Trauma 101: Understanding The Basics

The word “trauma” gets thrown around a lot. This can be referred to experiences such as accidents, abuse, or war. Other times, it’s used casually to describe a bad date or a difficult Monday.
While language evolves, it’s important we don’t lose the gravity and definition of what trauma actually means.
This isn’t about gatekeeping pain. It’s about offering clarity. Because if you’re struggling to make sense of something that happened or didn’t happen, it’s worth understanding how trauma really happens. And more importantly, how the healing process can begin.

 

What Is Trauma, Really?

Psychologically, trauma refers to an emotional response to a traumatic event that overwhelms your ability to cope. The critical factor is that trauma is less about the specific incident and more about how your nervous system and body responded.
According to the American Psychological Association, trauma can be a single event (e.g. an assault or natural disaster), or a prolonged experience (e.g. ongoing neglect, racism, historical trauma, or living in a home where you never felt safe).
The impact of trauma doesn’t depend on how big or legitimate the event seems, it depends on how your system processed it.

In other words, trauma is not measured by the story. It’s measured by the psychological effects it leaves behind.

Types of Trauma
In therapy, we typically separate Big-T Trauma and Little-t trauma:
Big-T: Refers to incidents that are overwhelming or dangerous to survival (e.g., car accidents, witnessing violence, major loss).

Little-t: Experiences that don’t make headlines, but still chip away at your sense of safety and self-worth over time (e.g., chronic criticism, emotional abandonment, or repeated interpersonal interactions that felt invalidating).

There’s also complex trauma, which refers to prolonged exposure to multiple or ongoing traumatic experiences, often beginning in childhood. These experiences are also known as adverse childhood experiences, or ACEs.
Whether the trauma was acute or prolonged, the response can lead to trauma-related symptoms, dysregulation, or feelings of being disconnected from your body or surroundings.

It’s possible to have experienced both Big “T” and little “t” trauma and neither requires a trauma comparison contest. Your pain counts, even if someone else had it worse.

 

How Trauma Shows Up in Everyday Life

Trauma can present itself in ways beyond flashbacks or nightmares. Often, it shows up in more subtle, chronic ways and research supports this. Research keeps demonstrating how trauma broadly affects both emotional and physical health outcomes.

According to a Harvard Health article, unresolved trauma is linked to long-term issues like substance abuse, heart disease, and chronic inflammation. 

These unhelpful coping patterns often begin as survival strategies. 

The stress response that once protected us can turn inward over time, especially if left unaddressed.

Signs include:

• Always being on edge, scanning for danger
• Shutting down emotionally or feeling numb
• Difficulty trusting others 
• Feeling shame or guilt you can’t explain
• Losing time or struggling with memory
• Trouble sleeping or concentrating
• Feelings of unexplained guilt or shame 
• Panic, rage, or freeze responses that seem to come from nowhere 
• Somatic symptoms like headaches, fatigue, or tics

These responses originate in your nervous system rather than being personal failings… they’re manifestations of trauma.

They developed as your body’s protective strategy, though they weren’t designed to continue long-term.

If you’re interested in the science behind how trauma changes brain function and nervous system patterns, this explanation of the neurobiology of trauma offers a helpful perspective.

 

Your Brain and Body on Trauma

Trauma lives in the body. This isn’t just a metaphor, it’s biology.

During a traumatic event, your brain’s fear center (the amygdala) sounds the alarm.

The prefrontal cortex, responsible for reasoning and language processing, becomes inactive. This is why people often “shut down” or freeze during moments of fear. 

Meanwhile, the hippocampus (involved in memory) might misfile or fragment memories. 

This is why trauma responses often feel irrational because in that moment, they are. 

Your brain prioritizes staying alive over thinking things through. Trauma researcher Bessel van der Kolk captured this in his well-known work, “The Body Keeps the Score.”

The psychological effects of trauma can ripple out into indigestion, sleep, posture, and mood … even decades later. 

 

Trauma-Informed Care

Recovery isn’t about erasing memories or simply moving past experiences. 

It’s about stabilization, creating safety, and reconnecting with your sense of self.  

In other words, it means learning how to feel safe again…in your body, in relationships, in the world.

Effective trauma-specific interventions respect how the body and mind react to distress and aim to work with and not against those systems. 

Some commonly used, evidence-based approaches includes:

• EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) – Works to transform how distressing memories are processed, making them feel less dangerous.
• Somatic experiencing – Uses awareness of physical sensations and movement to release held survival energy.
• CBT or EFT – Uses tools to rebuild thought patterns and emotional resilience.
• Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART): Combines rapid eye movements with guided imagery to support the brain’s ability to transform painful experiences.
• Internal Family Systems (IFS): Focuses on recognizing and healing injured aspects of the self while strengthening the core inner leader.

These therapeutic methods are supported by scientific research and follow safety-prioritized treatment principles.

 

What Trauma Is Not

Let’s clear a few things up about trauma…especially the myths that keep trauma survivors stuck in shame or confusion: 

• Not a flaw. It’s a nervous system in overdrive. It’s a stress disorder, not a sign of fragility.
• Not always obvious. Some trauma comes from community violence, gender-based discrimination, or emotional neglect, and not just visible events.
• Not invalid if you can’t remember it. The absence of memory doesn’t erase the effect on your body. Your body can store memories that your mind has no words for. Numbness, confusion, or gaps in memory are often signs of trauma, not proof that it “wasn’t that bad.”
  
  
• Individual responses vary significantly. The same event can affect two people in entirely different ways. Your reaction is valid, even if others “seemed fine.”
  
  
• It’s not always PTSD. Trauma exists on a spectrum. You can struggle with trauma symptoms without meeting the criteria for a formal diagnosis.

 

When to Reach Out

If something in you feels stuck, unsafe, or too heavy to hold alone, it’s okay to ask for help. 

Therapy helps maintain current awareness while carefully reviewing past events. It can be a space for sorting, naming, and making meaning.

You don’t have to meet a threshold of pain to seek help.

 

Key TakeAways

Healing trauma is not about “getting over it” but about healing and recovery. That means working with practitioners who understand trauma’s impact and approach care through a strengths-based, resiliency-focused lens. 

Whether you’re just starting out or deep into your journey, know this: recovery from trauma is possible. 

It’s not linear. It may be messy. But it’s yours. 

 

Frequently Asked Questions About Trauma

1. How do I know if I’ve experienced trauma if I don’t remember anything specific?

You may not remember the traumatic event, but your body might. Patterns like dysregulation, anxiety, or emotional numbing are often signs. Care providers trained in working with trauma survivors can help explore these signals safely. 

2. Can trauma affect my physical health?

Yes.  Research, including a Harvard Health study, shows that unprocessed trauma is linked to conditions like chronic inflammation, heart disease, and digestive issues.

3. What’s the difference between trauma and PTSD?

Trauma is an experience. PTSD is a disorder with a diagnostic criteria. Many people experience trauma-related symptoms without having full PTSD. 

