Dating With a Father Wound: Why You Might Chase the Emotionally Unavailable Partner

Have you ever found yourself drawn to a partner who is emotionally unavailable? The one who seems present but never fully engages in true emotional connection? The one who is hard to read, hot and cold, or emotionally distant, and yet somehow, you feel a magnetic pull toward them?

Table of Contents

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• Understanding Emotional Unavailability
  • What Does It Mean to Be Emotionally Unavailable?
  • Emotionally unavailable partners may:
  • Signs of an Emotionally Unavailable Partner
• Father Wound and Its Effects
  • What is the Father Wound?
  • Examples of How It Develops:
  • How the Father Wound Creates Emotional Patterns
  • You might find yourself:
• The Impact of Chasing Emotionally Unavailable Partners
  • Why We Are Drawn to Emotionally Unavailable People
  • Consequences on Intimacy and Relationships
  • Here’s what tends to happen:
  • Recognizing the Cycle of Emotional Unavailability
• Overcoming Emotional Unavailability in Relationships
  • Steps to Recognize and Address Defensiveness
  • How to Start Addressing It:
• 5 Strategies For Healthy Relationships
• How to Become More Emotionally Available
  • Ways to Start Opening Up:
• Key TakeAways
• Looking for Support?

A relationship with someone emotionally unavailable can leave you feeling like something is always out of reach. It might feel like you’re stuck in a cycle of hoping, waiting, and being disappointed. If so, you’re not alone.
Many people unknowingly chase emotionally unavailable partners, caught between longing for intimacy and closeness and feeling a hurtful distance.

What makes this pattern so frustrating is that, logically, you know you deserve more. Yet emotionally, you might feel like you’re stuck in a loop you can’t explain.

Often, the roots of this cycle lie far deeper than the present moment, tied to childhood experiences in your family of origin, particularly your relationship with your father or primary male caregiver.

In this post, we’ll unpack what it means to date an emotionally unavailable partner, how the father wound contributes to these patterns, and most importantly, how to begin breaking free.

Understanding Emotional Unavailability

What Does It Mean to Be Emotionally Unavailable?

Have you ever felt irresistibly drawn to partners who keep you at arm’s length? Hot and cold, inconsistent, or emotionally distant?

Someone who is emotionally unavailable person struggles to connect on a deeper emotional level in relationships. They might avoid vulnerability, emotional intimacy, have difficulty expressing their feelings, or maintain a safe emotional distance from their partner. The partner may be emotionally unavailable because of their own unprocessed childhood experiences or learned defenses.

Emotional unavailability isn’t always intentional. In fact, for many people, it’s a learned survival strategy rooted in their own past wounds. Emotionally unavailable people don’t necessarily want to hurt you. They simply stay emotionally distant to protect themselves.

Research shows that unresolved childhood attachment wounds often echo in our adult relationships.
The tricky part about spotting this early on is that some emotionally unavailable people appear charming, attentive, and even affectionate at first.

But as the relationship deepens, you may notice a growing emotional distance, avoidance of serious conversations, or discomfort with intimacy and commitment.

According to Bowlby’s attachment theory, these early relational patterns often repeat in adulthood.

Emotionally unavailable partners may:

• Avoid discussing personal feelings
• Give mixed signals about commitment
• Minimize or deflect serious conversations
• Make you feel lonely or anxious even when together

Signs of an Emotionally Unavailable Partner

Not sure if your partner is emotionally unavailable? Here are 7 common signs to look out for:

• They avoid discussing feelings or personal issues.
• Conversations stay surface-level, even after months of dating.
• They often give mixed signals, showing interest one day and pulling away the next.
• Your partner may be emotionally unavailable if commitment feels impossible or comes with constant excuses.
• They make everything into a joke or avoid the conversation when things get serious.
• You frequently feel lonely, anxious, or unsure of where you stand.
• You leave the relationship feeling emotionally drained or uncertain.
• They’re uncomfortable with vulnerability or showing vulnerability feels like a sign of weakness to them.

Father Wound and Its Effects

What is the Father Wound?

I often talk to clients (and honestly, have reflected on this in my own life too) about something called the father wound. When your partner seems distant or inconsistent, you may be reliving those early childhood experiences that taught you love was conditional.

A father wound refers to the emotional pain from growing up with a father who was absent, critical, unpredictable, inconsistent, or emotionally distant.

This would often shape the belief that love must be earned or that connection will always feel unsafe.

And it’s not always as obvious as you’d think. Sometimes your dad was physically there but emotionally unavailable, or maybe loving one day and cold the next.

Examples of How It Develops:

This wound can happen in so many different ways, like:

• A father leaving through divorce, abandonment, or death.
• A dad who was physically present but emotionally closed off, never asking how you felt or what you needed.
• A father who was emotionally immature, making you feel like you had to tiptoe around his moods.

And here’s the thing, as kids, we’re wired to crave connection with our caregivers.

When those emotional needs aren’t met, we don’t stop needing them.

Instead, we start internalizing beliefs like “I’m not lovable”, “I have to work for love”, or “People always leave.”

And those beliefs don’t just stay in childhood. They quietly come with us into our adult relationships..]

Recent research confirms that insecure attachments in childhood predict difficulties with trust and intimacy in adult romantic relationships.

How the Father Wound Creates Emotional Patterns

Unhealed father wounds can shape the way we navigate love and emotional connection in ways we might not even realize.

If this feels familiar to you, you might be shut down emotionally in some relationships while anxiously chasing others. You might be dealing with an old pattern that keeps you stuck with someone emotionally unavailable.

Know you’re not alone, it’s something I see so often in the therapy room and conversations with friends.

You might find yourself:

• Chasing emotionally unavailable people, hoping to finally feel chosen.
• Fearing Abandonment – Feeling terrified someone will leave you the moment you get close.
• Confusing unpredictability and emotional highs and lows with passion or love – Mistaking anxiety for connection.
• Believing you’re somehow unworthy of stable, healthy, reliable love.
• Becoming overly anxious, clingy, or self-sacrificing to hold onto someone.
• Pulling away or sabotaging relationships when they start feeling too good, because deep down it feels unsafe or unfamiliar.

It’s not your fault if you’ve found yourself in these patterns.

