re still trying treatments, or maybe you’re exploring other options like adoption or surrogacy.

Acceptance is about finding a way to move forward, even if the path looks different than you imagined.

What Can You Do?

Define what acceptance looks like for you!

Acceptance doesn’t mean giving up—it means figuring out how to move forward in a way that feels right for you. Maybe it’s continuing IVF treatments, exploring other paths to parenthood, or shifting focus to things outside of having kids. Whatever it is, let it be on your terms.

Key Take Aways

Infertility grief is heavy, but it’s not something you have to carry alone. Whether you’re cycling through these stages or feel stuck in one, know that there’s no “right” way to do this. Give yourself grace. Seek support when you need it. And remember, even in the hardest moments, hope has a way of finding you again.

At Get Reconnected, Delia Petrescu specializes in the grief and stress that comes from struggling to conceive. Book a free 15-minute consultation so we can talk about how I can be of help!

source https://getreconnected.ca/the-9-stages-of-infertility-grief-how-to-cope/

Fight or Flight Response Explained: How Your Brain’s Alarm System Works

Have you ever felt your heart racing, your palms sweating, and your body tensing up before you even realize what’s going on?

That’s your fight or flight response at work. It’s your brain’s natural stress response (survival mechanism), preparing you to face danger—or escape from it.

At the center of this incredible system is a tiny part of the brain called the amygdala. This amygdala is an almond-shaped structure that plays a big role in triggering your body’s alarm system, but it can sometimes overreact.

Let’s look at how this response works, what happens when amygdala activation leads to a “hijack” and overreaction, and how understanding it can help you manage stress and anxiety.

What Is the Fight or Flight Response?

This is your body’s natural reaction to danger and it is designed to protect you from harm. When your brain senses a perceived threat, it prepares you to take action: fight, flee, or freeze.

Imagine you’re walking in the woods and hear a rustling sound in the bushes. Before you even have time to think, your amygdala perceives a threat, then your heart is pounding, your muscles tense, and you’re ready to react.

This automatic emotional response is your brain’s way of saying, “Get ready, something might be dangerous.”

This is how it unfolds:

1. Your senses pick up a possible threat (a noise, movement, or visual cue).
2. This information travels to your amygdala, which acts as your brain’s alarm system.
3. The amygdala triggers your hypothalamus, which sends signals to your body, activating the sympathetic nervous system.
4. Stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol flood your system, speeding up your heart rate, sharpening your senses, and priming your muscles for action.

The entire process happens in an instant, so fast that your logical response would take too long to weigh in.

What Is an Amygdala Hijack?

Sometimes, your amygdala reacts so strongly and quickly that it takes over, bypassing the logical part of your brain (the cortex). This is called an amygdala hijack, and it’s why you might overreact in situations that aren’t actually dangerous.

Consider what happens if you walk into a dimly lit room and spot a dark shape on the wall. Before you can think, your body floods with adrenaline, convinced it’s a spider. Your heart races, your palms sweat, and you feel a wave of fear—only to realize a moment later that it’s just a smudge on the wall.

Or imagine driving at night and seeing a shadow dart across the road. You slam on the brakes, your chest tightens, and your hands grip the wheel, only to realize it was just a branch blowing in the wind.

In both cases, the amygdala hijack occurs and it prioritizes your safety over accuracy. While it can feel frustrating, this response evolved to protect you in life-or-death situations.

The Role of the Amygdala

The amygdala acts like your brain’s security system, always on the lookout for potential danger. It plays a crucial role in brain function, particularly in processing emotions and initiating survival responses.

Located in the temporal lobe, the amygdala detects potential threats, such as a sudden movement or a loud noise, and sends an emergency alert to prepare your body for action.

This process begins with your senses picking up the potential threat and sending the information to the thalamus, a relay station in your brain.

From there, the thalamus quickly passes the information to the amygdala, which processes it much faster than your thinking brain, the cortex.

The amygdala then activates your sympathetic nervous system, triggering the release of stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol. These hormones speed up your heart rate, heighten your senses, and prepare your muscles for fight, flight, or freeze.

All of this happens in milliseconds, often before your logical brain has even had time to catch up.

When the Fight or Flight Response Overreacts

In our modern world, real physical dangers like wild animals are pretty rare occurrences. But your brain doesn’t always know that.