4. Is it possible to heal from trauma even if it happened years ago?

Yes. The healing process is not limited by time. Whether the trauma was from childhood (ACE) or more recent, therapy can support healing trauma at any stage. Many therapies—such as EMDR, IFS, and ART—help people process trauma even decades later.

5. What’s the first step if I think I might be dealing with trauma?

Start by noticing patterns in your thoughts, emotions, and body. Then consider connecting with a trauma-informed practitioners who can help you make sense of those patterns in a safe, supportive space.

6. Do I have to talk about everything that happened to heal?

No. Some therapies, like ART, EMDR, and somatic experiencing, don’t require you to verbalize the full story. Healing is possible even if you can’t—or don’t want to—put everything into words.

 

FAQs About Get Reconnected Psychotherapy Services

1. What types of therapy do you offer?

Our practice provides individual counselling for various mental health concerns, such as anxiety, depression, self-esteem, people-pleasing, burnout, ADHD, phobias, trauma and PTSD, fertility-related mental health. We also offer couples counselling and select group workshops.

2. Do you specialize in trauma therapy?

Yes, we offer trauma-informed therapy Our practice utilizes approaches like Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART), somatic-based therapy, and cognitive interventions to support clients in processing and recovering from traumatic experiences.

3. What approaches do you use in therapy?

We use a range of evidence-based approaches tailored to your needs, including:

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
• Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT)
• Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART)
• Somatic Therapy
• Mindfulness-Based Interventions (MBI)
• Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for couples
• Gottman Method for relationship therapy

4. What’s the difference between psychotherapy and counseling?

Psychotherapy emphasizes in-depth emotional exploration to process historical experiences and develop healthier coping mechanisms for lasting transformation. 

Counselling typically involves shorter-term, goal-oriented work addressing particular concerns or life circumstances. The most suitable approach depends on your individual situation and goals.

5. How do I know if therapy is right for me?

Therapeutic support may benefit you if you’re experiencing feelings of being overwhelmed, emotionally stuck, or facing difficulties with relationships, emotions, or major life changes. 

If you’re unsure, scheduling a free consultation can help determine if therapy is a good fit.

6. Do you offer virtual therapy sessions?

We deliver online psychotherapy services throughout Ontario using the Jane App.

7. How do I book a session?

You can book a free consultation through our website, Get Reconnected Psychotherapy Services, or contact us via email.

The consultation allows us to explore your needs, address questions, and assess whether our services match your requirements.

source https://getreconnected.ca/trauma-101-understanding-the-basics/

The Handmaid’s Tale and The Infertility Crisis: Control, Loss, and Longing

You don’t need to have faced infertility to feel Serena Joy Waterford’s desperation. But if you have, some scenes land differently. Not because they mirror reality, but because they expose something emotionally true: the quiet unraveling that can happen when your ability to conceive becomes uncertain, and your future unpredictable.

This isn’t a critique of characters or politics. This is about the psychological toll that infertility can take and how a TV series fiction sometimes gives us the language to speak truths we haven’t yet named.

Fertility and Identity Loss

The Drive to Have a Child: More Than Desire, Often Identity

Infertility doesn’t just challenge biology…it can destabilize identity. Many people grow up imagining who they’ll be as parents, picturing names, birthdays, baby clothes. When that path becomes unclear, the loss isn’t only physical, it’s personal.

In The Handmaid’s Tale, we see this reflected in the structure of Gilead, a repressive, dystopian regime that claims to solve the fertility crisis by reducing fertile women to handmaids, treated as surrogates and denied autonomy over their bodies and uterus.

The system views reproduction as duty and pregnancy as salvation.

The commander’s wife, Serena Waterford, feels this pressure. In Gilead, infertile women of status must watch handmaids become pregnant with their husband’s child. The ceremony, a state-mandated act of rape masked as ritual is a symbol of the mental collapse that follows when control becomes more important than compassion.

That’s what many people grappling with infertility feel, too. Not the desire for control in a societal sense, but a desire to reclaim agency over their lives, bodies, and futures.

When month after month brings no progress, it can feel like the only option left is to do more, try harder, or create structure where there is only waiting.

The Grief of Trying Without Guarantee

 

What makes infertility uniquely painful is its lack of closure. There’s no timeline. No guarantee. Just a recurring cycle of hope, anticipation, and loss. It’s a grief that resets each month.

In that state of chronic uncertainty, people can feel invisible. Baby showers sting. Social media posts celebrate what you’re still working toward. Even well-meaning questions can feel like reminders that you’re behind in a race you didn’t ask to join.

And for some, the need to find something—anything—to hold onto becomes survival. It’s not about control, it’s about exhaustion. The emotional toll of endlessly adjusting expectations, grieving silently, and navigating a world that still defines women by their ability to become pregnant or reproduce.

What The Handmaid’s Tale Gets Emotionally Right

Why This Matters Beyond Fiction

In Canada, 1 in 6 couples are experiencing infertility. It’s a significant part of the community. And while science now offers options like IVF, the emotional weight hasn’t gone away. We are still seeing a decline in fertility. Male infertility is rising, too.

The Handmaid’s story is fictional, but the emotions are real. It teaches us how unresolved grief and societal pressure can reshape identity. The fertility crisis in the show mirrors very real conversations happening today, about women’s rights, women’s bodies, medical access, and the social and political structures that shape care.

To learn more about the psychological effects of infertility, visit the American Psychiatric Association’s resource or read this article from Harvard Health on infertility grief.

This Isn’t About Villains or Victims…It’s About Humanity

When we talk about infertility through the lens of fiction, the goal isn’t to compare lives to stories. It’s to extract the emotions…the grief, the longing, the identity loss, and give them space.

There’s no shame in wanting a child deeply. There’s no failure in not having one yet. And there’s no virtue in pretending it doesn’t affect you.

What We Can Learn About Coping and Compassion

As a reproductive trauma therapist, I’ve seen how invisible this pain can be. People often don’t know how to talk about it. Friends don’t know how to ask. Partners can feel helpless. And so, many suffer alone.

But there are tools. There’s language. There are paths forward that don’t require you to suppress, hide, or harden.

You don’t have to become someone else to survive this.

Delia Petrescu is a reproductive trauma therapist who helps individuals process the emotional complexities of infertility and identity loss. She offers therapy that is rooted in trauma-informed, emotion-focused, and narrative approaches. Interested in her approach and style? Book a free consultation.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is infertility still something people don’t talk about?

Yes, unfortunately. Even with more awareness today, infertility can feel like something you’re supposed to hide. People often don’t know what to say, and the person going through it may feel like they’re broken or somehow failing. That silence can make an already painful experience feel even more isolating.

How is grief connected to infertility?

It’s not just sadness about not being pregnant. It’s grieving the life you imagined, the child you hoped for, and sometimes even your sense of self. What makes it harder is that the loss isn’t always clear-cut. The hope comes and goes, especially with ongoing treatments, and that can make the grief feel endless and complicated.

Why does The Handmaid’s Tale feel so real to people going through infertility?

Because it taps into emotions that aren’t just fictional. When you’ve been poked and prodded in clinics, when your body feels like it’s not your own, and when people make assumptions about your worth based on whether or not you can have children, the show stops feeling like a warning and starts feeling like a mirror.