You didn’t consciously choose partners who couldn’t meet your needs, you unconsciously gravitated toward dynamics that felt familiar, hoping that this time it might turn out differently.

It’s a really human thing to do when you’re carrying an old wound you didn’t ask for.

According to attachment theory, these patterns are often adaptive responses to inconsistent caregiving.

The Impact of Chasing Emotionally Unavailable Partners

Why We Are Drawn to Emotionally Unavailable People

I want to be honest with you, this is one of those patterns that feels confusing because logically, you know better. You might tell yourself, “I deserve someone who chooses me,” but then find yourself drawn to the exact kind of person who won’t. I say this without judgment because I’ve been there too, and so have so many of my clients.

What’s happening beneath the surface is that your nervous system is wired to associate love with uncertainty. If your husband or partner feels distant, it might trigger familiar feelings from the past. That sense of unpredictability can feel like passion, even if deep down you know something is missing.

If love in your childhood felt unpredictable, conditional, or came with strings attached, then relationships where love feels just out of reach might actually feel familiar, even if they aren’t healthy. That familiarity can feel a lot like chemistry or passion.

It is important for me to point out, this isn’t you sabotaging yourself for no reason. It’s not because you’re weak or broken or don’t want to be happy. It’s because a part of you, likely your younger self or ‘inner child’, is still trying to earn the love and validation you needed back then. That inner child hopes that if you can just make this emotionally distant partner finally choose you, it’ll rewrite the story of not being chosen before.

But chasing someone who’s emotionally unavailable is exhausting. It can leave you second-guessing yourself, overanalyzing every text, every interaction, and bending yourself in half trying to become what you think they’ll want, and it still won’t be enough, not because you’re lacking, but because they’re not available to receive it.

Consequences on Intimacy and Relationships

When you’re stuck in this dynamic, it can quietly drain you in ways you might not even realize right away. Over time, a relationship with an emotionally unavailable partner can leave you feeling anxious, disconnected, or unworthy of love.

Here’s what tends to happen:

• You may live in a constant state of uncertainty and anxiety, wondering where you stand.
• You over-function in the relationship, overextending yourself emotionally while your partner stays distant.
• You minimize your needs or suppress your feelings, terrified of being “too much” or scaring them off.
• When things fall apart, you blame yourself: “Maybe I was asking for too much” or “If I had been cooler, more low-maintenance, maybe they’d have stayed.”
• And then comes the grief. Not just over losing them, but over the part of you that keeps hoping this time will be different.

I’ve spoken to so many people (and honestly, I’ve felt this too) who describe chasing crumbs of attention, trying to prove their worth, and carrying this deep ache inside because no matter what they did, it was never enough. And when you grow up on crumbs, a crumb can feel like a feast.

But it isn’t. And you deserve so much more than crumbs.

Recognizing the Cycle of Emotional Unavailability

So how do you know if you’re caught in this pattern? If you might feel like you’re always proving your worth or chasing validation, your partner’s emotional unavailability could be recreating your earliest relational wounds.

Sometimes it can be so familiar, so ingrained, that it feels normal. But here are some signs you might be stuck in this loop:

• You’re magnetically drawn to emotionally unavailable people. They might feel exciting, intriguing, like a mystery you’re desperate to solve.
• People who show up consistently and express clear interest in you feel boring, or you find yourself doubting their sincerity.
• You make excuses for partners who ghost, pull away, or avoid emotional conversations.
  “They’re just stressed.”
  “They had a tough childhood.”
  “They’re not good at expressing feelings.”
• You suppress your own needs because you don’t want to risk being abandoned.
• When you try to open up emotionally, you either get shut down or it sends your partner running, reinforcing the belief that you’re “too much.”

And here’s a hard truth I had to come to terms with myself: when you keep choosing people who can’t meet your emotional needs, it’s usually not about them. It’s about an old wound you’re unconsciously trying to heal.

Overcoming Emotional Unavailability in Relationships

So, what do you actually do when you start to realize you’ve been caught in this cycle? When you notice you’re either chasing emotionally unavailable people, shutting down your own emotions, or finding yourself stuck between craving closeness and being terrified of it at the same time?

The good news is, awareness is where real change starts. Once you can see the pattern, you’re no longer at its control.

It doesn’t mean it’ll disappear overnight (spoiler: it won’t), but it means you can start responding differently, even in small ways that will eventually shift everything.

Steps to Recognize and Address Defensiveness

Let’s be honest, when we’ve spent years protecting ourselves emotionally, it can be tough to even notice when we’re shutting down, avoiding vulnerability, or pushing people away.

Emotional defensiveness often looks like:

• Changing the subject when things get serious
• Downplaying your feelings with humour
• Avoiding eye contact or brushing off compliments
• Getting uncomfortable when someone expresses care, affection, or concern
• Convincing yourself you don’t need anyone, even when you desperately crave connection

If you’re nodding along, you’re not alone. I’ve caught myself doing this too, even after years of inner work. It’s natural to want to protect the parts of you that were hurt before.

How to Start Addressing It:

• Pay attention to moments when you feel uncomfortable with closeness. What’s happening in your body? Are you clenching your jaw, avoiding eye contact, changing the topic?
• Notice your inner dialogue at that moment. Are you thinking, “This is too much,” or “I shouldn’t need this” when someone gets emotionally close?
• Practice pausing before reacting. If you notice yourself getting defensive, you don’t have to immediately fix it, just name it internally: “I’m feeling defensive right now.” That awareness alone starts to soften the response.

And remember – defensiveness isn’t a flaw; it’s a protector part of you trying to keep you safe. You don’t need to fight it, just get curious about it!

You might also explore using the SAFE Model—Self-Awareness, Acceptance, Framework of Needs, Empowered Choices—as a guide to work through these defenses.

5 Strategies For Healthy Relationships

Once you start noticing your patterns, the next step is learning how to create healthier, more emotionally safe connections, both with yourself and with others.

This may mean having to tell your partner what you need, even if it feels vulnerable, or talking to a therapist to explore your childhood experiences and relational wounds.