Your brain can’t tell the difference between a looming deadline or an awkward conversation and an actual life-threatening situation. This is why your fight-or-flight response can sometimes feel overwhelming or unnecessary.

If your amygdala is triggered too often, it can lead to chronic stress or anxiety, keeping your body in a heightened state of alert. Recognizing when this happens is the first step to managing it.

How to Calm an Amygdala Hijack

When you realize an amygdala hijack in your response, try the following strategies:

Deep Breathing: Slow, deep breaths can help calm your nervous system, making sure you are letting your brain and body know that you are not in immediate danger.

Mindfulness: Focusing on the present moment can help re-engage your cortex, allowing you to think more clearly.

Challenge Your Thoughts: Ask yourself, “Is this really dangerous, or is my brain overreacting?”

Progressive Relaxation: Tensing and releasing your muscles can reduce physical tension and help your body reset.

Key Takeaways

The fight or flight response is an incredible survival tool, and the amygdala is at the heart of it. While it’s designed to keep you safe, it doesn’t always get it right.

So, the next time you find yourself jumping at a shadow or feeling overwhelmed by stress, remember: your brain’s just trying to protect you. And with the right tools, you can guide it back to calm.

At Get Reconnected Psychotherapy Services, we specialize in anxiety and stress management. We take a trauma-informed approach to our treatment planning. Book a free 15-minute consultation so we can discuss how we can help.

source https://getreconnected.ca/fight-or-flight-response-explained-how-your-brains-alarm-system-works/

November 2024 Get Reconnected Newsletter – Insights on Relationships

As humans, relationships are at the heart of everything we do. Whether it’s with a co-worker, family member, significant other, or even your pet, we’re always in some kind of connection. Sometimes these relationships feel easy and natural, and other times they’re complicated and leave us wondering, “Why is this so hard?”

 

This month, we’re looking at attachment styles—the “relationship blueprint” we all develop early in life that influences how we connect with others, how we see ourselves, and how we respond to the people around us.

Understanding Attachment Styles: What They Are and Why They Matter

Did you know that the way we connect with others often comes from patterns we develop as children? These patterns, called attachment styles, shape how we navigate relationships as adults—whether we feel secure, anxious, or avoid getting too close.

This blog explores the four attachment styles: secure and insecure (anxious, avoidant, and disorganized). Secure attachment means feeling comfortable with trust and closeness. Anxious attachment often involves fear of abandonment and a need for reassurance, while avoidant types tend to distance themselves when things get too close. Disorganized attachment combines anxious and avoidant behaviors.

Why is this important? Understanding your attachment style can help explain your relationship patterns and guide you toward healthier connections. It’s not just about improving your relationships—it can also strengthen how you interact with friends, family, and coworkers.

Read the Blog Here

Insecure Attachment and Love Addiction

Have you ever felt overly attached to someone or craved constant reassurance in a relationship? Research suggests that insecure attachment styles, particularly anxious attachment, might increase the risk of something called love addiction. This happens when someone becomes overly dependent on their partner, constantly seeking validation or fearing abandonment.

 

Researchers explored how people with insecure attachment struggle with obsessive behaviors in romantic relationships. They found that anxious attachment (where someone constantly worries about being left or feels “not good enough”) can lead to an unhealthy preoccupation with a partner. The study emphasizes that individuals with an anxious attachment style experience fear of rejection and a deep need for emotional closeness, which correlates with love addiction.

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The Relationship Between Partner Phubbing and Life Satisfaction: The Mediating Role of Relationship Satisfaction

Have you ever been mid-conversation with someone, only for them to glance at their phone? That’s called phubbing—short for “phone snubbing”—and it’s becoming more common in relationships. According to a recent study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, phubbing can take a serious toll on romantic partnerships. The study found that when one partner is too focused on their phone, it can lead to feelings of being ignored, lower relationship satisfaction, and even arguments. And this can become even more challenging if one of the partners has an anxious attachment style as they are particularly sensitive to signs of disconnection and being ignored in favor of a device can feel like rejection or abandonment. This triggers heightened anxiety, a stronger need for reassurance, and often leads to conflict.

 

Why is this important? Because when we’re distracted by technology, we’re not fully present with the people we care about. How often do you find yourself doing this?