Can the show or book be triggering if I’m going through infertility?

Yes, it can be. Some scenes hit hard, especially if you’ve experienced medical trauma, pregnancy loss, or felt pressured about your fertility.

How can therapy support someone dealing with infertility?

Therapy can give you space to breathe. It’s a place where you don’t have to pretend to be okay or explain why you’re grieving something others might not see. A therapist can help you process the emotional rollercoaster of treatments, explore your options, and feel a little more in control again.

What is reproductive trauma, really?

It’s the emotional wounds that can come from things like infertility, pregnancy loss, complicated medical procedures, or even feeling like your body is being treated more like a problem than a person. It’s different for everyone, but the common thread is that it shakes your sense of safety and identity in a deep way.

Get Reconnected Therapy – FAQ

Do you offer therapy for infertility-related grief and loss?

Yes. We work with individuals and couples navigating the emotional toll of infertility, including grief after pregnancy loss, failed IVF cycles, or difficult decisions around donor conception. You don’t have to go through it alone or explain why this kind of loss is real. We recognize that fertility struggles often bring layered grief that deserves a space of its own.

What is Accelerated Resolution Therapy and how can it help with reproductive trauma?

Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART) is a gentle but effective approach that helps the brain process painful experiences without needing to relive every detail.

If you’ve experienced medical trauma, pregnancy loss, or emotionally distressing fertility treatments, ART can help you move forward with less heaviness in your body and mind.

How does Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) support people coping with fertility challenges?

Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) gives you tools to ride the emotional waves. If you’re swinging between hope and despair, or struggling with anger, sadness, or shame, DBT offers real-life strategies to regulate those intense emotions. It helps create space between the trigger and the response so you can stay grounded through unpredictable moments.

What is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), and why is it useful for people facing uncertainty about their fertility?

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) helps you stop fighting with uncertainty and instead focus on living in line with your values.

When the future feels out of your hands—whether it’s not knowing if treatment will work or not having answers right away—ACT helps you stay connected to what matters, even in the middle of the unknown.

I don’t know what kind of therapy I need. Can someone help me figure that out?

Absolutely. We offer free 15-minute consultations so you can speak with our fertility therapist, Delia Petrescu and get a sense of what kind of support might work best for you.

Is everything virtual or do you offer in-person sessions too?

We offer both. Many of our clients prefer virtual sessions from the comfort of their own homes, but we also provide in-person therapy at our Yonge & Eglinton office in Toronto.

In-person sessions are available for fertility therapy, trauma-focused therapy, and A.R.T.

source https://getreconnected.ca/the-handmaids-tale-and-the-infertility-crisis-control-loss-and-longing/

Mindfulness for Anxiety: How Mindfulness Reduces Anxiety

Most of us know what it feels like to have thoughts and emotions running a mile a minute. Maybe you’re lying awake at night replaying a conversation, or your stomach is in knots thinking about what’s next. In moments like these, mindfulness and meditation can feel like a breath of fresh air as mindfulness allows us to reconnect with the present and our body and mind.

But what exactly is Mindfulness?

At its core, mindfulness means choosing to pay attention, on purpose, in this moment, and without judgment. It’s not about emptying your mind or stopping your thoughts (spoiler: that’s impossible!). It’s about how you relate to your experiences, with curiosity instead of criticism.

Our modern understanding of mindfulness comes from Buddhist teachings, specifically the idea of “bare attention”, a simple, non-judgmental awareness of each moment as it comes. Thich Nhat Hanh, the beloved Buddhist monk, describes it as “keeping one’s consciousness alive to the present moment.” And Jon Kabat-Zinn, founder of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR), defines it as “paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally.”

Each of these definitions captures something essential: mindfulness is a way to tune in, to your thoughts, your body, and your life, without getting swept away by the chaos of everyday noise.

This simple mindfulness approach involves:

• Mindful awareness: noticing physical sensations as they arise
• Focus your attention on breath, body, or environment
• Close your eyes (if helpful) to deepen time for meditation practice

And here’s something that might surprise you: mindfulness isn’t about what you’re doing, it’s about how you’re doing it. You can practice mindfulness exercises while walking, brushing your teeth, or savouring your morning coffee or tea – whenever you bring attention to the present moment.

And if you’re doing it with awareness and kindness, that’s mindfulness. You could also be doing those same things while criticizing yourself or getting lost in thought… and that’s something else entirely.

If you’re curious about the broader benefits of mindfulness (and why it’s such a buzzword these days), we’ve explored that in more detail in our earlier blog post.

The Science of Mindfulness

When you’re feeling anxious, your body is actually trying to help you.

It just doesn’t always do the best job of telling the difference between real danger and everyday stress.

So, your brain hits the internal panic button. Your heart starts racing, your breath gets shallow, your muscles tense up.

That’s your sympathetic nervous system triggering stress and anxiety, jumping into fight or flight mode. It’s a survival instinct designed to keep you safe, but not super helpful when what you’re facing is a full inbox or replaying something awkward you said last week.

This is where mindfulness training comes in. Think of it as a pause button for your nervous system.

Instead of staying stuck in overdrive, mindfulness helps send a gentle signal to your brain that you are safe right now.

And this isn’t just a nice idea. Research backs it up. According to the American Psychological Association, mindfulness-based interventions have shown significant effectiveness in reducing symptoms of anxiety.

Regular mindfulness practice has been shown to calm the amygdala, the part of your brain that handles fear, and strengthen the prefrontal cortex, the area that helps you think clearly, manage emotions, and make grounded decisions.

In other words, mindfulness helps shift you out of panic mode and into a more settled, steady state. And over time, mindfulness exercises help rewire your brain to respond differently to stress.

You start to notice a bit more space between what’s happening and how you react. Sometimes, that space is exactly what we need when anxiety starts to creep in.

 

Effect	How Mindfulness Works
Interrupting Negative Thought Loops	Notice when negative thoughts arise and step off the cycle
Reconnecting with Body	Observe anxiety manifest in your chest or stomach and by noticing it can soften the tension
Creating Space Between Stimulus and Response	Using grounding exercises to pause before reacting.

Mindfulness is Not a One Size Fits All

Mindfulness is not one-size-fits-all. In fact, it can show up in many ways, and that is exactly what makes it so accessible.

It might look like truly savouring your morning tea instead of rushing through it while scrolling your phone.

It could be taking a steady breath before responding to that stressful email.

Or simply noticing the feeling of your feet on the floor while waiting in line.

The point is, mindfulness is less about what you are doing and more about how you are doing it.

If you are present, aware, and kind to yourself in the moment, you are practicing mindfulness.

On the other hand, you could be meditating and still not be mindful if your inner critic is running the show.

Start with what feels natural for you and allow your practice to grow from there.

Can Mindfulness Really Help Reduce Anxiety?

The short answer is yes, but it is not a quick fix!

Therapy for anxiety, especially meditation and mindfulness, can ease anxiety and reduce anxiety symptoms.