Here are some strategies I often recommend to my clients:

• Get clear on your needs
  So many of us grew up learning to suppress what we wanted, so when someone asks “What do you need right now?” it can be surprisingly hard to answer. Start by checking in with yourself regularly: Am I craving connection, reassurance, space, validation?
• Normalize expressing those needs
  It might feel terrifying at first, but saying things like “I’m feeling anxious right now and need a little reassurance” or “I’d love to hear how you’re feeling about us” opens the door for emotional closeness.
• Set boundaries with emotionally unavailable people
  If you’re dating someone who constantly leaves you guessing, it’s okay to say, “I’m noticing I feel anxious not knowing where I stand. I need clarity and consistency in order to feel safe in a relationship.” If they can’t meet that, it tells you everything you need to know.
• Stop romanticizing inconsistency
  I know the emotional rollercoaster can feel addictive, but healthy love is steady, not boring. Pay attention to how your nervous system responds to calm, consistent care. It might feel unfamiliar, but it’s what you deserve.
• Cultivate friendships and community that model emotional safety
  Surround yourself with people who are emotionally available and who meet you where you are. It makes a huge difference in what you start to accept as normal.

How to Become More Emotionally Available

Sometimes, what can happen is, after years of chasing emotionally unavailable people, we ourselves become emotionally unavailable. It’s a survival response. You might keep people at a distance, fear vulnerability, or tell yourself you’re fine alone because getting too close feels risky.

Ways to Start Opening Up:

• Let yourself feel what you feel, without judgment
  Notice when you’re sad, anxious, hurt, or excited, and practice just sitting with those emotions instead of immediately distracting yourself or rationalizing them away.
• Take small risks with safe people
  You don’t have to pour your heart out on a first date or tell your life story to a new friend. Start by sharing small pieces of yourself (your fears, your hopes, the things that matter to you).
• Practice staying present when things get emotionally intense
  Instead of mentally checking out or numbing when conversations get deep, notice your body’s signals (clenched jaw, racing heart, urge to change the subject) and gently breathe through it. It’s okay to be uncomfortable, you’ll slowly build your tolerance for vulnerability.
• Revisit your inner child
  The part of you that fears closeness or believes love is earned was likely formed in childhood. Spend time reconnecting with them through inner child journaling, visualization, or therapy.
• Explore earned secure attachment
  Even if you didn’t grow up with secure relationships, you can develop earned secure attachment in adulthood through healing, self-awareness, and consistent, emotionally safe connections. It’s a process, not an overnight shift, but it’s absolutely possible.

Key TakeAways

If you’ve made it this far, I just want to take a second to tell you, I’m proud of you. I know how hard it can be to face these patterns and admit to yourself that something isn’t working. It takes so much courage to get honest about the ways we’ve been protecting ourselves and the wounds we’ve carried quietly for years. You don’t have to have it all figured out right now. Healing happens in small ways, like when you pause, notice, and choose to try something different.

Looking for Support?

If you’re sitting with all of this and thinking, “Okay… but where do I even start?”, you don’t have to do it alone.
This is exactly the kind of work I help my clients with in therapy: unpacking old patterns, understanding where they came from, and learning how to build healthier, safer connections.

If this blog felt like it spoke to your heart, book a free 15-minute consultation with me so we can talk about your struggles and how I can be of support to you.

source https://getreconnected.ca/why-choosing-emotionally-unavailable-partner/

June 2025 Get Reconnected Newsletter – Accessibility and Mental Health

At Get Reconnected, we believe mental health support should be within reach for everyone. This month, we’re sharing a few updates that reflect this commitment—partnerships, new team members, and the ways we’re making care more accessible.

A New Collaboration: Partnering with Mimico Medical

We’re pleased to announce our partnership with Mimico Medical. This collaboration will make it easier for clients to connect with psychotherapy services right from their family doctor’s office.

By working together, we can reduce wait times, improve continuity of care, and help people access the right support sooner.
If you’d like to learn more or explore how this partnership might fit your needs, feel free to contact us.

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Meet Katayon: New Intern Therapist In Our Affordable Therapy Program

We also want to introduce Katayon Qahir, our newest student intern. She joined Get Reconnected through our affordable therapy program, which offers virtual low-cost sessions to anyone living in Ontario. Our Affordable Therapy Program aims to remove the barrier to accessible mental health care to those in need but that are also struggling financially and can’t afford to pay the average psychotherapist fees.

Katayon brings warmth and curiosity to her work, along with training that focuses on trauma-informed care and relational therapy. If you’re thinking about starting therapy and want an option that fits your budget, sessions with Katayon may be a good place to start.

Katayon addresses the following concerns:

• Attachment and Childhood trauma
• Anxiety
• Depression
• Narcissistic Abuse
• Self-worth/Self-criticism/Self-Esteem
• Stress Management
• Boundaries/Communication
• Emotions
• Changing Problematic Habits/Behaviours

Book a free 15-minute consultation with Katayon here.

source https://getreconnected.ca/june-2025-get-reconnected-newsletter-accessibility-and-mental-health/

Fertility Anxiety: Coping Strategies for Real Struggles

You’ve probably read every article, joined many online forums, and cried in spaces where no one can hear you.

The pain of not being able to conceive isn’t just physical or medical, it’s very emotional.

The fertility journey brings unique challenges that can create significant psychological stress and emotional distress.

If you’re here, you already know what stress and anxiety tied to infertility feels like: the creeping dread each month, the emotional whiplash of hope and heartbreak, the guilt, and the silent comparisons. The highs and lows of trying to conceive can feel overwhelming, especially when dealing with fertility struggles that seem beyond your control.

This blog isn’t going to tell you to “just relax” or suggest that relaxation alone will solve your fertility challenges.

Instead, it will help you process grief and provide practical coping mechanisms for moving forward on your fertility journey.

About The Author

Delia Petrescu is a licensed reproductive trauma therapist (RP), specializing in infertility and pregnancy loss. You can find more about her work here and here.

What Is Fertility Anxiety?

Fertility anxiety represents a significant emotional toll for many people struggling to conceive.

If you’re coping with fertility-related stress and anxiety, know that this is typical when dealing with fertility issues.

Studies indicate that women experiencing infertility may face similar levels of stress, anxiety and depression as those battling serious health conditions.

This highlights the profound emotional impact of infertility on your mental health.

The psychological stress doesn’t just affect your mood, it can create mood swings, irritability, and feelings of grief that amplify the challenges you’re already facing.

It’s important to remember that psychological stress alone doesn’t cause infertility. Fertility issues often stem from age-related factors and underlying physical conditions.