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source https://getreconnected.ca/november-2024-get-reconnected-newsletter-insights-on-relationships/

Perfectionism and Burnout: Breaking the Cycle

The Perfectionism-Burnout Connection

Do you ever catch yourself thinking that working harder automatically means you’re doing really well? Societal and cultural expectations often ingrain this message in the way school systems, work places and institutions operate. Studies have shown that a little stress can sometimes help you stay focused and get things done. But if it gets to be too much, it can backfire, making it harder to think clearly and get through your day.
Perfectionism is the inner voice and set of beliefs that tells you nothing you do is ever quite good enough. It makes you feel like you have to work harder, stay up longer, and obsess over every little detail, even when it’s not necessary.
While that can lead to impressive accomplishments, it also lays the perfect groundwork for burnout. It’s really a gamble between your long term health and the possibility of getting the result you want.
Burnout, on the other hand, is a deep exhaustion—emotional, mental, and sometimes physical—that makes even the simplest tasks feel impossible (to learn more about burnout, check out other posts here). For perfectionists, this can creep in slowly, masked by productivity and ambition, until one day, you’re running on empty. It can be a toll on our mental health that many of us can’t afford.
Chasing an impossible ideal doesn’t just wear you out—it pulls you away from what truly matters, like joy, creativity, and self-compassion.
So where do we begin? Let’s start with identifying the traits of perfectionism and burnout.

What is Perfectionism?

Perfectionism is more than just wanting things to be perfect. It is the relentless pursuit of perfection, often accompanied by a critical inner voice. While setting high standards can be healthy, perfectionism takes it to an extreme. It’s not about growth (which is nonlinear and messy) or improvement but about avoiding mistakes, failure, and the uncomfortable feelings that come with them, like shame and embarrassment.

At its core, perfectionism is about being afraid to fail. But it’s not just the failure itself that’s scary. For many perfectionists, failing feels like proof that you’re not good enough. It’s tied to a deeper fear of shame, which can be even harder to handle than disappointment or frustration.

Perfectionists often share traits like fear of failure, a need for control, and a constant drive to meet impossibly high expectations. Underneath it all is a deep belief that worthiness hinges on achievement—if you do more, and do it perfectly, then maybe you’ll feel “enough.”

There are different flavours of perfectionism, too. Self-oriented perfectionism turns the pressure inward, demanding perfection from your own personal standards.

Socially prescribed perfectionism stems from external expectations—feeling like you have to meet others’ high standards to gain approval. Maladaptive perfectionism traps individuals in a cycle of stress, anxiety, and self-criticism, making it difficult to find balance or fulfillment.

When your self-worth feels tied to your success or striving for the perfect image, it’s hard to step off the treadmill—even when it’s running you into the ground. Perfectionism keeps us in a cycle of impossible goals, dissatisfaction even when you succeed, and behaviours that keep you striving, like overworking or harsh self-talk.

And being insidiously run into the ground is often what happens when those striving for perfection encounter burnout.

Understanding Burnout

Burnout is more than just feeling overworked—it’s a state of chronic physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion that leaves you running on empty. It often starts subtly, with mounting stress or frustration, and can spiral through stages like over-commitment, neglecting self-care, and eventually complete exhaustion and detachment. (Freudenberger’s 12 stages map this slippery slope in detail.)

Common signs of burnout include:

• Constant fatigue, even after rest
• Lack of motivation or enthusiasm for work
• Increased irritability or impatience
• Struggling to focus or reduced productivity
• A sense of detachment or cynicism about your work
• Being in denial of problems and consistent frustration that things are not flowing smoothly

Burnout thrives on a mix of external stress, like working in a high-pressure environment, and internal factors, like negative self-talk or unhelpful coping habits (hello, doom-scrolling or skipping meals).

If you can’t find time to recharge—physically, mentally, or emotionally—it’s hard to break free from burnout’s grip.

Recognizing the signs early and giving yourself permission to rest is key to reversing the cycle.

Perfectionism-Induced Burnout

Perfectionism has a sneaky way of keeping you under constant pressure. By setting unattainable goals, it traps you in a loop of “not good enough,” where the finish line is always moving. Instead of celebrating progress, perfectionists often focus on what’s missing, which can leave them feeling like they’re forever playing catch-up.

Fear of failure adds fuel to the fire. Perfectionists may struggle to delegate, worried that someone else won’t meet their high standards. Mistakes—or even the possibility of mistakes or being seen as not good enough to do it on your own—can trigger intense anxiety and self-criticism, making it hard to trust yourself or others.