Mindfulness won’t magically erase anxiety or stop uncomfortable thoughts from showing up. What it does offer is a way to respond to those thoughts with steadiness and self-compassion.

It teaches your brain a different pattern, one that is rooted in presence instead of panic.

Think of it like building muscles. Every time you notice your mind racing and gently bring your attention back to the moment, you are strengthening your ability to stay grounded, even when things feel overwhelming.

And that makes a real difference. Anxiety tends to pull us into the future, into the “what ifs” , the unknowns, and the worst-case scenarios. Mindfulness invites us back into the here and now. Often, this moment is manageable. It is something you can work with.

So no, it is not about getting rid of anxiety entirely. It is about learning to meet it in a new way – with awareness, calm, and a little more breathing room.

Research supports this approach. A meta-analysis found that various forms of meditation, including mindfulness practices, lead to decreased physiological markers of stress, such as cortisol levels and heart rate.

The American Psychological Association also notes that mindfulness-based therapy can be especially effective for reducing stress, anxiety, and depression.

How Mindfulness Calms Anxious Feelings

Let’s break it down. Here are a few powerful ways mindfulness works its magic when anxiety starts to take over:

It interrupts the anxious thought loop

You know that feeling when your thoughts start racing, and you can’t seem to stop them? It’s like a hamster wheel in your head, just spinning and spinning with no end in sight.

Mindfulness helps you notice when you’re stuck in that loop, and once you recognize it, you can step off. It’s not about shutting the thoughts down but about creating a bit of distance.

By just being aware of what’s happening, you can start to disengage from the constant mental chatter.

It reconnects you with your body

Anxiety doesn’t just live in your mind. It often manifests in physical ways, too. Maybe you feel a tightness in your chest, your heart starts pounding, or your stomach feels like it’s in knots.

These are all signs that your body is responding to stress.

Mindfulness helps you slow down and tune into these sensations without judgment. Instead of getting overwhelmed, you can notice the tension and allow yourself to soften it, helping you feel more grounded and less consumed by anxiety.

It creates space between stimulus and response

When anxiety hits, the impulse is often to react immediately. Maybe you snap at someone, withdraw into yourself, or just spiral into worry.
Mindfulness offers a pause.

That moment between the trigger and your response can be a game-changer. Instead of automatically reacting, you get a chance to breathe, take a step back, and choose how you want to respond.

It’s like pressing a “pause” button on the automatic reactions, giving you space to respond with more clarity and intention.

Over time, these small, mindful shifts add up. It’s not about instantly eliminating anxiety or making everything “perfect.” It’s about slowly rewiring your brain to handle stress with more resilience, awareness, and calm.

The more you practice, the more you build the capacity to face anxiety with a little more ease and confidence, no matter what life throws your way.

How to Calm Anxiety in 3 Steps

Feeling anxious? Let’s take a quick mindfulness moment together. Try these three steps to help calm your mind:

1. Come Back to the Present

Take a pause. Look around. What do you see? What do you hear? What can you feel right now?
Naming just a few things in your environment helps pull you back into the present moment, away from the anxious thoughts.

2. Focus on Your Breath

No need to change anything, just notice your breath.

Feel the air gently moving in and out of your body.

Let each inhale and exhale be like an anchor, grounding you right here, right now.

3. Check In With Your Body

Where are you holding tension? Maybe it’s in your shoulders, your jaw, or even your stomach.

See if you can soften just a little. If it helps, let out a gentle sigh.

Sometimes, a deep exhale is all it takes to release some of that tightness.

These small mindfulness exercises won’t erase the anxiety, but they let you ride the wave instead of getting pulled under.

Breathing Exercises for Anxiety

When stress hits, your breath can be your best tool. It’s amazing how something as simple as breathing can have such a powerful effect on calming your mind and body.

This quick and simple exercise is something you can do anytime, anywhere, no matter where you are or how chaotic things may feel:

1. Inhale gently through your nose for a count of 4.

Focus on the sensation of the air moving in, it’s all about bringing your attention to the present moment. Notice anxious thoughts drifting in and then gently refocus on the breath.

2. Hold your breath softly for 2 seconds.

This brief pause helps your body absorb the calming effect of the inhale before you exhale. Anxiety may soften as you pause.

3. Exhale slowly through your mouth for a count of 6.

Make the exhale long and steady, letting go of any tension as you breathe out.

4. Repeat 3 to 5 times.

Each cycle brings you closer to a state of calm, reducing the intensity of stress and shifting your nervous system into a more balanced state.

This simple breathing pattern doesn’t just slow your breathing down, but it can reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression. It sends powerful, calming signals to your nervous system, helping to bring your body back into balance and reduce that anxious feeling.

It’s a gentle, accessible way to start retraining your body’s response to stress.

Need a little more support? If you’re new to this or just want some extra guidance, we’ve got a guided video here that will walk you through the process. Whether you’re at home, in the car, or at work, this tool can become your go-to calming technique.

It’s a quick and effective way to reset your mind and body, helping you feel more grounded and focused.

Guided Meditations for Anxiety

Mindfulness is about more than just quick fixes, it’s about building lasting calm.

While brief moments of mindfulness can offer immediate relief, there are meditation practices that can help you develop a sense of tranquility over time.

Here are two powerful meditation practices you can try:

Body Scan Meditation

The body scan is a way to reconnect with your body. You begin by bringing your attention to your toes, slowly working your way up, part by part, all the way to the top of your head.

As you move through each area, simply notice what you feel, no need to judge or change anything.

Is there tension?

Relaxation?

Just allow yourself to be aware of it, without trying to fix anything.

This practice can be grounding and can help you shift from a state of mental overwhelm to a more present, calm awareness.

It encourages you to listen to your body, helping to release tension.

Loving-Kindness Meditation

When anxiety arises, it’s common to become self-critical, even be harsh with ourselves.

Loving-kindness meditation is a practice designed to counter those feelings and invite compassion instead.

In this practice, you silently repeat phrases that can feel as if you are talking to a good friend but that friend is YOU.

• May I be safe.
• May I be peaceful.
• May I be healthy.
• May I live with ease.

As you settle into these phrases, gradually expand your circle of compassion.

First, offer these wishes to yourself, then extend them to loved ones, and even to people who challenge you.

You can end by offering loving-kindness to all beings, everywhere.

It’s surprisingly powerful. This practice helps soften your inner critic and opens the heart, and makes space for gentleness and self-compassion.

Over time, it can be a game-changer in shifting your relationship with anxiety, helping you approach stress and discomfort with a mindset of care rather than judgment.

A Gentle Prompt Before You Go

Take a moment and ask yourself:

What’s one moment today where you could pause for a mindful breath?

It might be during your commute, while doing dishes, or right before bed.

Let that moment be your anchor.

Key TakeAways

Mindfulness isn’t about fixing everything or making anxiety disappear. It’s about gently turning down the volume, not just on the world around you, but also on the noise inside your own mind.

It’s about meeting yourself where you are, with compassion and curiosity.