While stress and anxiety doesn’t cause infertility, infertility can create significant emotional distress, creating a cycle that can be hard to break without appropriate emotional support.

Quick Coping Toolkits

• Download our printable “Daily Grounding Routine” checklist
• Try the “5-minute Fertility Journal Template” to process emotions
• Use our “Trigger Tracker” worksheet to name and defuse emotional landmine

The invisible Weight of Fertility Anxiety: Understanding The Effects of Infertility

Infertility anxiety doesn’t sit neatly in a diagnostic manual. It often mimics grief, depression and anxiety, and trauma.

It’s waking up wondering if this will be the cycle that works, and going to bed fearing it won’t.

It’s seeing your life plan pause while others continue, dealing with societal pressures and doctor’s appointments that can become a significant stressor in your life.

We often refer to this as ambiguous loss and grief because we’re grieving for something that was never tangible, but felt really real, nonetheless.

The baby you envisioned, the names you whispered to yourself, the future that feels like it’s slipping.

You’re not imagining the pain. It’s real, valid, and deserves attention.

Unlike other losses, the grief of infertility can be isolating because it is invisible and may not follow traditional patterns of mourning. Many people cope differently with these feelings of grief.

Depression and anxiety often accompany fertility struggles. Infertility depression can manifest in many ways, from persistent sadness and hopelessness to loss of interest in activities.

Some individuals experience a constant state of anticipation and disappointment, riding an emotional roller coaster with each menstrual cycle and ovulation cycles, treatment attempt, or pregnancy test result.

And if you’re dealing with recurrent pregnancy loss or when treatments don’t work, the impact of infertility can be more complex and can resemble post-traumatic stress disorder. Many people feel as though their body has betrayed them or that they’ve failed at something that seems natural to others.

The longer infertility treatments continue, the greater their emotional impact becomes. Hope and determination can gradually shift to exhaustion if not addressed. I want you to know that these emotional patterns are normal responses.

Manage Stress: What Helps (and What Doesn’t) When You’re in The Stress of Infertility

You’ve probably heard it all: “Try not to stress”, “Go on a vacation”, “It’ll happen when you least expect it.”

These statements can feel dismissive, especially when stress hormones are already elevated. Here’s what actually helps when infertility treatments aren’t providing the results you hope for:

Proven Coping Mechanisms for Fertility Anxiety Relief

Learning how to cope with infertility requires addressing both the emotional and physical aspects of the journey.

When treatments don’t always work as expected, it’s crucial to have strategies in place.

The first step is about learning the typical responses. Feelings of grief, sadness, anger, and frustration are common reactions when struggling to conceive.

1. Allow Yourself to Grieve

It’s okay to grieve every failed cycle, every negative test. You don’t need to be hopeful all the time. In fact, allowing space for sadness is crucial when dealing with the emotional toll of fertility challenges.

Use journaling to give shape to your feelings and express your feelings fully. Try expressive writing: set a timer for 10 minutes and write whatever comes, even if it’s messy or angry.

This practice can help you process grief in a healthy way.

2. Distancing From Your Thoughts

Rather than challenging your anxious thoughts, learn to observe them. When the thought “I might never be a parent” comes up, try saying, “I’m having the thought that I might never be a parent.”

This simple shift separates you from your thoughts and can help manage stress.

3. Name Your Triggers

Is it the doctor’s waiting room? Doctor’s appointments? Social media pregnancy announcements? The well-meaning friend who keeps asking? Write them down. Awareness helps you prepare emotionally.

4. Regulate, Don’t Eliminate, Emotions

You don’t have to shut down your sadness or erase your envy. Instead, learn to ride the wave of depression and anxiety.

Try grounding techniques like deep breathing and the 5-4-3-2-1 method (five things you see, four you feel, three you hear …) to anchor yourself during spirals.

Deep breathing exercises can help regulate stress hormones as it alerts your body that there is no immediate threat and the parasympathetic nervous system (in charge with rest and digestion) takes over.

Fertility Support Groups: Not Just for Sharing, But For Healing

You may wonder if a support group is right for you. The truth?

These spaces offer a mirror and a balm. You hear your story in someone else’s voice. You say aloud things you didn’t realize you needed to say. It helps you express your feelings in a safe environment.

Look for:

• Groups led by therapists who specialize in reproductive mental health
• Online forums with active moderation and safety rules
• Local meetups vetted by fertility clinics.

You might not walk away with a solution. But you will walk away feeling less alone, and sometimes, that’s enough to get through the day.

The power of peer emotional support is significant. Surrounded by others who have walked similar paths on their fertility journey, you gain access to practical wisdom not found in medical textbooks.

Group members share coping mechanisms, warn about pitfalls, and offer encouragement when treatments don’t go as planned.

Fertility Therapy: A Place to Be Unfiltered When Trying to Get Pregnant

Therapists trained in infertility know the unique heartbreak you’re facing. They’re not going to tell you to “just be positive”.

Instead, they’ll hold space for your fear, help you navigate decisions (like when to stop treatment or consider alternatives like assisted reproductive technology), and support your relationship, which might be strained by the pressure.

Therapy Techniques That Help During Infertility

Some modalities to consider:

• Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) to reframe spiralling thoughts. A 2021 meta-analysis found CBT significantly reduced psychological distress and even improved in vitro fertilization (IVF) outcomes.
• Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) for trauma after miscarriages or failed IVF.
• Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) to address the stress and anxiety. Clinical trials confirm that 8-week mindfulness programs significantly reduce stress and depressive symptoms in women undergoing fertility treatment.
• Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART) to process distressing memories and reproductive trauma by using eye movements and guided imagery.

A recent trial found that CBT and EMDR techniques significantly reduced psychological distress in women undergoing infertility treatment, helping them better cope with the emotional burden.

An 8‑week mindfulness-based program for infertile women demonstrated significant reductions in stress and depressive symptoms, and improvements in general well‑being compared to control groups

Rebuilding Yourself Beyond the Fertility Timeline

You are more than this struggle. Fertility treatments may feel like they define your life right now, but they don’t define you.

Try reclaiming parts of your identity that have nothing to do with this journey:

• Rekindle hobbies that felt good before.
• Volunteer or engage with causes that offer a sense of impact.
• Set boundaries with people who minimize your pain.