This pressure to “do it all” often leads to overworking and neglecting self-care. Breaks feel indulgent, and relaxation? Forget it—it’s all about pushing harder to meet those ever-rising expectations. Personal well-being takes a backseat to productivity, leaving little room for rest, joy, or connection.

The harder you push the more depleted you become, until burnout takes hold.

And the irony? Perfectionism promises success but often delivers the opposite: a drained, disconnected version of yourself struggling to keep up. In other words, even if you succeed you won’t feel like celebrating; there isn’t a proper conclusion to your work, leading you right back into the grind.

Identifying When Perfectionism is Becoming Harmful

At its best, perfectionism can motivate you to strive for excellence. But when it starts to overshadow your well-being, it’s a sign something’s off.

Warning signs include irritability, procrastination (ironically, from fear of not doing something “right”), and a lack of joy in your accomplishments. Instead of feeling proud when you achieve something, you might just move the goalpost and keep running.

To check in with yourself, try this quick reflection exercise. Answer these yes or no questions honestly:

• Are you constantly pushing yourself to achieve more, even when it leaves you drained?
• Do you feel anxious or uneasy if you don’t meet your own expectations?
• When you achieve a goal, do you immediately raise the bar before even processing or reflecting on the success?
• Do others think your standards are too high, or have they told you so?
• Do you feel like a failure or harshly criticize yourself when you fall short?
• Do you spend a lot of time comparing yourself to others or rechecking your work?
• Do you avoid tasks or postpone them out of fear they won’t be perfect?
• Are you more focused on what you haven’t done than what you have accomplished?
• Does meeting your goals leave you feeling exhausted or overwhelmed?
• Do you prioritize productivity over rest, relationships, or having fun?
• Do you feel your worth is tied to your achievements?

If you answered “yes” to many of these, perfectionism might be taking a toll on your mental health. It’s important to recognize whether your habits are helping you grow—or holding you back.

Speaking with a mental health professional could help you to identify your patterns, set realistic goals and help address the root causes of the perfectionistic tendencies.

Breaking the Cycle: Practical Strategies for Perfectionism and Burnout

Breaking free from perfectionism and burnout starts with a radical shift: learning to treat yourself with kindness. Self-compassion means giving yourself grace, especially when you stumble. Remind yourself that mistakes and imperfection are part of being human—not proof of failure. Try speaking to yourself as you would a friend, offer reassurance instead of criticism when things don’t go as planned.

Next, focus on setting realistic goals and boundaries. Ask yourself: What’s truly achievable right now? It’s okay to aim high, but make sure your standards are grounded in reality. And don’t forget boundaries—knowing when to step back or say no is key to preserving your energy and mental health.

When perfectionistic thoughts creep in, challenge them with a dose of curiosity. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) techniques can help you reframe unhelpful beliefs. For example, if you think, “If it’s not perfect, I’ve failed”, try asking, “Is that really true? What would I say to a friend in this situation?”. Over time, reframing these thoughts can create space for more balanced, compassionate perspectives.

Finally, prioritize self-care and rest. It’s not a luxury—it’s essential. Build time into your day for relaxation, hobbies, or activities that bring you joy. Sleep is a foundation of resilience, so don’t underestimate its importance.

Giving yourself permission to rest isn’t laziness—it’s what allows you to show up as your best, most sustainable self.

By embracing self-compassion, setting boundaries, reframing perfectionistic thoughts, and making time for self-care, you can begin to break the cycle of stress and exhaustion—and start living with more balance.

Takeaways: Focusing on Balance Over Perfection

Perfectionistic tendencies might promise success, but it often comes at a steep cost to your well-being. The key isn’t to abandon your ambitions but to balance them with self-compassion, realistic goals, and rest. When you shift your focus from being flawless to being fulfilled, you create space for joy, growth, and a life that feels good to live.

Remember, your worth isn’t tied to how much you achieve or how perfectly you perform. It’s found in the moments you allow yourself to be human—in the imperfections that make you relatable, resilient, and real. Choosing balance over perfection isn’t just healthier; it’s the ultimate act of self-respect.

At Get Reconnected Psychotherapy Services, we specialize in recovery from burnout and perfectionism. Book a free 15-minute consultation to discover how therapy can help us to rewire perfectionistic patterns and bring more aliveness and joy into your life!

source https://getreconnected.ca/perfectionism-burnout-connection/