Whether you’re taking a walk in nature, pausing for a deep breath between emails, or placing a hand over your heart in a difficult moment, mindfulness invites you to come home to yourself. In this space, healing becomes possible.

In a world that moves at lightning speed, mindfulness reminds us that it’s okay to slow down and just be.

 

FAQs About Mindfulness and Anxiety

1. How long does it take for mindfulness to help with anxiety?

You may feel a small shift right away, like a breath of fresh air. But for lasting change, consistent practice is key. Even 5 minutes a day can make a real difference over a few weeks.

2. Can mindfulness replace anxiety medication?

Mindfulness is a supportive practice, not a replacement for medication. It can work beautifully alongside medication and therapy, but always check with your healthcare provider before making any changes to your treatment plan.

3. How often should I practice mindfulness?

Start small. Even a few minutes a day can make a big impact. Some days will feel easy, others may be messy, and that’s completely okay. The key is showing up and being kind to yourself, no matter where you are.

4. What’s the best mindfulness technique for anxiety?

Everyone is different! Many people find breathwork and body scans helpful, but the best practice is the one that feels right for you. Try a few different techniques and see what resonates with you.

FAQs on Get Reconnected Psychotherapy Services

1. What services do you offer?

We provide virtual psychotherapy and counselling across Ontario, specializing in stress and burnout, anxiety, self-esteem, trauma, ADHD and relationships challenges.

2. Do you offer mindfulness-based therapy?

Yes! We integrate mindfulness-based interventions into therapy sessions to help clients manage anxiety and stress.

We also integrate Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) in our sessions.

3. How can I book a session?

You can schedule a free consultation through our website or contact us directly.

source https://getreconnected.ca/mindfulness-for-anxiety/

Surviving Mother’s Day When You’re On the Fertility Struggles Train

There’s a certain kind of ache that creeps in around Mother’s Day when you’re struggling with infertility.

It starts quietly, maybe with a store display of baby clothes, or a friend’s social media post announcing their second pregnancy. And then suddenly, the ache is everywhere.

Cards, commercials, brunch plans, and well-meaning “when is it your turn?” questions.

It all becomes a cruel reminder of what you want so deeply and don’t yet have.

If this is where you are right now, remember that it’s normal what you’re feeling. This day can be one of the hardest days of the year.

Why Mother’s Day Can Be Exceptionally Difficult For Women Trying To Conceive

Mother’s day can be exceptionally difficult for many, but especially for women trying to conceive or women who lost a pregnancy, a baby or a child.

When you’re in the field of infertility, it’s not just a holiday, it’s a spotlight on everything that hurts.

There’s a silent grief that comes with experiencing fertility issues. You’re often grieving the loss of something you never got to hold.

There’s no funeral, no closure… just waiting, hoping, and wondering about your fertility journey.

And when Mother’s Day celebrations happen all around you, it can feel like being left out of a club you desperately want to join.

Even simple things like a commercial, a diaper ad, a brunch invite, can feel like a cruel reminder.

These aren’t just emotions. They’re the real mental and emotional health effects of experiencing fertility distress.

According to the American Psychiatric Association, infertility can significantly affect psychological well-being, increasing the risk of anxiety, depression, and identity loss … especially around emotionally loaded moments like Mother’s Day.

If your heart feels heavy, this blog on the 9 Stages of Infertility Grief may help you name your emotions and feel a little less alone.

You’re Not Overreacting – Your Brain is Responding to Emotional Triggers

Here’s the thing: when you’re trying to conceive (TTC), your brain changes the way it processes the world.

If it feels like everyone around you is pregnant, it’s not your imagination. Your brain is wired to handle emotionally loaded information.

The Reticular Activating System (RAS), a part of the brain that filters emotionally relevant stimuli, plays a big role in why pregnancy cues feel so unavoidable.

It basically works like a spotlight… it highlights things tied to what you care most about, like motherhood, fertility, and babies.

And when you’re already dealing with the chronic stress of infertility, your amygdala, the brain’s emotional alarm, becomes more sensitive.

It may treat these cues as threats…not because they are, but because they stir up loss and longing.

When you’re struggling to conceive, the brain tags every stroller, every belly, and every social media post as emotionally important. Add the stress of fertility treatments, and your emotional system becomes extra sensitive.

The impact? It can make even a normal Walmart trip feel overwhelming.

Infertility and grief make everyday moments feel emotionally exhausting. You’re reacting like any hurting human would.

Coping Tools to Help You Survive Mother’s Day During Infertility

There’s no right or wrong way to handle this day. But here are some gentle ways to survive it.

You don’t need to force joy or gratitude just because the calendar says so.

Create Your Own Meaningful Reminder

Mother’s Day doesn’t have to look one way. You can honour your path in quiet, personal ways.
Light a candle.
Write a letter.
Take a healing walk.
Plan a spa day.

Your grief and your hope both deserve space.

It’s OK to Turn Down Invitations

You don’t have to go to brunch if it breaks your heart. You don’t need to force smiles. It’s ok to turn down invitations.

You’re protecting your mental health, not being rude.

Take a Break From Social Media

It’s okay to take a break from social media during these days.

Curate your feed.
Mute triggers.

Avoid endless scrolling through Mother’s Day celebrations if it stings.

Name What You’re Feeling

This might be Envy. Guilt. Anger. Hope. ALL AT ONCE.
Naming it helps you hold it without being swallowed by it.

Infertility grief isn’t linear, it’s layered and real.

Lean Into Support

Talk to a friend.
A therapist.
A community.
Leaning into support helps keep grief from hardening into despair.
Sometimes just hearing words of comfort “You are not alone” makes all the difference.

Fertility Resources to Turn To When The Day Feels Too Heavy

Navigating this path is hard enough… one of the hardest days, even.

When it comes to infertility, you shouldn’t have to walk it alone. There are fertility resources and tools out there to help:

Support groups for those going through fertility treatments

The 9 Stages of Infertility Grief

Finding Hope on The Infertility Journey

Ask Yourself This One Question

If this day is a lot to carry, ask yourself:

What would help me feel just 10% more supported right now?

Maybe it’s saying no to a gathering.

Or muting a group chat.

Or reflecting on your number of eggs, embryos, treatment options…

Or just taking a nap.

You don’t need to wait for things to change to feel better. You just need the next right thing.

Mother’s Day Doesn’t Define You

You may not be a mother in the traditional sense, but the love, care, and effort you’ve poured into trying to get pregnant is real. And powerful.

This tough day doesn’t erase your value.

This holiday doesn’t define your story.

Your heart is still worthy of peace, protection, and honour.

You matter. Your story matters. And even though this chapter may feel endless, it is not your whole book.

You’re doing something so extremely hard. You’re surviving. And that’s enough.

Therapy Support

If you’re looking for support from someone who truly understands what you’re going through, book a free consultation.