If you’re struggling today, download the Daily Grounding Routine or reach out for a free 15-minute consultation. You don’t have to navigate this alone. I’m in your corner.

Remember: hope doesn’t mean denying your pain. It means choosing to keep going, even when the path is uncertain and you’re navigating the highs and lows.

You Deserve Support

Fertility anxiety isn’t a weakness. It’s a human response to something deeply unfair. You deserve compassion, not just from others but from yourself. Therapy, support groups, and intentional self-care aren’t luxuries, they’re lifelines.

Stress alone doesn’t define your journey, and there are many ways to cope differently with the challenges you’re facing.
I’m a fertility and reproductive trauma therapist. I know firsthand the challenges of trying to conceive, undergoing treatments, unsuccessful transfers, and recurrent pregnancy losses.

I am here to help process the grief and work through the uncertainties of what you’re going through, and to help guide you by finding strength in moving forward on your unique fertility journey.

Additional resources for coping with infertility

The 9 Stages of Infertility Grief and How to Cope

Surviving Mother’s Day When You’re Facing Infertility

Finding Hope Through the Infertility Journey

Coping with Infertility During the Holidays

Two-Week Wait After IVF: 13 Tips to Survive the Toughest Part of Fertility Treatments

Surviving Infertility: Coping with the Ups and Downs

Coping with Infertility: The Role of Fertility Counselling

Frequently Asked Questions About Fertility Anxiety

1. Can stress and anxiety actually cause infertility?

This is one of the most frequently asked questions about fertility. Stress does not cause infertility. Fertility issues typically stem from medical conditions, age-related factors, or other physical causes.

While stress doesn’t cause the problem, fertility struggles often create significant anxiety, leading to a challenging cycle. Managing stress won’t resolve infertility, but it can help make the journey more manageable and support your overall mental health.

2. Is it normal to experience depression and anxiety while struggling to conceive?

Depression and anxiety are very common responses when dealing with fertility issues. Research shows that women experiencing infertility face similar stress levels to those managing serious medical conditions.

The emotional impact often includes mood changes, irritability, feelings of loss, and grief for the future you envisioned. These emotional responses are normal reactions to significant challenges. Taking care of your mental health during this time is just as important as addressing the physical aspects of fertility.

3. When should I seek professional help for fertility-related stress and anxiety?

People often seek support when depression and anxiety begin interfering with daily life. Signs that professional help might be beneficial include persistent mood changes that strain relationships.

Difficulty managing monthly cycles and disappointments can become overwhelming. Social pressures and anxiety around medical appointments may trigger significant distress. When you’re struggling to express feelings or process grief on your own, professional guidance becomes important.

Therapists who specialize in reproductive mental health understand the unique challenges of trying to conceive and can provide personalized strategies.

4. How do people manage stress during waiting periods between fertility treatments?

Waiting periods present unique challenges during the fertility journey. Creating daily routines unrelated to treatment schedules helps maintain normalcy. Breathing exercises and mindfulness practices support staying present rather than worrying about outcomes.

Setting limits on fertility research and conversations during waiting periods can reduce anxiety. Relaxation techniques like meditation provide tools for emotional regulation. Connecting with others who understand the emotional roller coaster offers valuable support.

These waiting periods are often the most stressful part, making irritability and emotional distress common and completely understandable responses.

5. What approaches help when friends and family don’t understand the emotional impact of infertility?

Dealing with unsupportive responses from loved ones can intensify stress. Establishing clear boundaries about what you’re comfortable discussing helps protect your emotional well-being.

Preparing responses for common comments like “just relax” can reduce their impact. Sometimes educating close family members about the real emotional toll improves understanding, though not always.

Limiting exposure to pregnancy announcements during vulnerable periods is reasonable self-protection. Seeking support from those who truly understand fertility struggles becomes particularly important. Sometimes stepping back from relationships that consistently minimize your feelings is necessary for protecting your mental health during this challenging time.

source https://getreconnected.ca/fertility-anxiety-coping-strategies-for-real-struggles/

ADHD: The Good, the Bad, and The Ugly

Your brain feels like you’re trying to read a book while a TV is ON, your phone keeps buzzing, and someone taps you on the shoulder every minute.

That’s how the symptoms of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) show up on a normal day.

You can spend 4 hours organizing a sock drawer but forget to call your friend back for 3 weeks. You get the best ideas in the shower and forget them before you finish brushing your teeth.

Sometimes you interrupt people, not out of impatience, but because your ideas slip away so fast you have to catch them before they disappear.

Maybe this sounds like you. Maybe it sounds like someone with ADHD.

Either way, this is living with ADHD.

Not the inspirational poster version where you’re told your “different brain” is a gift.

Not the tragic, everything-is-broken narrative either.

Just the messy, complicated, beautifully chaotic reality of being human with a brain that is wired differently.

ADHD Strengths

The Good: When ADHD Works In Your Favour

You can focus on a task with high energy when something clicks.

When a topic grabs your interest, people with ADHD often become unstoppable.

They’ll research houseplants for an entire weekend and come out knowing everything about 47 different species. They’ll code for 12 hours straight and build something amazing. They’ll get so into a project they forget to eat.

While some people get tired or bored after a couple hours, many people with ADHD brains can lock onto something and not let go. The catch? You can’t control when it happens.

Recent research from the UK with nearly 700 adults found that ADHD traits often go hand in hand with the ability to hyperfocus, pick up on subtle details, and think outside the box than most people. Read the study here: Associations between ADHD traits and self-reported strengths in the general population

You spot things others miss

Individuals with attention differences don’t think in straight lines. While everyone else follows the step-by-step plan, you’re already seeing what’s wrong with it. You make connections that seem random but somehow work. You solve problems in ways that make people ask ‘how did you even think of that?’

You might try new things more easily and see benefits of having ADHD when your creativity shines.

These aren’t just anecdotes, recent studies have confirmed the benefits of ADHD. One large analysis found that adults with ADHD frequently show high creativity, flexible problem-solving, and a unique way of thinking that helps them notice things others miss. See the study here: Silver linings of ADHD: a thematic analysis of adults’ positive experiences with living with ADHD

Another study found that ADHD traits are linked to better divergent thinking and more creative achievements overall. Read more here:Characterizing Creative Thinking and Creative Achievements in Relation to Symptoms of Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder and Autism Spectrum Disorder

When you have an ADHD brain, you:

• Know who the murderer is in movies before everyone else because you picked up on tiny clues.
• Notice subtle shifts in someone’s tone.
• Remember random details, like the exact way a room looked years ago.
• Connect dots between seemingly random ideas to create something new.
• See patterns and flaws in plans faster than most people. You notice typos in presentations or menus instantly.
• You pick up on little signals that something’s wrong, even if you don’t know exactly why

Emotional Intensity as a Superpower

This goes both ways, but when it’s good, it’s really good. Some individuals with an ADHD brain notice when someone’s having a bad day before they say anything.

They get genuinely excited about their friend’s promotion. They care about things most people brush off. Your emotional radar is finely tuned in ways that can be overwhelming but also incredibly valuable.

Some are oddly good in emergencies

When everything goes wrong, some ADHD brains suddenly kick into gear. For them, tight deadlines feel normal and last-minute crises bring clarity. Their brains are so used to chaos that when real chaos hits, they know how to handle it. But this isn’t everyone, other people with an ADHD brain get completely overwhelmed when too much is happening at once.

But this isn’t everyone. Other people who have ADHD get completely overwhelmed when too much is happening at once.

They also see the end results when others don’t.

While most people are still working step by step, you’re already ten moves ahead, visualizing how it all fits together and what’s likely to go wrong. This can be helpful in emergencies, but it can also be incredibly frustrating when nobody else sees what you see.

You might:

• Feel impatient because you already see the outcome while everyone is debating the basics.
  Blurt out solutions without explaining how you got there, leaving people confused.
  Get labeled as “negative” because you’re pointing out problems before others even notice them.
  Withdraw when it feels like nobody is listening, even though you’re trying to help.

That frustration can lead to misunderstandings, greater difficulties, burnout, or feeling like you always have to do everything yourself.

The Bad: The Daily Grind That Grinds You Down

Simple tasks feel impossible

You can see the dirty dishes. You know they need washing. You want them clean. But somehow you just can’t start. It’s not laziness, it’s part of executive functioning challenges associated with ADHD. You know exactly what needs to happen, but taking the first step feels impossible.

You’ll research the perfect dish soap for 2 hours but can’t wash a single plate. You’ll reorganize your entire bookshelf but leave clean laundry in the basket for weeks.

Brain imaging studies have shown that Attention Deficit Disorder is linked to differences in dopamine, a chemical that affects motivation. That’s why boring or repetitive tasks can feel almost impossible to start, no matter how much you want to get them done. See research: Evaluating Dopamine Reward Pathway in ADHD – Clinical Implications

Time makes no sense

“I’ll leave in 5 minutes” and suddenly 45 minutes have passed. You think everything takes 5 minutes when it actually takes 30. You plan your whole day around tasks that eat up way more time than you expected.

People without ADHD sometimes think you don’t care about being on time, but you care so much it makes you anxious, which makes you ever later because now you’re worried about being late.

This is what’s referred to as “time blindness” (the tendency to lose track of time or underestimate how long things will take. This isn’t carelessness, it’s part of the symptoms of ADHD. More about this: Taking Charge of Adult ADHD

Criticism Hits Different

Your friend doesn’t text back for a few hours, and you’re convinced they hate you. Your boss uses a slightly different tone in an email, and you think you’re getting fired.

Someone gives you feedback, and it feels like they’re attacking everything about you.

You know you’re overreacting. You know it’s not that serious. But that doesn’t make it hurt less. Emotional dysregulation is part of ADHD that isn’t often talked about.

The Ugly: The Parts That are Not Shown On Instagram

You’re tired from acting normal all the time

Most adults with ADHD get really good at pretending to be like everyone else.

They learn when to make eye contact, how long to wait before talking, how to look interested when their brain has checked out completely.

They set up systems for everything because they can’t trust their brain to remember.

To other people, it looks like they’ve got everything under control. But inside they’re exhausted from trying to come up with as many systems to help them mask the symptoms and normal behaviour scale differences.

Late diagnosis hits hard

Getting an ADHD diagnosis as an adult is like finally getting the manual for your life, except it’s 30 years too late. Everything makes sense now – why school was hell, why friendships were hard, why you always felt like everyone else got instructions you never received.

But it also brings anger. Years of thinking you were lazy when you were really living with a presentation of ADHD that nobody recognized. People told you to just “try harder” when you were already trying as hard as you could.

ADHD Hurts Relationships

You forget birthdays. You interrupt conversations. You have emotional reactions that feel too big to other people. You disappear when you’re overwhelmed, then feel guilty about disappearing.

You usually care more than most people, but your ADHD symptoms make it look like you care less. You love your friends but you’ve missed important events. You want to be a good partner, but you forget to respond to texts.

Your inner voice is mean

After years of people telling you to just focus, just try harder, just be normal, you start saying those things to yourself. “Everyone else can handle this.” “You’re making excuses.” “What’s wrong with you?”

The shame builds up until you can’t tell which thoughts are yours and which came from people who never understood what it means to be an individual with ADHD.

Here’s What’s Actually True

ADHD isn’t a gift and it’s not a curse. It’s a challenge and a different way of being. Some things are harder, some are different, and some are your strengths and benefits.

If you have an adult ADHD brain, then your brain needs different things to work well. You need different supports to manage ADHD symptoms. There’s nothing wrong with needing help, medication, or accommodation. You’re dealing with real stuff, not making excuses.

If you love someone with ADHD, remember they aren’t doing this on purpose. When they’re late or distracted or emotional, it’s not about you. It’s about how their brain is wired.

The goal isn’t to fix ADHD or pretend it doesn’t exist. It’s to understand ADHD strengths and weaknesses, so you can build a life that works for you.

Because even with the struggles, missed deadlines, and messy moments, people with ADHD are often the ones who think outside the box.

ADHD brains see things differently. They notice stuff others miss. They think in ways that solve problems nobody else saw coming.

We need all kinds of brains in this world. The ones who think in straight lines and the ones whose thoughts move sideways. The ones that stay calm and the ones that feel everything. The ones that follow rules and the ones that make new paths.

Your brain isn’t wrong just because it’s wired differently.

If you recognize yourself in these experiences, know that you don’t have to figure it out alone.