Delia Petrescu is a reproductive trauma therapist who specializes in supporting individuals and couples navigating the silent grief of trying to conceive. She draws on trauma-informed care, emotion-focused therapy (EFT), and narrative techniques to help clients process complex emotions and build emotional resilience through their fertility journey.

source https://getreconnected.ca/surviving-mothers-day-when-youre-on-the-fertility-struggles-train/

April 2025 Get Reconnected Newsletter – Insights on Fertility

April 20-26 was Canadian Fertility Awareness Week, a time that reminds us how common yet often unspoken fertility struggles can be. For many, this week isn’t about statistics or headlines …it’s about the quiet, personal stories that don’t always make it into everyday conversations.

To help break that silence, we shared a series of posts across our platforms throughout the week. Here’s a collage of the messages we created to spread awareness and offer support:

Fertility Awareness Week Reminders:

• 1 in 6 couples experience difficulty conceiving.
• Infertility is not rare, and it is not just about age.
• It can affect anyone, at any stage of life.
• Talking about it helps to normalize the experience and break the stigma.

What We’re Learning: The Real Impact of Infertility

An international study published in BMJ Open pulled together data from over 124,000 women across 32 different studies. It’s one of the most detailed looks we have at how infertility affects not just bodies, but minds and emotions too.
Here’s what stood out:

• Infertility was more common than many expect: 46% of women in the study experienced infertility, and over half faced primary infertility (never conceiving).
• Smoking showed a strong link to infertility risk — women who smoked had almost double the odds of struggling to conceive.
• The emotional weight is heavy: women with infertility were 60% more likely to experience significant psychological distress and 40% more likely to experience depression compared to those who hadn’t faced infertility.

This study made something very clear: infertility is not just a medical condition … It’s an emotional experience that deserves just as much care.

Read article Here

Conversations That Help (and Hurt) – New Study Insights

When you’re going through fertility challenges, support from friends, family, and even healthcare providers can be a lifeline … or it can be another source of pain.
A recent Canadian and U.S. study published in PLOS One asked women directly: What comments actually help? And what makes things harder?
The study surveyed women whose fertility treatments were cancelled during the COVID-19 pandemic, a time when isolation made emotional support even more crucial.
Here’s what they said:

What Helped:

• Listening without judgment
• Instilling hope without minimizing their pain
• Hearing from people with lived experience
• Distraction (sometimes talking about something else was the greatest kindness)
• Validating emotions (“It’s okay to feel heartbroken” meant more than solutions)
• Offering tangible support (small gestures that said “I’m here”)

What Hurt:

• Toxic positivity (“Everything happens for a reason” felt dismissive)
• Unsolicited advice (especially pushing treatment plans or timelines)
• Invalidation of feelings (“It’s not a big deal” or “just relax” made things worse)
• Intrusive questioning (asking for updates or private details uninvited)

The take-home message is simple but powerful:

Good support isn’t about fixing or forcing hope. It’s about sitting beside someone in what they’re feeling — without trying to steer them out of it.

Read Article Here

source https://getreconnected.ca/april-2025-get-reconnected-newsletter-insights-on-fertility/

The Dangers of People Pleasing: Why Always Saying Yes Comes at a Cost

You just said yes again. A coworker needed help, a friend asked for a favour, or someone looked overwhelmed … and you stepped in

Even though you’re running on empty, you put their needs ahead of your own.

This kind of moment happens so often it barely registers. It feels like the right thing to do.

And to be fair, being thoughtful and helpful isn’t the problem.

It’s when the desire to please others becomes automatic (when you say yes out of fear, guilt or habit) that it starts to take a toll.

Does this happen often?

Can you think of a time in the past months when you have not been under pressure?

A time when you have been able to do something you enjoy without rushing because you need to move on to the next item on your busy agenda.

Why We Become People Pleasers?

On the surface, people-pleasing behaviour can look like kindness. But underneath, it’s often tied to low self-esteem, anxiety, a deep fear of rejection, need for validation, or even a genuine value of being a good person.

You might find yourself constantly thinking about how others feel and what they need before even asking yourself what you want.

If you’re wondering whether this sounds like you, read our blog on 7 Signs You’re a People Pleaser to check common traits and how they show up in daily life.

This need for approval is often a coping mechanism from early experiences where love was conditional or inconsistent.

Children who walked on eggshells or felt responsible for the emotional tone of the home learned early on that being agreeable and helping other people was the safest way to avoid conflict.

However, people-pleasing may also develop in homes where a parent modeled this behaviour, or where children were asked to take on emotional or practical responsibilities far beyond their capacity.

Even in supportive households, when children are not taught how to assert themselves or navigate difficult interpersonal dynamics, they may grow up feeling unequipped to handle people who are dismissive, harsh, or manipulative. In those cases, people pleasing can become a survival response … an attempt to feel safe or validated in an often unpredictable or critical world.

In fact, many people begin to please others more actively in adulthood, particularly after entering workplaces, relationships, or social spaces that feel intimidating. Without the tools to manage conflict or tolerate disapproval, it can feel safer to stay agreeable… even when it costs you.

Over time, this strategy can become your identity.

“If I’m useful, I’m lovable.”

Think of your sense of self like a clear glass of water.

Each time you say yes to keep someone else happy or to absorb someone’s disappointment, you drop in a bit of dirt.

At first, it’s barely noticeable. But over time, the water becomes cloudy, harder to see through.

People pleasing behaviour makes it difficult to stay connected to who you are beneath everyone else’s expectations.

Often, people-pleasing starts before we even realize it. As children, we might learn that being helpful earns praise, or that staying quiet keeps the peace. If we’re not taught how to handle conflict or assert ourselves, we can grow up fearing disapproval.

That fear can follow us into adulthood, where the world doesn’t always meet us with warmth, and where trying to control others’ reactions becomes a form of self-protection.

Without realizing it, we carry that script forward and sometimes pass it on.

People pleasing may keep others comfortable, but it disconnects you from your own voice, your needs, and your peace of mind.

What are the dangers of people-pleasing?

You may feel resentful after agreeing to things you didn’t want to do. You might feel anxious, guilty, or uncomfortable setting limits.

You start to lose track of your preferences because you’re used to deferring to others.

When your nervous system is tuned in and you’re constantly thinking about how to manage the needs of others, can lead to:

• Anxiety: Worrying about disappointing others or being rejected
• Burnout: Emotional, mental, and physical exhaustion from chronic overextension
• Low Self Esteem: Difficulty recognizing your own worth outside of what you provide to others
• Resentment: Frustration that builds when you feel unseen or taken for granted

You may also notice trouble sleeping, difficulty concentrating, and a sense of disconnection from your own thoughts and feelings.

What Happens When You Don’t Stop?

If you don’t pause and address the pattern, people-pleasing tendencies can lead to full-blown burnout.

You might:

• Feel like you’re always apologizing … even when it’s not your fault
• Take on blame for things beyond your control
• Feel invisible or emotionally numb
• Get caught in unhealthy behaviours just to avoid saying no

Over time, this kind of self-sacrifice and constant need to please other people can take a toll on both your mind and body.

When Pleasing Others Hurts Your Relationships

Trying to please everyone doesn’t just drain you … it can strain your relationships. You might feel frustrated when others don’t notice your efforts.

Or you may feel like people expect too much from you and still give little in return.

You might feel:

• Resentful toward others who don’t reciprocate
• Overwhelmed by the demands on your time
• Frustrated by your inability to express what you really want or need

You might always be expected to be the one to show up. And if you’re used to using humour or sarcasm to hide your discomfort, this too can become part of the pattern.

How To Break the Cycle (Without Feeling Guilty)

It’s time to ask yourself some serious questions and come up with some really honest answers.

• Why is it hard for me to say no?
• What do I fear will happen if I disappoint someone?
• When did I learn to associate love and approval with pleasing others?

You might notice that saying “yes” comes faster than your awareness of your own discomfort. This is where the real work begins: noticing, pausing, and practicing new choices.

Saying no doesn’t mean you don’t care. It means you’re learning to set healthy boundaries and that’s an act of self-love.

What are the effects of people pleasing on me and those around me?

People pleasers often experience difficulties in setting boundaries within their own relationships. This can compromise the relationship and your personal happiness.

Excessive people-pleasing will, in time, manifest in a range of negative feelings that start affecting both your physical and mental health:

• You become angry with yourself for taking on too much.
• You begin to feel resentful when you say yes to others.
• You feel guilty for not saying yes to yourself and for not spending quality time with friends and family.
• You become anxious when not coping, and, if not checked, it can eventually lead to feelings of hopelessness and depression.

How Therapy Can Help With People Pleasing

A trained psychotherapist can help you to explore why you’ve had to rely on this pattern and how to shift it. Therapy gives you time to think, reflect, and connect with your own voice without the pressure to perform or explain.

You can learn to recognize and name your needs, rebuild your self-esteem, and start to make choices that serve you, not just others. Therapy also helps you understand the role of your nervous system…how it reacts when you’re overwhelmed, and how to soothe it so you can be more grounded and less reactive.

At Get Reconnected, we work with people who have spent too long prioritizing others at the cost of themselves. If you’re tired of running on empty, stuck in old habits, or unsure how to get out of the cycle, reach out for a free 15-minute consultation.

source https://getreconnected.ca/the-dangers-of-people-pleasing/

Anxious Attachment: How To Recognize Patterns of Emotional Dependency

Have you ever felt like you’re invested in your relationships, and you’re constantly wondering if the people you care about really care about you in return? 

Maybe you’ve felt anxious when someone pulls away or find yourself overthinking small changes in someone’s tone or when they text you. 

If that sounds familiar, you might be experiencing something known as anxious attachment, a form of insecure attachment that can influence your adult relationships.

 

Attachment Theory

Attachment theory was introduced by psychologist John Bowlby, and it helps to explain how our early caregiving shapes the way we form human relationships as adults.  Your attachment style in childhood often influences how you navigate closeness, intimacy, and connection in adulthood. 

When those early bonds are inconsistent, overly protective, or emotionally distant, we might develop an insecure attachment style, craving closeness but fearing rejection or abandonment. 

So, what does it mean to have an anxious attachment style, and how can you recognize the patterns that contribute to emotional dependency in a relationship?

In this blog, we explore what anxious attachment really means, where it comes from, and how it shows up in romantic relationships.

 

What is Anxious Attachment?

Anxious attachment, also called preoccupied attachment or anxious-ambivalent attachment, is one type of attachment that can form when emotional needs weren’t consistently met in childhood.

Maybe your caregiver was loving one moment and distant the next or they were physically there but emotionally unavailable. This can help develop attachment anxiety and create attachment issues later in life. 

When this happens, it can leave us with a lingering fear of abandonment or a belief that we’re not quite “enough” on our own. So, we may depend heavily on our partner’s love and commitment for emotional stability. 

This doesn’t mean you’re “too much.” It means your attachment style may have been shaped by early attachment trauma.

But the good news is that these patterns aren’t permanent. You can overcome anxious attachment style patterns and begin to develop a secure attachment style with awareness and support.

 

Causes of Anxious Attachment

Unpacking the why behind our insecure attachment style isn’t about blaming the past, it’s about understanding how it shaped the present.

When we identify the roots of anxious attachment, we give ourselves permission to rewrite the story.

We can begin to soothe the fear of abandonment, build self-trust, and develop more secure, balanced relationships.

So, what can cause an attachment insecurity?

 

Inconsistent Parenting

The “sometimes yes, sometimes no” dynamic can create unpredictable behaviour in relationships later in life. 

 One of the most common roots of anxious attachment is inconsistent caregiving.

If your parents/caregivers were warm and attentive one day, but distant or unavailable the next, you may have learned that love isn’t stable, it’s something you have to work hard to earn.

 This unpredictability teaches children that relationships are a guessing game. As adults, this can translate into overthinking, people-pleasing, or clinging to partners out of fear of being left behind.

What might it sound like today?

“If they don’t reply right away, did I do something wrong?”

 

Emotional Unavailability

Present, but not really there.

 Maybe your parents/caregivers were physically around but emotionally not really there.

If your feelings were brushed aside or if you constantly felt unseen, you might have learned to suppress your emotions… or to seek validation elsewhere.

 As an adult, you may feel that your worth depends on your partner’s love and commitment, which can affect your ability to form healthy relationships. 

 What it might feel like:
“If I’m not needed or noticed, do I still matter?”

 

Overprotective Parenting 

When love feels like a safety bubble.

While it may sound comforting, being overly protected can make it difficult to trust yourself.

If you weren’t given the space to make your own decisions or learn from your mistakes, you might now struggle with self-doubt and a need for external validation.

 What it might look like:
You second-guess your choices and look to others for approval before taking action. This is a hallmark of individuals with an anxious attachment. 

 

Trauma or Loss 

When your sense of safety is shaken early on.

Early trauma, neglect, or loss can deeply disrupt your sense of safety, laying the foundation for attachment trauma and attachment anxiety.

These experiences can imprint the belief that connection is fragile, or worse, unsafe.

As adults, we may develop a fear of being left, which leads to clinging, hypervigilance, or feeling emotionally overwhelmed in close relationships.

What it might trigger:
“If I let my guard down, I’ll get hurt again.”

 

Parental Anxiety

You felt it… even if they never said it.

Children are emotional sponges. If a caregiver was highly anxious, especially in relationships, you may have absorbed their fears, learning that love comes with worry, unpredictability, or the need to control outcomes.

You may now mirror these patterns: overthinking, catastrophizing, or needing constant reassurance in romantic relationships to feel secure.

What it might sound like in your head:
“If they pull away even a little, it must mean something’s wrong.”

 

Genetic Sensitivity

Some of us are wired to feel more deeply.

It’s not all nurture … but nature plays a part too.

Some people are genetically predisposed to emotional sensitivity or anxiety. This doesn’t mean anxious attachment is inevitable, but it does mean certain individuals may be more vulnerable to developing it in the face of inconsistent caregiving or early emotional wounds.

While attachment styles don’t come down to genes alone, nature can influence how you respond to early relationships.

 

Signs of Anxious Attachment Style

If your early experiences were filled with emotional unpredictability, your nervous system may have learned to stay on high alert. 