Professional support can make a difference in learning to work with your ADHD brain rather than against it.

ADHD and Adult ADHD Psychotherapy in Toronto and Ontario at Get Reconnected

At Get Reconnected, our therapist Sep Nikmanesh is trained in evidence-based approaches that help you understand your ADHD, not just mask it. We focus on real strategies that work in everyday life, whether that’s managing overwhelm, navigating relationships, or learning to see your unique strengths without shame.

Book your free 15-minute consultation today, and start making ADHD your partner, not your enemy.

source https://getreconnected.ca/adhd-the-good-the-bad-and-the-ugly/

Get Reconnected Psychotherapy Services is proud to announce a new partnership with Mimico Medical

Toronto, Canada, June 24th 2025.

Get Reconnected Psychotherapy Services is proud to announce a new partnership with Mimico Medical aimed at enhancing access to professional mental health care across Toronto through physician referrals.

Delia Petrescu, MA, RP, Founder, Get Reconnected

Thanks to this partnership, Mimico Medical patients can now access affordable, high-quality mental health care through a direct referral pathway. Family doctors can connect patients with licensed therapists at Get Reconnected, streamlining the process and removing barriers to timely, affordable support.

“This partnership supports our goal of making therapy more accessible through trusted healthcare pathways,” says Delia Petrescu, founder of Get Reconnected. “It ensures individuals are connected to care when they need it most, with a coordinated and compassionate approach.”

Dr. Tim Kodsi, CEO of Mimico Medical

“While we continue to offer in-house mental health support, this partnership allows us to expand our reach and connect patients with specialized care faster,” says Dr. Tim Kodsi, CEO of Mimico Medical.

“Together with Get Reconnected, we are building a more integrated model of care that puts timely and affordable mental health services within reach for more people in our community.”

To learn more about Get Reconnected Psychotherapy Services, visit getreconnected.ca.

To explore Mimico Medical, visit mimicomedical.com

About Get Reconnected Psychotherapy Services

Founded by Registered Psychotherapist Delia Petrescu, Get Reconnected is a virtual psychotherapy clinic serving individuals and couples across Ontario. The clinic provides support for anxiety, depression, burnout, fertility challenges, relationship issues, and more, through a client-centered and accessible model.

Get Reconnected Psychotherapy Services	Mimico Medical (Mimico Wellness Inc.)
Delia Petrescu, Owner 120 Eglinton Avenue East, Suite 202-A Toronto, ON M4P 1E2 info@getreconnected.ca +1 (905) 439-6734 getreconnected.ca	398 Royal York Rd Toronto, ON M8Y 2R5 info@mimicomedical.com mimicomedical.com

This press released was featured on

Digital Journal: https://www.digitaljournal.com/pr/news/prodigy-press-wire/reconnected-psychotherapy-services-proud-announce-1138993505.html

Associated Press: https://apnews.com/press-release/kisspr/get-reconnected-psychotherapy-services-is-proud-to-announce-a-new-partnership-with-mimico-medical-024d71db86a7471c4a051eebf2c62fec

and hundreds more.

source https://getreconnected.ca/get-reconnected-psychotherapy-partnership-mimico-medical/

Trauma 101: Understanding The Basics

The word “trauma” gets thrown around a lot. This can be referred to experiences such as accidents, abuse, or war. Other times, it’s used casually to describe a bad date or a difficult Monday.
While language evolves, it’s important we don’t lose the gravity and definition of what trauma actually means.
This isn’t about gatekeeping pain. It’s about offering clarity. Because if you’re struggling to make sense of something that happened or didn’t happen, it’s worth understanding how trauma really happens. And more importantly, how the healing process can begin.

 

What Is Trauma, Really?

Psychologically, trauma refers to an emotional response to a traumatic event that overwhelms your ability to cope. The critical factor is that trauma is less about the specific incident and more about how your nervous system and body responded.
According to the American Psychological Association, trauma can be a single event (e.g. an assault or natural disaster), or a prolonged experience (e.g. ongoing neglect, racism, historical trauma, or living in a home where you never felt safe).
The impact of trauma doesn’t depend on how big or legitimate the event seems, it depends on how your system processed it.

In other words, trauma is not measured by the story. It’s measured by the psychological effects it leaves behind.

Types of Trauma
In therapy, we typically separate Big-T Trauma and Little-t trauma:
Big-T: Refers to incidents that are overwhelming or dangerous to survival (e.g., car accidents, witnessing violence, major loss).

Little-t: Experiences that don’t make headlines, but still chip away at your sense of safety and self-worth over time (e.g., chronic criticism, emotional abandonment, or repeated interpersonal interactions that felt invalidating).

There’s also complex trauma, which refers to prolonged exposure to multiple or ongoing traumatic experiences, often beginning in childhood. These experiences are also known as adverse childhood experiences, or ACEs.
Whether the trauma was acute or prolonged, the response can lead to trauma-related symptoms, dysregulation, or feelings of being disconnected from your body or surroundings.

It’s possible to have experienced both Big “T” and little “t” trauma and neither requires a trauma comparison contest. Your pain counts, even if someone else had it worse.

 

How Trauma Shows Up in Everyday Life

Trauma can present itself in ways beyond flashbacks or nightmares. Often, it shows up in more subtle, chronic ways and research supports this. Research keeps demonstrating how trauma broadly affects both emotional and physical health outcomes.

According to a Harvard Health article, unresolved trauma is linked to long-term issues like substance abuse, heart disease, and chronic inflammation. 

These unhelpful coping patterns often begin as survival strategies. 

The stress response that once protected us can turn inward over time, especially if left unaddressed.

Signs include:

• Always being on edge, scanning for danger
• Shutting down emotionally or feeling numb
• Difficulty trusting others 
• Feeling shame or guilt you can’t explain
• Losing time or struggling with memory
• Trouble sleeping or concentrating
• Feelings of unexplained guilt or shame 
• Panic, rage, or freeze responses that seem to come from nowhere 
• Somatic symptoms like headaches, fatigue, or tics

These responses originate in your nervous system rather than being personal failings… they’re manifestations of trauma.

They developed as your body’s protective strategy, though they weren’t designed to continue long-term.

If you’re interested in the science behind how trauma changes brain function and nervous system patterns, this explanation of the neurobiology of trauma offers a helpful perspective.

 

Your Brain and Body on Trauma

Trauma lives in the body. This isn’t just a metaphor, it’s biology.

During a traumatic event, your brain’s fear center (the amygdala) sounds the alarm.

The prefrontal cortex, responsible for reasoning and language processing, becomes inactive. This is why people often “shut down” or freeze during moments of fear. 

Meanwhile, the hippocampus (involved in memory) might misfile or fragment memories. 

This is why trauma responses often feel irrational because in that moment, they are. 

Your brain prioritizes staying alive over thinking things through. Trauma researcher Bessel van der Kolk captured this in his well-known work, “The Body Keeps the Score.”

The psychological effects of trauma can ripple out into indigestion, sleep, posture, and mood … even decades later. 

 

Trauma-Informed Care

Recovery isn’t about erasing memories or simply moving past experiences. 

It’s about stabilization, creating safety, and reconnecting with your sense of self.  

In other words, it means learning how to feel safe again…in your body, in relationships, in the world.

Effective trauma-specific interventions respect how the body and mind react to distress and aim to work with and not against those systems. 

Some commonly used, evidence-based approaches includes:

• EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) – Works to transform how distressing memories are processed, making them feel less dangerous.
• Somatic experiencing – Uses awareness of physical sensations and movement to release held survival energy.
• CBT or EFT – Uses tools to rebuild thought patterns and emotional resilience.
• Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART): Combines rapid eye movements with guided imagery to support the brain’s ability to transform painful experiences.
• Internal Family Systems (IFS): Focuses on recognizing and healing injured aspects of the self while strengthening the core inner leader.

These therapeutic methods are supported by scientific research and follow safety-prioritized treatment principles.

 

What Trauma Is Not

Let’s clear a few things up about trauma…especially the myths that keep trauma survivors stuck in shame or confusion: 

• Not a flaw. It’s a nervous system in overdrive. It’s a stress disorder, not a sign of fragility.
• Not always obvious. Some trauma comes from community violence, gender-based discrimination, or emotional neglect, and not just visible events.
• Not invalid if you can’t remember it. The absence of memory doesn’t erase the effect on your body. Your body can store memories that your mind has no words for. Numbness, confusion, or gaps in memory are often signs of trauma, not proof that it “wasn’t that bad.”
  
  
• Individual responses vary significantly. The same event can affect two people in entirely different ways. Your reaction is valid, even if others “seemed fine.”
  
  
• It’s not always PTSD. Trauma exists on a spectrum. You can struggle with trauma symptoms without meeting the criteria for a formal diagnosis.

 

When to Reach Out

If something in you feels stuck, unsafe, or too heavy to hold alone, it’s okay to ask for help. 

Therapy helps maintain current awareness while carefully reviewing past events. It can be a space for sorting, naming, and making meaning.

You don’t have to meet a threshold of pain to seek help.

 

Key TakeAways

Healing trauma is not about “getting over it” but about healing and recovery. That means working with practitioners who understand trauma’s impact and approach care through a strengths-based, resiliency-focused lens. 

Whether you’re just starting out or deep into your journey, know this: recovery from trauma is possible. 

It’s not linear. It may be messy. But it’s yours. 

 

Frequently Asked Questions About Trauma

1. How do I know if I’ve experienced trauma if I don’t remember anything specific?

You may not remember the traumatic event, but your body might. Patterns like dysregulation, anxiety, or emotional numbing are often signs. Care providers trained in working with trauma survivors can help explore these signals safely. 

2. Can trauma affect my physical health?

Yes.  Research, including a Harvard Health study, shows that unprocessed trauma is linked to conditions like chronic inflammation, heart disease, and digestive issues.

3. What’s the difference between trauma and PTSD?

Trauma is an experience. PTSD is a disorder with a diagnostic criteria. Many people experience trauma-related symptoms without having full PTSD. 

4. Is it possible to heal from trauma even if it happened years ago?

Yes. The healing process is not limited by time. Whether the trauma was from childhood (ACE) or more recent, therapy can support healing trauma at any stage. Many therapies—such as EMDR, IFS, and ART—help people process trauma even decades later.

5. What’s the first step if I think I might be dealing with trauma?

Start by noticing patterns in your thoughts, emotions, and body. Then consider connecting with a trauma-informed practitioners who can help you make sense of those patterns in a safe, supportive space.

6. Do I have to talk about everything that happened to heal?

No. Some therapies, like ART, EMDR, and somatic experiencing, don’t require you to verbalize the full story. Healing is possible even if you can’t—or don’t want to—put everything into words.

 

FAQs About Get Reconnected Psychotherapy Services

1. What types of therapy do you offer?

Our practice provides individual counselling for various mental health concerns, such as anxiety, depression, self-esteem, people-pleasing, burnout, ADHD, phobias, trauma and PTSD, fertility-related mental health. We also offer couples counselling and select group workshops.

2. Do you specialize in trauma therapy?

Yes, we offer trauma-informed therapy Our practice utilizes approaches like Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART), somatic-based therapy, and cognitive interventions to support clients in processing and recovering from traumatic experiences.

3. What approaches do you use in therapy?

We use a range of evidence-based approaches tailored to your needs, including:

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
• Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT)
• Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART)
• Somatic Therapy
• Mindfulness-Based Interventions (MBI)
• Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for couples
• Gottman Method for relationship therapy

4. What’s the difference between psychotherapy and counseling?

Psychotherapy emphasizes in-depth emotional exploration to process historical experiences and develop healthier coping mechanisms for lasting transformation. 

Counselling typically involves shorter-term, goal-oriented work addressing particular concerns or life circumstances. The most suitable approach depends on your individual situation and goals.

5. How do I know if therapy is right for me?

Therapeutic support may benefit you if you’re experiencing feelings of being overwhelmed, emotionally stuck, or facing difficulties with relationships, emotions, or major life changes. 

If you’re unsure, scheduling a free consultation can help determine if therapy is a good fit.

6. Do you offer virtual therapy sessions?

We deliver online psychotherapy services throughout Ontario using the Jane App.

7. How do I book a session?

You can book a free consultation through our website, Get Reconnected Psychotherapy Services, or contact us via email.

The consultation allows us to explore your needs, address questions, and assess whether our services match your requirements.

source https://getreconnected.ca/trauma-101-understanding-the-basics/