Maybe a parent was sometimes warm and loving but other times distant or unavailable. Over time, this teaches the brain to stay on high alert for signs of rejection or emotional loss.

These survival patterns can carry into adult attachment, and influence how you think, feel, and connect with others. 

Here are some signs that suggest an anxious attachment style may be present:

 

Constant Need for Reassurance

Do you ever find yourself needing to hear “I care about you” or “We’re good!” more often than others?

Maybe you reread messages, replay conversations, or check in with friends or partners to make sure everything is okay.

This is common in people with an anxious attachment.

 

Fear of Rejection

Even when things seem fine, there’s a lingering fear that people might leave. A small change in tone, a delayed response, or a canceled plan can feel like a sign that something’s wrong.

This fear can make it hard to relax in relationships, because part of you is always on guard. 

Adults with an anxious attachment often interpret neutral events as potential rejection or abandonment.

 

Overthinking Everything 

Replaying conversations and analyzing every message is common. These are patterns individuals with an anxious attachment may use to predict and prevent loss.  

For someone with anxious attachment, even tiny cues can feel huge. Overthinking can feel like a way to prevent pain, but most often, it just keeps you stuck in anxiety.

 

Emotional Highs and Lows

Relationships can feel like a rollercoaster. When things are good, they feel amazing. But if there’s even a small moment of emotional distance, it can feel devastating. This cycle can be exhausting and leave you drained and even burnt out and unsure how to find steady ground.

 

Jealousy or Possessiveness 

You might feel uncomfortable when someone you care about gives attention to others.

Maybe you worry they’ll replace you or that your bond isn’t strong enough.

These feelings don’t come from a lack of love… but from a fear of losing the connection that means so much to you.

 

Clinginess or Overdependence 

When a loved one is distant, even for a short time, it might feel overwhelming or triggering.

You might try to hold on tighter, texting or checking in more, just to feel close again.

It’s not about trying to control the other person, but about trying to soothe your own anxiety.

You may hold on tightly when someone pulls away, not to control, but to avoid feeling abandoned. This can make it hard to build secure attachment styles.

 

Struggling with Boundaries 

 Boundaries can feel confusing when your nervous system equates space with abandonment.

You might

• Avoid setting boundaries for fear of rejection
• Feel hurt when others need space 
• Crave closeness but feel uneasy once you get it  

 

Difficulty Calming Yourself Without Reassurance 

Without outside reassurance, regulating emotions may feel nearly impossible. This is typical for those with an insecure attachment style.

You might feel lost, anxious, or empty, and need others to feel calm again.

 

Recognizing Anxious Attachment in Relationships

Even when things seem fine, people with an anxious attachment may feel like they’re waiting for the other shoe to drop. A tone shift or shorter text can trigger spirals of worry.

These feelings often trace back to childhood, where love felt conditional or inconsistent.

But here’s what’s important to remember:

• You’re not broken. Your brain adapted to survive 
• These patterns made sense once. 

·  You can deal with them and begin forming more life-enriching relationships.

 

Anxious Attachment Triggers

Emotional dependency can feel like needing others to “fill you up” emotionally. If you have an anxious attachment style, you might rely on others for validation, reassurance, or a sense of worth, not because you’re needy, but because somewhere along the way, that felt like the only way to feel safe.

 

Key Takeaways

Anxious attachment isn’t a choice … it’s something shaped by your earliest experiences. But healing is always possible. The more you learn to trust yourself, the less you’ll feel the need for constant reassurance from others to feel safe.

Your attachment style doesn’t define your future. 

It takes time, patience, and practice. But little by little, you can overcome anxious attachment style patterns and build fulfilling relationships. 

 

At Get Reconnected Psychotherapy Services, we help people who struggle with anxious attachment feel more secure in their relationships. If you find yourself overthinking, needing constant reassurance, or feeling like your emotions depend on how others treat you, reach out to us.

 

Therapy can help you understand where these patterns come from and, more importantly, how to change them. You don’t have to feel stuck in cycles of worry, fear, or emotional ups and downs.

 

Book a free 15-minute consultation with us.

 

FAQs About Anxious Attachment

 

1. Why do I feel like I’m too much in relationships?

Feeling like you’re too much is a common experience with anxious attachment.

This belief often comes from early relationships where your emotional needs were minimized or inconsistently met.

Over time, you may have learned that expressing your needs leads to rejection or disconnection.

Therapy can help you unlearn this narrative and begin to see your needs as valid rather than excessive.

 

2.  Why do I panic when someone pulls away even a little?

If you’re anxiously attached, you might fear abandonment. Small changes in someone’s tone or how quickly they reply can feel like a threat. Your nervous system may interpret emotional distance as danger, triggering a fight or flight response. 

These reactions are not personal flaws, they are learned patterns aimed at maintaining closeness and safety. Therapy can help your body and mind feel more grounded, even when others are less emotionally available.

 

3.  How does anxious attachment impact my self-esteem?

When your self-worth becomes dependent on other’s reactions, you may experience low self-esteem. Learning to self-validate is key to building secure relationships.

 

4.  What does emotional reactivity have to do with attachment?

Emotional reactivity is a common sign of anxious attachment or fearful-avoidant attachment. You may feel big emotions quickly when connection feels uncertain.

 

5.  How can I start trusting myself more in relationships?

 If you’ve spent years monitoring others’ needs or moods, it can be hard to hear your own voice.

Trusting yourself begins with tuning into your feelings before looking outside yourself for reassurance.

Therapy can help you reconnect with your values, practice self-affirmation, and set boundaries so that you feel more steady and confident within.

 

6.  Can anxious attachment improve without a partner?

Yes it can. You don’t need to be in a relationship to work on your attachment style. In fact, many people make deep progress through therapy, supportive friendships, journaling, or mindfulness. Building a strong connection with yourself creates the foundation for security in all relationships.

 

7.  What if I know I have anxious attachment but keep repeating the same patterns?

Awareness is a powerful beginning, but real change takes time, practice, and patience. Many clients feel discouraged that they still repeat old patterns even when they understand them. This is because attachment lives not just in the mind but in the body and nervous system. In therapy, we work with both insight and the body to help you experience new kinds of safety and connection.

 

8.  How can therapy at Get Reconnected Psychotherapy Services support me?

We specialize in helping clients work through attachment wounds, relationship anxiety, and challenges with self-trust. Our approach is trauma-informed and culturally sensitive, with a focus on emotional safety. Whether you are navigating a current relationship or working through old patterns, we are here to support you in building more secure and compassionate ways of connecting.

 

9.  Do you offer in-person and virtual therapy sessions?

Yes! We offer virtual psychotherapy services across Ontario through a secure platform called Jane App. We also offer in-person sessions in downtown Toronto, Ontario.

 

10.   How do I book a session at Get Reconnected Psychotherapy Services?

You can book a free consultation here or through our website, Get Reconnected Psychotherapy Services, or contact us via email.

During the consultation, we’ll discuss your needs, answer any questions, and determine if we’re the right fit for you.

source https://getreconnected.ca/anxious-attachment-style-therapy/